In marriage and family, it is not an easy task to obtain a happy and happy family, and it requires the joint efforts of both parties to achieve it. Therefore, in real life, there are many people who do not handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the relationship between husband and wife, some people whose marriages are in crisis, and some whose feelings are broken and parting ways.
Some people have concluded that if you want to deal with family problems well, there are two important meanings: first, control your feelings, you can afford to put them down; second, you have the ability to deal with emotional problems. Only when you recognize the cruelty of marriage can you say that you understand marriage, and only those who understand marriage can have a harmonious marriage.
First, the wife lends money to relatives privately, and the husband gets angry and divorces
Mr. Jin from Kaifengqi County, 33 years old, and his wife Xiaoyan are a second-married couple with no common children. But in July this year, the two had a conflict, and Xiaoyan has never returned home since then, and now he hopes that his wife can go back and live a good life with him.
Mr. Jin said that he was very relieved to hand over the family's financial power to his wife, but what he did not expect was that without informing him, he took his own money and gave it to others forty thousand yuan, and even after he learned of this matter, his wife still did not care, so the two proposed divorce on the same day.
In the five months that his wife left home, he and his wife have not been in contact, and through the consideration of this time, he still can't let go of his wife, so he found out her current address through friends.
The couple just met on the tears, Xiao Yan did not expect that they would fall to this point, it can be seen that for this relationship the two are still very cherished, but obviously still love in their hearts, why did they file for divorce 5 months ago?
Xiao Yan said that she and her husband were angry at the time, and it happened that her cousin borrowed money from her, so she lent the money to her cousin without asking her husband's advice, and later she also explained to her husband, but her husband could not listen to it. After a big fight between the two, she chose to run away from home.
As the saying goes: don't let the husband and wife have a thousand burdens of food, as long as the husband and wife are good to discuss. From this matter, the fault lies in Xiao Yan, money is the common property of the husband and wife, even if the two are angry, they should say hello to their husbands, or send a WeChat to say a word. Lending money out without consent is also disrespectful to the husband. Therefore, it is normal for Mr. Kim to be unhappy. And Xiao Yan is a bit willful when she runs away from home.
The boy had tears, and seeing his wife living in a room without heating, Mr. Jin's tears couldn't help but flow down, and he wanted to warm his wife with his arms to take her home. But Xiaoyan said that she would not go home with her husband no matter how difficult her life was, because her husband always suspected that she had given the family's money to her ex-husband.
Second, the ex-husband and his wife contacted, and a text message triggered a family crisis
It turned out that Xiaoyan and her ex-husband had three children, and the eldest daughter lived with Xiaoyan and Mr. Jin at the age of 16, and just this summer he accidentally saw a text message from Xiaoyan's ex-husband, which made him suspicious, and Xiaoyan had said that she had no contact with her ex-husband.
Xiao Yan said that her daughter did not want to go to school and wanted to go to Jiangsu to work, because her young ex-husband was not at ease, she sent a text message to let Xiao Yan persuade her eldest daughter. But when her husband asked her, Xiao Yan was afraid of causing a misunderstanding and told her husband that she did not know this person. Mr. Jin did not believe that there was no response to many phone calls, and the third time he asked his wife to make this call, the other party directly asked "Is your husband at home?" It made him believe that his wife had lied to him.
Then he took his wife's mobile phone to send a message to each other, but the ex-husband sent "think about each other's benefits, can and try to make peace", this time the temptation is to verify his conjecture.
Xiao Yan understands that her husband is afraid of her remarriage with her ex-husband, and she has also told her husband that her ex-husband will divorce her if her heart is broken, and her husband's worries are superfluous, but her husband just does not trust her.
Husbands and wives should know each other and understand each other, and then tolerate and love each other, in order to maintain a happy marriage.
But Mr. Jin said that he was angry because he was afraid that Xiaoyan and her ex-husband would communicate behind his back, and from this point of view, Mr. Jin did have some careful eyes. After all, Xiao Yan is a mother of three children, and she also has to communicate with her ex-husband for the sake of her children. But on the other hand, Xiao Yan did not take into account her husband's worries, and it was precisely because she had not had a clear attitude that Mr. Jin was insecure.
In order to eliminate her husband's concerns, Xiaoyan, under the witness of the mediator, took the initiative to say that she would no longer communicate with her ex-husband, and the child's problem would be communicated with her husband's knowledge, and the other party would happily agree.
It can be seen that Mr. Jin cares a lot about Xiaoyan in his heart, men only pay attention to their wives, they will have jealousy towards her ex-husband, see the two lift the misunderstanding, Mr. Jin took the initiative to take his wife home, but Xiaoyan refused, and said that she went home to see Mr. Jin's mother too scared, what is going on?
Third, the wife said that the husband should sever the parent-child relationship with his parents
Xiao Yan said that her mother-in-law had said in front of her husband and brother that she would divorce them, and also asked her to take the initiative to file for divorce, which made her very angry.
It is understood that Mr. and Mrs. Jin and the two elderly people do not live in a courtyard, but they are less than 200 meters apart, however, as soon as they met, Mr. Jin's mother was very angry and refused to meet Xiaoyan.
When Xiao Yan said that the main contradiction between the two sides was on the mother-in-law, the father-in-law said that Xiao Yan was spewing blood. The two sides began to argue again, and Mr. Kim's mother angrily said that she had not said anything about divorcing their young family.
