With the reform of fertility policy, the discussion of children has become a common topic, and how to raise children is even more important in the discussion. Some people feel that raising children should be combined with reality, if there are not enough conditions, they should not be born, and some people feel that no matter what the conditions are, as long as they try their best to raise them, they are responsible.
Eleven years ago, Sheng Hailin, who gave birth to a child at the age of 60, had her own answer to this question. Why did she still risk having a baby at the age of 60? How is she doing eleven years later? What does she think about having a baby now?
Sheng Hailin's answer also began with the sudden changes in 2009.
Elderly widows
Sheng Hailin, now 71 years old, is a native of Hefei, Anhui Province.
Before retiring, she was an experienced doctor, serving as the director of the local hospital, and had a lovely daughter with her husband who worked for a military academy, called Tingting, who witnessed her daughter grow up and get married along the way.
Before 2009, whether it was career or family, Sheng Hailin was the object of envy of others, but when that tragedy occurred, her fate ushered in a change.
Even if she is interviewed many years later, Sheng Hailin still remembers the last time she met her daughter during the Spring Festival in 2009.
At that time, the daughter had just been married for a year, and she wanted to go back to the in-laws in Chizhou, Anhui Province with her husband for the New Year, before leaving, Sheng Hailin pulled her daughter into the room, while combing her hair while recalling the past interesting things, and specially purchased a New Year's line for her daughter, rhinestone leather boots and fur coats at a high price, and wanted her daughter to return to her in-laws' home with beautiful scenery.
But this side became the last side of the two.
Just two days later, Tingting and her husband Xiaojiang both died of gas poisoning.
After knowing the news, Sheng Hailin felt that the sky had fallen, and she had discussed her old age life with her husband before, but now she didn't even have the person to send her to the end.
Sheng Hailin, who lost her independence at an advanced age, washed her face with tears every day and endured great pain in the tragedy of the white-haired people sending the black-haired people.
Sheng Hailin was once optimistic and positive, but after the death of her daughter, she changed into a person, depressed every day, insisting on not entering her daughter's room, afraid of touching the scene.
Whenever she hears another child call her mother, she will recall the sound and smile of her deceased daughter, and her heart will feel as if she has been cut by a knife.
Sheng Hailin, a doctor, was well educated and always believed in science, but after losing her daughter, she began to believe in Buddhism, trying to save the tragedy by worshiping Buddha, and even bought a mansion near her daughter's cemetery, planning to commit suicide and bury her with her daughter.
Sheng Hailin was later enlightened by the temple abbot and gave birth to the idea of raising another child, Sheng Hailin recalled that at that time, with tears in her eyes, she said: "I can't always hold my daughter's urn to live, it is no temperature." ”
At first, Sheng Hailin did not want to have a child, but wanted to inherit a child from relatives and friends. However, in today's era of material abundance, who is willing to pass on their children to others? Children are flesh and blood that fall from their bodies.
After being rejected or even insulted by relatives and friends around her, Sheng Hailin had to find another way and adopted her if she failed to succeed.
Sheng Hailin thought that not long after the Wenchuan earthquake, she called to ask if there were any orphans that could be adopted, but the reply was that the children had been properly arranged and could not be adopted.
When the undead Sheng Hailin heard that Nanning had cracked a child abduction case and that the rescued child was now being placed in a welfare home, she was excited to contact the welfare home and ask if she could adopt a child.
However, the other party's reply once again disappointed Sheng Hailin, the child was to contact the biological parents after the DNA test, and could not be adopted.
Whether it is adoption or adoption, Sheng Hailin cannot get a child from it to fill the huge hole in her heart after she lost her independence. It may be that the heavens are pitiful, and by chance, Sheng Hailin found that she can get her own child through test tubes.
Test tubes give birth to a daughter
The idea of IVF could not be stopped when it popped out of Sheng Hailin's mind, and Sheng Hailin eagerly told everyone about this idea, looking forward to getting help.
But when everyone knew Sheng Hailin's thoughts, they all thought she was crazy, and some people even asked her to see a psychologist.
Can a 59-year-old woman have children?
Almost everyone told her not to have any more children, the risk was too great, but Sheng Hailin was very determined, she thought it was the last hope, she had to try.
Sheng Hailin felt that she would retire soon, and there would be enough time to spend with her children after that, and her and her husband's pension was enough to raise the children.
