01
What kind of family is worth marrying? A family is tolerant and loving, mutual respect and acceptance, then such a family you want to marry, I believe that in the end will not let you down. And that kind of family conditions are not good, the family still fights all day long to die and live, fight for you and me to live, at the beginning to take out, would rather die alone.
Marriage is a lifelong event, if the first step is wrong, then every next step is wrong, and life is over.
You don't think about saving anyone, don't think about changing anyone, and you can't fantasize that you are special, and everything will become an exception to yourself.
All the advice, truths, and opinions of life are not necessarily correct, but it is always good to remind yourself of the same situation when you encounter the same situation.
For example, some injuries can be avoided by keeping an eye on them, so why not try to avoid them? Of course, whether the truth is reasonable or not, it does not lie in the truth itself, but also depends on the premise, environment, and situation of the reason, so some truths can also be broken, after all, everyone's situation is different.
However, for the marriage thing, women must not be confused by material conditions, you need to see through the appearance, you choose the marriage object, what is the character, as well as the marriage partner's family, and what is the system. If you only look at the house and bride price of the in-laws-to-be, that is the beginning of disaster.
You have to know, what the conditions are, you can still create and change later, but the problem of character and system, then basically sit down, after marrying, only you can be affected and assimilated, and there is no possibility that you can change.
02
In the background, she meets a female reader who first admits a situation: women will cause psychological paranoia because of unhappiness in life, although it is very hidden. Then she also wanted to give two pieces of advice to those unmarried girls and women according to her own experience: don't be a stepmother, don't marry a family with a stepmother.
These two pieces of advice are objective for people with specific circumstances, and subjective for people without specific circumstances.
Don't be a stepmother, you have ten thousand good for your child, it is not as good as your mother's one, and as long as you have a bad one, then your ten thousand good will be immediately denied. In just two words, this matter can be highly summarized: the dilemma. It is not a child's management, whether it is or not, it is not good to say heavy, and it is not effective to say light.
And after the child grows up, whether he can remember to thank you for your efforts is still unknown, but when he is provoked by his mother, he has no position.
People are also selfish, as long as they are individuals, they cannot be an exception. Even if you don't ask for anything in return, you are afraid that your child will bump into you when he grows up: "You are not my mother, why do you care about me?" ”
Of course, you will also think of leaving better resources to your children, and thus the conflict between husband and wife will break out.
In ordinary life, where men take care of their children, after all, less, most of the hard work is borne by women. Men understand you okay, if they don't understand you, there is really no place to cry.
Don't marry a family with a stepmother, the reader also specifically mentioned a sentence: "Very few men can completely separate from the influence of the original family, including his personality, and the emotional kidnapping of the original family." ”
Maybe you think: big deal when you don't have a mother-in-law. In fact, before getting married, the reader also thought so, but after getting married, she found that it was not that thing at all, just like her step-in-law, not only could not tolerate her little thing at home, but also did not help her difficulties, and would also tie her responsibility to her life, otherwise the two families would not want peace.
The father-in-law has a position, but he still thinks about his wife, and he does not want the couple to quarrel all day, so the family is basically ruled by the step-mother-in-law.
Don't think about the benefits of the mother-in-law, because in the heart of the mother-in-law, she will only think, it is difficult to throw this burden out, and all the resources are left to their children.
In addition, the children of the step-in-law will also become a burden on your life, because the father-in-law will often have emotional kidnappings for the couple because of the instigation of the step-in-law, and come to you every three or five to ask for money, even if it is good. Unfortunately, these two can not choose, let the reader choose, enough to use four words to describe the current life, extremely difficult.
03
In fact, objectively speaking, the stepmother is not difficult to be, often depends on whether the husband has empathy, he can understand your situation, then the burden is not too big, crushing people, mainly not to be understood. For the family, if he thinks and stands firm, he can also get rid of the complicated life.
After marriage, there is a problem that all of us must be aware of, except for the relationship between husband and wife, there is no emphasis on the relationship.
This is a reminder to women, but also to remind men, if the in-laws relationship, mother-in-law relationship affects your life, or even make you unable to live, then this relationship must be divided, this is the principle.
Of course, the premise is that you don't want to covet the benefits of the other party, if you want to covet the benefits of the other party, but do not want the other party to affect your life, this is impossible.
In the final analysis, it is to take their marriage and family life as the center, although some things are not so simple as they are said, too much helplessness, but what can be divided, as far as possible, a certain division, the more unclear entanglement, the more endless.
Maybe what you need to endure the most is the selfishness of the post-mother-in-law, if it is only selfish, then as long as you have expectations of her, it is not so difficult to endure.
Others, after all, the husband's family situation is special, and it is not something he can decide, this is an understandable part, but also his own choice, since it is his own choice, there is nothing to complain about. Whether it is worth it or not is not entirely determined by life, but by the marriage partner you choose, and it is not worth saying "I do" again and again.
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