The percentage of divorces in today's society is very high, and it has to be said that many people make serious mistakes in how to choose their other half. If you don't want to be a percentage of the divorce rate, then you should consider the following ten criteria.
1) You chose the wrong person because you expected him/her to change after marriage.
The most classic error. Never marry for 'possibility'. The rule is, if you're not happy with the current him/her, don't get married. A colleague of mine summed it up philosophically that "you can expect him/her to change after marriage, but it's going in the bad direction rather than the good!" ”
So for the other person's beliefs, character, personal cleanliness, communication style/skills, and personal habits, it is best to consider whether you can accept the current situation and live peacefully with them.
2, you choose the wrong person because you pay more attention to the 'feeling of electric shock' than the character.
The feeling of electrocution triggers enthusiasm, and good character can maintain enthusiasm. Be careful with the 'I fell in love' situation, because it often actually means 'I fell in love'. You are attracted to each other, but have you paid close attention to the character of this person?
Here are a few important character traits:
a) Humility. Does the person believe that one should 'do the right thing' in relation to one's personal gains/enjoyments?
b) Kindness. Does this person like to help others? How does he/she treat people who he/she doesn't necessarily need to be kind (e.g. beggars, old people, critters)? Does he/she do voluntary labor? Or charitable donations/donations?
3) Sense of responsibility. If he/she says he/she is going to do something, can I really believe that he/she will fulfill it?
iv) Happiness. Does this person like himself? Is he/she enjoying life? Is he/she emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to imagine this person being the same? Do I want to have children with such a person? If I had children, would I like my children to grow up like that?
3) You chose the wrong person because the man doesn't understand women's needs.
Men and women each have unique emotional needs, and in fact, men are often the 'unenlightened' ones in intimate relationships.
A woman's unique emotional need is to be 'loved' – the emotion of 'I am the most important person in my husband's life'. And the husband needs to give his wife a steady, quality attention.
This tendency is particularly pronounced in Judaism for intimacy. The husband must meet the wife's need for intimacy, and in the intimate behavior of the two, the wife is the party that sets the rules. Because in this area, men are 'target'. A smart woman once pointed out that "men only have two gears, 'on' or 'off'", while women pay more attention to the sensory process. When a man is able to 'shift gears' to 'process-oriented', he will discover the secrets that make his wife happier.
4) You choose the wrong person because you don't have the same life goals and plans.
Establishing a stable relationship between two people requires three basic conditions:
a) Mutual attraction and fit.
b) Have common interests/hobbies.
c) Have the same/similar life goals.
Before getting married, gain a deep understanding of each other's life goals. After marriage, two people either grow into one or grow into separate things – to avoid 'going their separate ways', you need to recognize what you 'live for' when you're still single, and then look for the person who concludes that the same as what you got.
This is what 'soul mate' really means. A soul mate is a target mate – two people who share the same view of the purpose and meaning of life and therefore have the same values, plans, and expectations.
5) You chose the wrong person because of premature intimacy.
Having an intimate relationship before marriage is discussed is a big problem because it often ends early with a complete and honest discussion of important issues. Physical relationships often hinder normal thinking, and in the absence of normal thinking, people will not make the right choices.
Generally speaking, 'tests' to prove whether two people are physically in tune are not necessary. As long as you have a certain amount of common sense and both people are in tune emotionally and mentally, there is no need to worry about whether the body will be in tune. In all the surveys that have studied divorce, sexual disharmony is almost never among the main causes of divorce.
6) You choose the wrong person because you don't have deep emotional communication with him/her.
This is measured by 'Do I respect and admire this person?' ’
The question is not the same as ' Do I think he's great?' A Mercedes will also impress us, but we don't respect someone because they drive a Mercedes. A person's respectable character is creativity, loyalty, perseverance, and so on.
Another question is ' Do I believe this person?' Or's 'Is the person emotionally stable?' Am I safe around him/her? ’
7) You chose the wrong person because he/she can't provide you with emotional security.
Ask yourself the following questions:
Do I feel calm and relaxed around this person? Can I completely relax myself in front of him/her and be myself? Does this person make me feel good?
If you have a very close friend who can make you feel the same way, then be sure to find a partner who can give you the same feeling!
Are you afraid of any aspect of him/her? You shouldn't feel like you need to pay attention to what you're saying next to the other person in case they have an opinion of you. If you're afraid to be open and honest with him/her to express your opinions and suggestions, there's a problem in the relationship.
Another element of security is that you don't feel like the other person is controlling you. Excessively controlling behavior and abuse are often brotherhood. Beware of people who are always trying to change you. There is a big difference between 'control' and 'advice' – advice is for your own good, while control is for his/her good. (In the same case (you don't speak well to someone one day), the advice is generally a benign 'Yesterday you spoke a little rushed', or 'Talking like this would offend people', and control generally comes with additional conditions 'If you dare to talk like that again, I will... The ellipsis here can be any verb like 'hit', 'pinch', or emotion 'dislike', 'ignore' or condition)
8) You chose the wrong person because you weren't honest with each other.
Any problems in the relationship between the two should be discussed. While some topics are unpleasant, they are the only measure of whether you can communicate well, back down, and work together. Difficult times and problems in a lifetime are unavoidable. Before you make a marriage commitment, you need to know if the two of you can be in agreement with a small difference and work together to solve the difficulties.
Don't be afraid to let the other person know what makes you unhappy. It is also a measure of whether you can show your soft/fragile side in front of him/her. If you can't put down your armor, then two people can't be intimate.
9) You choose the wrong person because you use the relationship between two people to escape personal problems and unhappiness in life.
If you're single and unhappy right now, then you're probably married or unhappy. Marriage cannot solve personal, psychological, or emotional problems. If there are any effects, marriage can only amplify existing problems.
If you're not happy with yourself and your life now, take responsibility for addressing those issues when you're single. You'll feel better, and your future partner will thank you.
10) You chose the wrong person because he/she is in a triangular relationship.
A triangular relationship does not necessarily refer to a relationship or a marital relationship, and the third triangle can be any person or thing that the other person overspends his feelings on — for example, a person who cannot be spiritually independent from his parents is a good example. The third corner that some people rely on or pin down on may be material or spiritual, such as work, drugs, the Internet, personal hobbies, pets, sports, or money.
Be careful to examine the triangle between you and your lover. A person with a 'third corner' often doesn't have enough emotion left to meet your needs. You will not be the person he/she values the most, and this situation is not the basis of marriage.
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