01
When two people finally come together against all odds, only one wedding away from "having a lover and finally becoming a family member", but find that the person you want to marry is not a good person, what will you do?
Are you not willing to let years of feelings go to waste, choose to bet desperately? Or recognize the facts, immediately turn around and stop the loss in time?
As the most important part of the marriage process, the bride price often indicates the final direction of a relationship. The talks collapsed, one shot and two scattered; when the negotiations were completed, the marriage would be stable.
Therefore, there are often some people who are "anxious to eat hot tofu", after negotiating the bride price, think that everything will come to fruition, and then begin to expose their greedy nature and make some unbearable behaviors.
Faced with such a future partner, would you choose to continue the marriage and let him turn right? Or will he be dismissed at all costs?
Tingting (pseudonym) chose the latter.
02
Tingting and her boyfriend have been together for more than three years, and their relationship has been very good.
In the eyes of their friends, they should have married and had a drink of wine. But the two of them have been together for such a long time, Tingting is stunned that her boyfriend has not seen her parents, as if developing an underground relationship.
Tingting had her concerns.
The boyfriend's family is in the countryside, his parents are ordinary farmers, and there is a younger brother below, and the whole family points to his college student who does not have a high income to subsidize his life.
According to the conditions of the boyfriend's family, the parents are absolutely unwilling to continue to associate with the boyfriend. So she can only take one step at a time, saying more good things about her boyfriend in front of her parents on weekdays, hoping that they can slowly accept each other.
But the parents were soft and hard, and as soon as they heard about the conditions of the boyfriend's family, they sternly let Tingting break up, and then found another boy who was right at home to marry.
Tingting did not listen, and still maintained a romantic relationship with her boyfriend.
Last year, watching her friends get married and have children one after another, Tingting also had a yearning for marriage, and finally made up her mind to let her boyfriend, the "ugly daughter-in-law", go to see the "in-laws".
That day, Tingting prepared a lot of gifts for her boyfriend out of her own pocket, asking him to bring them to her parents.
Who knew that when the boyfriend came, he actually withheld the two most expensive of them. He said that he kept the gift when Tingting saw his parents, and said that he wanted to save money to buy a house for Tingting's happiness.
Tingting didn't think much about it at that time, but was moved for half a day because her boyfriend planned himself into the future.
Later, when I met my parents and talked about my intention to get married, my parents were really opposed, saying that they did not agree to this marriage.
But when my daughter grows up, she can't stay. Tingting had an iron heart to marry her boyfriend, and she quarreled with her parents in front of her boyfriend.
The parents could only put forward the requirements for the marriage room and the bride price, saying that the man could get married if he could do it, and if he couldn't do it, he would not be able to talk about it.
However, after going out of Tingting's house, the boyfriend did not think of how to meet the conditions of the woman's family, but threw the problem to Tingting at the first time.
The boyfriend said that his family would definitely not be able to come up with these things at this stage, and asked Tingting to go back and persuade her parents. Anyway, their family has money to accompany the marriage room, and there is no shortage of this dowry money, so don't embarrass his parents anymore, so as not to hurt the feelings of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the future.
Although Tingting is somewhat dissatisfied with her boyfriend's behavior, she also feels that her boyfriend's words are not rough. So she went home and turned his words into his own meaning, begging her parents to fulfill her.
After a period of soft grinding and hard bubbles, coupled with the threat of not eating or drinking, the parents finally relaxed and agreed.
Later, the parents of both sides officially met, chose a date, discussed some wedding details, and so on. Tingting's parents could not bear her hardships, not only confiscated the dowry but also accompanied the marriage room, only hoping that the in-laws would treat her kindly in the future.
All the dust has settled, only the arrival of the wedding day.
Behind this seemingly smooth, there are many helplessness and bitterness in confrontation with parents. Every time she relied on her willfulness to make her parents compromise, in fact, she was also very uncomfortable in her heart.
It's just that compared to love, she selfishly chose the latter.
