Today is February 14th, it should be a romantic day, what kind of romance have you planned?
Little D and her father recently had a romantic after-dinner hour, and the two would curl up on the couch and chat, and still not tell me the secret.
My teammate told me the other day that Little D told him that Oliver was her boyfriend and that she was no longer playing with Jaiden. The old father looked speechless, but I could see it and said to my teammates, "Ouch, it looks like I'm going to start thinking about preparing a dowry for my daughter."
Although it was a joke at the time, to be honest, I have been really thinking about it recently, if my daughter gets married, what kind of "dowry" do I want her to take with me?
01
What kind of man are you looking for?
Before saying "dowry", I must first talk about who to marry, I can't give a "standard answer" to this matter, after all, feelings are non-customized, and encounters are encounters.
However, as to which situations to "not marry", I would tell my daughter the following:
1. Don't just marry "he's nice to me"
I especially recommend that young girls go to "Animal World", the love of animals in heat is also warm, but most of the male animals no longer bear the responsibility of nurturing after giving birth to their cubs.
Why marry him? If your answer is only "He's nice to me," that's not enough. When you're in love, you can't wait for two people to be the world, but I still want you to open your eyes and see how he treats his family, friends, and colleagues.
Don't think that "this man will be different from you", on the contrary, the way he looks to other people is who he is when he lives a long life in the future.
Character is more important than love or not. Love is impulsive, and when passion fades, it is the three views that guide everyone's actions.
What kind of character is most important to you, this is what you need to define yourself.
For me, the character of not running away from things, being willing to find reasons from myself first, and being willing to open the "problem solving" mode is very important.
Married life is different from love, two living people living together, there is always a lot of friction. Friction is not afraid, the most afraid is that everyone is accusing others and will not introspect.
2. Don't just marry "he can make me more comfortable"
When you are young, please refuse to take shortcuts, especially the shortcut of saving yourself a few years of struggle through marriage.
The premise of a good relationship is that they have independent personalities, which can promote each other to be more complete and better.
Don't use marriage as a springboard, these seemingly easy and convenient roads are marked with a price. Relying on oneself is always the best shortcut, and the ability to grow on oneself is a lifetime of wealth, rather than holding on to a person or a room.
Love should be an addition, not a subtraction, to your already happy and fulfilling life.
Even if you really meet the person who makes you "low to the dust", you must have the ability and financial resources to retreat and live alone, which is your freedom of choice, not a lifesaver without a way back.
3. Don't just marry "I'm going to prove you wrong"
Being young means being proud. So I want to remind you not to enter the cycle of proving others wrong.
Others say you are tired of living, others say you will not be happy like this, others say you will not be together for long, so you desperately try to prove it, even if you gamble the rest of your life.
You can listen to others without listening or selectively, but don't gamble. It's too easy to make a casual assessment, but life is for yourself.
When we try to prove it, we forget what we really want. Happiness is an inner feeling, not a daily show.
02
How much dowry to save
The second question is quite realistic, should I prepare a dowry for my daughter, and if so, how much dowry should my son prepare?
I said very bluntly that I would not prepare a dowry for my daughter.
Of course, in the future, she will meet Mr. Right's hometown does have such customs, I am also willing to go to the countryside to follow the customs, I accept that some rituals are a blessing for marriage and the newcomer, as long as it is not "smashing pots and selling iron" with huge funds, then we must have formal "meaning" money.
For example, give a 38888, I can accept that this is a lively custom; To give 380,000, I have doubts; Give 1 million or even millions, then my family will definitely not have it.
My marriage to Little D's father is without a bride price and no dowry, to be precise, the two of us are naked marriages, no house and no car. Thankfully, my parents and my in-laws are surprisingly consistent.
This made me understand one thing, marriage is the union of the family behind the two people.
The dowry/bride price before marriage reflects the values of a family, and if consensus cannot be reached at this time, then there will be constant contradictions in the long days after marriage, and the topic of money cannot be avoided.
If you have to say that there is any dowry left for your daughter, it is to give her a promise that the girl who marries will always be able to return home, and the room where you live at home is always ready.
I don't encourage the couple to find both parents to move the soldiers, but I want my daughter to know that on the principle of touching the bottom line, parents will always be on your side, and you don't have to endure or endure.
Marriage should make us happier and the icing on the cake in life, but we can always have a person who is also living well, and a person with a baby can also live well.
03
What kind of relationship to fall into?
When it comes to dowry, it suddenly falls into real problems. It occurred to me that in fact, there are many times before the children actually get married, so I will also tell my daughter about the 5 rules of love.
1. Love yourself first
This is useful not only for lovers, but also for friends and family. When we love our bodies, we will eat well, exercise well, take good care, and naturally attract people who also love our bodies in this way.
What kind of lover we want to love, we must first treat ourselves with such standards, and love ourselves first to win the love of others.
After loving ourselves very much, we have the ability to love others; After loving ourselves very much, we are more aware of our own needs, not just because "others think he is good".
2. The beginning of a relationship can only come from "love"
A relationship must begin because of love, not because of loneliness, not because you have to forget the past, not because your friends have boyfriends.
One of the big signs of maturity is not being able to decide what I'm going to do, it's being able to decide what I'm not going to do.
Never use our body to maintain a relationship, our body is not for pleasure with the other half, it is our own, worth exploring and enjoying.
Protect your body at all times. If love is a ride, always sit in the driver's seat and enjoy the journey safely.
3. Men's love cannot be hidden
A man loves a woman, even the most introverted and shy man, you can feel it. If you're always wondering if he loves you, then he just doesn't love you.
Of course, if you love him, you can talk to him. But one thing you need to be clear about is that the ambiguous relationship just shows that he doesn't actually love you that much.
Don't always make excuses for a man, and if you're interested in him, say to you, "I don't want a girlfriend right now." Take his word for it, and don't continue to dwell on it, don't hold on to the thought, "Maybe he just didn't think clearly for the time being." ”
If your boyfriend is going to hit his ex-girlfriend, be sure to leave him right away and don't hold on to the thought, "Maybe he'll be different to me." ”
Never delude yourself into thinking, "I'm the one who knows best what he really means."
4. Too much
Can we bravely pursue what we love? Of course! I would be proud if you did.
But please don't chase desperately, when you chase a dog desperately, the dog will run away, in fact, people are the same.
Everyone needs space to breathe, and when you want someone too much, you stress them out and even want to stay away from you.
Being slightly reserved will make you more cute. Express your affection openly and be prepared for rejection.
Experiencing heartache, hurting, and hurting others, learning when you need to say goodbye, and how to let go gracefully are all experiences that women grow up with.
5. Never test humanity
Never create opportunities to test lovers, husbands, and anyone else, and don't test how much someone loves you, the test itself speaks for your own fear and insecurity.
I understand that when you start to accept someone into your life, when you think about sharing the rest of your life with this person, this feeling can be scary, but that's where love is wonderful.
Instead of testing, it is better to believe, believe in your significant other, believe in yourself, believe in the relationship, this is the secret of a healthy relationship.
When I was young, I would make my world small because of love.
It wasn't until later that I discovered that our world is big and there is plenty of room for love, friendship, affection and myself to coexist happily.
May you love and be loved too~
Happy Valentine's Day!