What is collaborative regulation
Collaborative regulation is an interpersonal process in which participants constantly adjust their interactions in a coordinated manner to co-create and maintain a positive emotional state.
In the process of co-regulation of emotions, participants regulate their behavior in a cooperative manner to regulate each other, that is, they regulate together. This mutual regulation involves the process of matching, mismatching, cracking, and repairing connections.
Children first learn to self-regulate by co-ordinating with their parents.
Why co-regulation is important
A child's social-emotional development depends on their ability to regulate emotions.
A child's ability to regulate emotions is essential for a child's healthy development and successful functioning in a wide range of areas, from physical and mental health to academic performance and socioeconomic success. The various adverse consequences of childhood, adolescence and adulthood have been linked to difficulties in emotional self-regulation.
Babies' ability to self-regulate is limited at the beginning of life. When babies are upset, they rely heavily on their primary caregiver to cope and restore their emotional balance.
Children learn how to communicate and manage their feelings based on caregivers' reactions to their negative emotional expressions.
Emotion regulation begins with co-regulation with the primary caregiver.
Caregiver co-regulation allows caring parents to promote their emotional regulation by providing external support to their children. These experiences are a scaffold for children to develop their own ability to deal with emotional distress.
For parents, co-regulation is like teaching their children how to ride a bike without an auxiliary wheel.
In the beginning, the child just sits there while the parent does all the work, lifts the bike and pushes forward. But soon, kids are used to balancing on the bike. They start pedaling and balancing themselves. At some point, you can let go.
In the absence of parents or auxiliary wheels, children who learn to ride a bicycle are likely to fall and suffer a lot of injuries. When it becomes too much, they may give up.
Co-regulation is essential for the development of emotional regulation in children. Without co-regulation, children may become disordered (e.g., outbreaks, aggression) or adopt maladaptive coping strategies (e.g., emotional depression can lead to internalized problems such as depression).
Before the process of co-regulation of emotions begins
In order to apply effective and consistent co-regulation techniques, parents should pay attention to the following points.
self-discipline
Parents must be able to self-regulate before they can regulate together. The caregiver's own self-regulation is a model of how to control a child's emotions.
Dealing with a screaming, irrational child during an acute pain attack can be challenging, especially when the situation has triggered strong feelings for you.
Try to calm yourself down by taking a deep breath, clearing your head, and having positive self-talk.
Your past experiences, thoughts, and beliefs about emotions can affect your ability to manage emotions. If it's too hard for you, seek professional help. A mental health professional can help you identify and resolve unresolved issues that may prevent you from becoming a calm, caring parent.
Don't punish
We can't control our feelings.
Punishing negative emotions is especially harmful because it exacerbates them in already difficult situations. In addition to communicating non-acceptance, punishment prevents children from receiving co-custodial supervision from loving, supportive caregivers.
Don't let emotions be invalidated
Don't ignore, ignore, or reject negative emotions. A child's sense of ineffectiveness is associated with social-emotional difficulties and psychological distress.
Responsive parenting
Use warm and responsive interactions to promote self-regulation development, thereby fostering a safe attachment in children.
Responsive parents will recognize and respond to their child's cues that they need. Through caring interactions, they support and demonstrate regulation to promote children's ability to understand, express, and regulate emotions.
Children with secure attachment internalize regulatory strategies in their attachment relationships and apply them outside of their attachment relationships.
How to co-regulate
The experience of co-regulation changes as a child's ability to self-regulate grows throughout development, but it remains a critical resource.
Co-regulation of responses plays a vital role in sustaining children's emotional experiences, guiding them to increasingly complex self-regulation strategies.
Infancy (from birth to 1 year)
Pay close attention and respond quickly to hints from children. Comfort babies physically (e.g., hugging) and emotionally (e.g., talking) to help them stabilize.
Reducing suffering can also be achieved by changing the environment.
Early childhood (1 to 2 years old)
Speak calmly or get your child out of stress. Teach them to express and talk about their emotions in words.
Preschool (3 to 5 years old)
Demonstrate and teach self-regulation strategies, such as deep breathing. Emotions guide them to understand how they feel, label their emotions, and express them in words. Teach simple problem-solving techniques by suggesting options.
Mid-childhood (6 to 10 years)
Encourage more problem-solving and teach conflict resolution strategies. Continue to mentor them in emotional management skills, such as reassessing situations.
Early puberty (11 to 14 years)
Teach problem-solving, organizational, and time management skills to prevent problems. Instruct them on healthy stress management, such as exercise and meditation. Teach them critical thinking so they can make better decisions.
From late adolescence to adulthood
At this time, co-regulation interaction gives way to the child's emerging self-regulation skills. The child takes on most of the adjustment tasks. Parents now provide guidance primarily for dealing with complex issues and emotional support for major stressors. They are a safe base and safe haven for children.