However, what Tingting did not expect was that as the wedding date got closer and closer, her boyfriend and his family became more and more proud.
Especially the future mother-in-law, who said that his son had the ability, was Tingting who begged Bai Lai to marry him, otherwise he could marry with better conditions.
The boyfriend, seeing that the trend has been determined, not only does he take his own full salary to subsidize his family on weekdays, but he spends Tingting on food and housing. Even the volume of the usual speech to Tingting was eight degrees higher, and Tingting was not allowed to refute any of his decisions, which was full of machismo.
Tingting was very unhappy with their behavior.
But when I thought about the feelings of so many years, and all the efforts in the early stages, plus the invitations were sent out to get married soon, I put up with them all.
Later, when Tingting took a few girlfriends to see the new house that had been arranged, she found that her boyfriend's brother lived in it, and she was so angry that she waved a broom to drive him away.
The boyfriend probably heard about this from his brother and called Tingting at the first time. Say she shouldn't have treated his family that way. But it is a house, what does it matter if you give your brother a taste and live for a few days first? Anyway, after getting married in the future, his parents and family will move in together.
Tingting felt incredible. How can you let someone else live in your new house first? And why don't you talk to yourself about living with his parents and family?
The boyfriend did not think so, thinking that the affairs of the family should be decided by him, and the business was not bad.
At this point, Tingting was completely unwilling. What logic is this? Isn't she still in charge of her marriage room?
Thinking of this, Tingting decisively decided to give up this relationship and proposed to break up on the spot. And said to her boyfriend's brother: "Fortunately, I didn't become a fool in poverty alleviation." ”
03
In life, there are many cases like Tingting who are only one foot away from marriage, and there are many cases where feelings are interrupted because of some contradictions. Tingting's approach is undoubtedly wise, when the other party is found to be inappropriate, timely stop loss is the smartest choice.
Through her story, she also tells us the following two truths.
One: Smart women, not kidnapped by sunk costs.
I once heard a saying like this:
"Some feelings have been entangled for a long time, and in the end you can't tell whether you want to continue to love or simply want to win." 」
In life, the reason why many girls are unwilling to give up a relationship is often because they are reluctant to make the efforts they have made, and they are kidnapped by sunk costs.
In the case of knowing that the other party is not the most suitable life partner to travel with, they will still choose to be wrong because they are unwilling to admit defeat and take a step to count.
But in fact, this practice is extremely irrational, and in the end, the person who hurts the most will only be himself.
Just like Tingting, in fact, she has long had a problem with her boyfriend's behavior. It is only because I am reluctant to feel so many years of feelings and all the efforts I made before marriage that I will be forced to continue the marriage.
If the boyfriend's brother grabbed the new house after the incident occurred, she did not choose to stop the loss in time but insisted on getting married, what kind of life will be lived after marriage can be imagined.
A large number of people who can't figure out, where can the marriage be happy?
So girls must learn to be smart, and never be kidnapped by sunk costs.
There are thousands of men in the world, and they don't have to hang on a tree. Sometimes, give up the "rotten tree" in front of you, and you can see the whole forest.
Two: Smart men and women do not increase their "expectations" of marriage.
In today's era of opportunities, marriage is also seen by many as a tool to change fate and achieve class jumps.
Of course, I have always rejected some people who have intentions about marriage.
It is like a person from a bad background who wants to find a relatively economically well-off object to improve the living conditions of himself and his descendants. There is nothing wrong with this.
But man should understand the principle of being happy.
You have the life you want, you should live a good life in a down-to-earth manner, wholeheartedly run the marriage with each other, and make the home like a home.
Instead of saying that you alone have attained enlightenment, you will lead the whole family to ascension to heaven. Put your beautiful vision of your original family on the other half and let him carry the weight forward.
This uphill road of life, it is not easy to pull your dreams and life. No one has the ability to take care of the lives of others.
So, don't add too many "expectations" to marriage.
Worry too much, "eat" too much, one day will be "propped to death".
Text/No Pen