Unexpectedly, Mr. Jin exposed her mother on the spot, which made her very helpless, although she also admitted that she had said such things, but she said that Xiaoyan and her son often quarreled and got angry because of some contradictions before, and often told her everything, she also inadvertently blurted out the words of divorce, and this was not her intention. But I didn't expect this matter to be remembered by my daughter-in-law and infinitely magnified by my son.
The mother said that the day before yesterday, her son called to say that he would break off the parent-child relationship with them, which made her very sad to hear. But Mr. Jin said that his daughter-in-law asked him to say this, and Xiaoyan explained that he only said that he would not work with his in-laws, and did not let her husband say that he would break off the relationship.
It turned out that just a few days ago, Mr. Jin had contacted Xiaoyan and wanted her to go home, but Xiaoyan was still very worried about the existence of her mother-in-law at that time, so she proposed that she did not want to have any more contact with Mr. Jin's mother, and her husband said that if Xiaoyan was willing to go home with him, he agreed to break off relations with his parents.
If you have to break off your relationship with your parents so that the two of them can get back together, it will be too chilling for your parents, and such feelings will be spurned by the world. As the saying goes: "The grace of procreation is greater than that of man, the grace of nurturing is greater than that of heaven, and filial piety comes first." Besides, how could his own biological parents say such a rebellious thing?
It can be seen that the choice Mr. Jin made between his parents and his wife hurt the hearts of his parents, which really responds to the saying: "The flower magpie has a long tail, and the daughter-in-law forgets the mother." No wonder the mother offered to divorce them both.
It is not difficult to find that when there is a conflict in the family, Mr. Jin habitually conveys the wrong information between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and the way of handling the problem is also very immature, in order to please the wife to break off the relationship with the parents, such wrong thinking is really not advisable.
Through the persuasion of the mediator, Mr. Kim understood his problem, he wanted to act as a bridge between the two parties, rather than to gain the trust of his wife in a flattering way and hurt his parents.
The mother-in-law also said that she would no longer doubt her daughter-in-law in the future, xiaoyan also understood that the previous contradictions were all misunderstandings, he was very ashamed of what he and her husband had done before, and the mother-in-law promised to treat Xiaoyan as a daughter in the future. In order to welcome his wife home, Mr. Jin wrote a poem dedicated to Xiaoyan:
"I give you the most beautiful love, without a thousand words and thousands of words, let the strong affection continue, let the family be full of joy and laughter, it is not easy to cherish when we get together, hold the hand of the son, and do not abandon it."
Sentiment Analysis:
Seeing that the family is finally reconciled, it also makes people breathe a sigh of relief, this family contradiction is not big, saying that the small is not small, but if it is not handled well, it will really cause discord between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the husband and wife's feelings will break down. It can be seen that it is not an easy task to maintain the harmony and happiness of a family.
1, men should have an inclusive heart
From the perspective of Mr. Jin's family's handling method, the key point is that Mr. Jin is not good at handling family conflicts, in the husband and wife relationship, he knows that his wife Xiaoyan is the mother of three children, in order to educate and grow the child, she must communicate with her ex-husband to reach a consensus, so restricting the contact between his wife and ex-husband is itself a selfish.
There is a saying that marriage does not mean possessing each other, and the development of exclusivity psychology is completely lost in the end. In order to limit the contact between his wife and her ex-husband, he actually chatted with each other in a tentative way, saying that Mr. Jin was careful with his eyes, although this is the performance of loving his wife, but this love is too narrow and overbearing, everyone has their own space, Xiaoyan has an ex-husband and children, this is an immutable fact, if there is no tolerance to understand and understand, it can only deepen the contradiction between the two.
2. Break the mindset
"Not working together" and "breaking off relations" are two completely different concepts, but Mr. Jin actually understands his wife's words as breaking off the parent-child relationship with his parents, which is really incredible.
It can be seen from this that Mr. Jin has a stubborn personality, is not flexible, and considers the problem simply, which is prone to "thinking stereotype effect" in psychology. He imagined his wife's reluctance to go home as because of her parents' obstruction and destruction, so according to the idea of "not working together" proposed by her wife to save her feelings, it was taken for granted that breaking off relations with her parents could make her change her mind, which was a wrong cognition.
If this mindset is not broken, it will plunge people into the "swamp" of thought. Not only does it fill people with negative energy, but it will also make the family smoke miasma, and the family has no peace.
3) Don't complain about your wife in front of your mother
The wife and the mother-in-law have a conflict, Mr. Jin not only can not calm the people, but also conveyed the wrong information to make the two misunderstood deeper, which really responds to the "two ends of the will to say, will not say the two ends of the transmission."
Smart men, when dealing with the relationship between mother and wife, really can't tell the truth, but must use some techniques to make both parties listen to comfortable words to create a good family atmosphere. Men are a bridge between their mothers and wives, and if they can't deal with family conflicts, they can only be the "punching bag" of the two.
And the mother let the two of them divorce, it is because Mr. Jin is not able to solve the contradiction between husband and wife, will complain with the mother, so that it can only deepen the mother's complaints about the daughter-in-law, not only does not help, but also because of his own words to break off the parent-child relationship, the mother is sad and crying, it can be seen that Mr. Jin's emotional intelligence is too low, how important it is to learn to speak well in life.
I hope that Mr. Jin will reflect more in life, change his thinking mode, and get along with the family sincerely and happily!