At the same time, relying on many years of medical experience, I know very well about obstetrics and gynecology, and I know that risks can be reduced and avoided.
Even if there is any accident in the middle, the 60-year-old woman's IVF can be regarded as a domestic precedent and contribute to the progress of domestic science and technology.
Sheng Hailin, who said she would do it, went to Beijing to find the best hospital, but as soon as the doctor learned about her situation, she directly shook her head, saying that the age was too risky to do it.
Sheng Hailin, who was rejected, still did not give up, traveled around, ran into walls everywhere, and found the hospital where she gave birth to her daughter Tingting, and assured the hospital that if anything happened in the middle, she would stop immediately, and she would be responsible for any problems.
Despite Sheng Hailin's insistence and pleading, the hospital finally made an exception to agree to Sheng Hailin's request, and also stressed that once a problem occurred, it must be stopped immediately.
After the hospital agreed, Sheng Hailin still faced two problems:
First, he is 59 years old, his physical function has declined, and all indicators have not reached the fertility standard;
The second is that the technology was not very mature at that time, and even if it was able to have children, it might be difficult to survive.
But Sheng Hailin, who regarded the test tube as her last hope, still chose to embark on this path.
Body function degradation, fertility indicators are not up to standard on the injection and medicine to regulate, I don't know how many needles on the back of the hand, how much medicine in the mouth, after three months of drug maintenance, Sheng Hailin finally resumed menstruation.
After many trials, she finally successfully became pregnant, but during the period was also difficult, high blood pressure, hypoproteinemia, hepatic ascites and other problems were accompanied by this bitter woman during pregnancy.
A major hemorrhage 20 days after the successful pregnancy killed one of the three IVF embryos, but this was already a blessing for Sheng Hailin, who thought it would all be gone.
As an elderly mother, Sheng Hailin, who barely passed the pregnancy period, also made people sweat during childbirth.
The twin daughters are all preterm babies who are more than seven months old, and the first child was born with the obstacle of placenta retention, but fortunately, the doctor is highly skilled, and the child is born safely by stripping it with his bare hands.
On May 25, 2010, Sheng Hailin's two daughters were born, named Zhizhi and Huihui.
When the two children were born, they were less than 4 pounds, and the younger sister weighed only two pounds, and the two sisters were put into the neonatal intensive care unit for good life care. Although the situation was heavy and the suffering was continuous, when Sheng Hailin saw the sisters through the glass, she felt that everything was worth it.
Today' current situation
As the saying goes, it is easy to have children and it is difficult to raise children, and it is not easy for Sheng Hailin to have children in old age, and it is even more difficult to raise two children, which is even more difficult for her who is already 60 years old.
Sheng Hailin, who is a re-mother, is very attentive to her two daughters, and usually cares everywhere, afraid of what problems will occur with her children, but in front of her is a difficult problem that cannot be passed - where do the parenting costs come from?
Sheng Hailin has retired at this time, and the cost of IVF in the past has almost hollowed out Sheng Hailin's family foundation, such as the previous two children lived in the neonatal intensive care unit for 37 days and 47 days, and each day needed to spend 6,000 yuan.
The reality was much more difficult than initially anticipated, as he and her husband's pension alone would not be able to raise their two children, and both were old enough to save up for an accident.
Sheng Hailin, who has retired, gave up the life of her peers to enjoy the old age, and when the children were slightly older, she re-emerged from the mountains to start earning money to support her family.
It was a difficult day, relying on the senior doctor qualifications of many years of practice, Sheng Hailin went to various places to give lectures and training to others, ran outside all year round to make money, almost every day was a big morning departure, in the afternoon rushed to the destination to give a lecture, and then rushed home in the evening.
Sometimes the time that was originally agreed to accompany the child, Sheng Hailin temporarily received the job and hurried away.
The child did not see his mother after arriving home from school, called Sheng Hailin and cried for his mother, heard the child's sobbing on the phone, Sheng Hailin was also very sad, but in order to raise two children, Sheng Hailin could only say good words and comfort, and then endured the heartache to continue to work and make money.
Sheng Hailin, who has worked hard to support her family, will still take time to go to the graveyard of her eldest daughter to see, and a reporter once asked her, now that she has a new daughter, will she forget her eldest daughter?
Sheng Hailin replied, "It is impossible to forget, the eldest daughter and I now live in different worlds, but they are both my daughters." ”
As for how the two sisters view their sister, Sheng Hailin said in the video: "They are sad, and let me take them to see Tingting's sister." ”
The two daughters who often listened to Sheng Hailin tell her sister's story, although they had never met their sister, they often said: "If Sister Tingting were alive, we would have multiple sisters." ”
Sheng Hailin once quipped, "If your sister is still here, there will be no two of you." ”
But the innocent Zhizhi and Huihui just replied, "It's all right, give birth to us first, and leave Tingting's sister in the back." ”
Such a relief to Sheng Hailin, the sisters have done a lot.
Once, Sheng Hailin went to school to pick up her daughter, and was asked by the teacher: "Is this your grandmother?" ”
Sheng Hailin was a little embarrassed for a moment, but the child's answer made Sheng Hailin feel warm, and the child said, "This is my mother, my mother is older, but still beautiful." ”
While running around to earn money, while raising her daughter is Sheng Hailin's daily life, hard and boring, but with the company of the sisters, Sheng Hailin feels that it is worth it.
In 2016, Sheng Hailin's husband was overworked and suddenly paralyzed by stroke, Sheng Hailin's pressure instantly increased, before there was a husband, he was running around, but there was always someone at home to take care of the children, what to do now?
In the face of the difficult reality, Sheng Hailin had to send the child to the custody, and at the same time, she also tried to choose a place close to home to facilitate the care of the children and husband, and barely supported the family under sheng Hailin's efforts.
In 2018, Sheng Hailin turned 68 years old.
Zhizhi and Huihui, who are already 8 years old, spent five yuan in pocket money to buy Sheng Hailin a plastic bead necklace and a ring, and wrote a letter: "I wish my mother a happy birthday, a long life, and we love you." ”
Sheng Hailin was very touched after receiving the gift, and tears blurred her eyes: "I have received the cheapest but also the most expensive gift in the world."
In 2019, her sister Hui Hui suddenly got mycoplasma pneumonia pleural effusion and was hospitalized, Sheng Hailin was also tired on the side of the road because of running, during the recuperation period Sheng Hailin began to reflect on her own running in recent years, feeling that money in this world is not the most important thing, and it is not right for her to neglect the company of her daughter in order to make money.
Over the years, Sheng Hailin has been teaching and saving for her daughter, and now she has saved seven or eight million for her daughter's education and life.
In Hefei, a second-tier city, the money is enough for the family to live a good life, and it is no problem to support until graduate school.
After the outbreak of the epidemic, Sheng Hailin reduced her travel and chose to accompany her daughter more.
She said of herself: "I update my daughter's current situation on my personal social platform from time to time. The two daughters boarded in a private school and took art classes, and the children had their own strengths and good academic performance, and they also played the piano and flute, and sometimes took them to learn to cook. It can be said that they are versatile children. ”
In the case of illness and epidemic, Sheng Hailin chose to slow down, and these two situations that she called difficult for both the country and the family made her realize the importance of health and family.
In the process of accompanying the child, watching the child gradually grow, Sheng Hailin walked out of the grief of old age and loneliness.
Sheng Hailin said she will host some independent families like her to comfort other families. On weekdays, she often plays the piano or learns to dance at home, and she said that life should learn three and six words: "willing, letting go, happy."
For Sheng Hailin's advanced age and childbirth, people have mixed praises, some people think that this is irresponsible, after all, the age is so old, the risk is too much, some people think that this is a personal choice, lamenting that the mother's love is like a mountain.
After 11 years, someone now asks Sheng Hailin: "Do you regret it later?"
Sheng Hailin replied: "At that time, I didn't know that so many things would happen in the future, if these things happened, give me another chance to choose, I would choose to think twice." If there is an afterlife, I will not ask for it again. ”
Yeah, a lot of things can only be known after experience.
Whether it is pregnancy, childbirth, or follow-up parenting, Sheng Hailin has been facing many problems, she has overcome through her own efforts, but also deeply knows that many of them are lucky. Even so rushing, I am still ashamed of neglecting to accompany my children.
It's easy to make the choice to have children, but it's not easy to take responsibility for it.
Whether Sheng Hailin's behavior is worth emulating is not discussed, everyone has their own situation. But everything Sheng Hailin has paid for her choices is to show the thickness and greatness of maternal love.