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I received a request for help from a young girl who said that she was confused about her current feelings and wanted to ask me to help her analyze it. Let's also take a look at what kind of emotional problems she encountered, and for the convenience of narration, use the first person:
"He said he loved me, but he divorced his ex-wife and never left home"
I had a boyfriend three months ago, and at first I didn't know he was a divorcee because he was excellent in every way, and to get to know him better, I asked him if he had ever been married. He was honest with me and didn't hide anything, saying he was divorced from his ex-wife and had a three-year-old daughter.
I asked him the reason for the divorce, and he said that he was incompatible with his ex-wife, and the two of them could not go together, so they left.
After confirming that he was divorced, I was relieved to associate with him.
I, 24, just started working for two years after graduating from college, and he was the second boyfriend I talked to. He was six years older than me, and the reason I liked him was because I thought he was more mature, very gentle and patient, and belonged to the kind that hurt me more. I am more obsessed with him, because it feels very safe to be with him, he always thinks about everything very carefully, and we are very happy together. And he'll be better off financially than my peers, after all, he's thirty years old, old enough to worry about a mortgage.
The two of us met by chance, at a friend's wedding, and he was a good buddy of the groom.
The first time I saw him that day, I thought he looked very handsome, and then he was quite gentlemanly, so I dragged my friend to ask for his WeChat. After chatting on WeChat for more than half a month, we made an appointment to meet and then meet again. It should be said that I liked him first, and then it was easy to catch up, and he began to like me slowly. After we got together, we often made appointments to eat, watch movies, play badminton, and we would go on self-driving trips. He has a great sense of humor and always makes me happy.
I don't care much about his ex-wife, I think it's all in the past anyway, as long as others are good to me, can't they? He was very generous to me, and on my birthday, he shot a LV, which really shocked me. The boyfriend I talked about before is also well-off, but not as generous as he is. He also bought me clothes and cosmetics, and he was willing to spend money on me.
My family is also well-off, and the gifts given to him are valuable things that can be handed. For example, if he buys me a good bag, I will also give him a corresponding gift. My parents didn't know what our parents were talking about, because I didn't know how to tell them, like my parents, they might not be able to accept me looking for a divorced man.
The first two months of our relationship were fine, but by the third month, the two of us had some arguments, mostly because of his ex-wife. By chance, I learned that he and his ex-wife had divorced and not left home. That day, I caught a glimpse of his cell phone, and my ex-wife sent him WeChat and asked him when he would be home, saying that his daughter missed him. Under my questioning, he said that he and his ex-wife are currently divorced and do not leave home, because the custody of the daughter belongs to his ex-wife, and if the ex-wife takes the daughter away, he will not be able to see her.
Considering the relationship between the daughters, the two of them still live together and have lived together for a year.
Divorced and living with my ex-wife, this is something I can't stand, and under the same roof, I am not sure what the two of them will do when the children are asleep. When you are married, you say that your personalities are incompatible and then you are divorced, but they are all divorced, is it difficult to get along harmoniously under the same roof?
The two of us broke up because it was a fight, and he cried and told me that he loved me, loved me very much.
I scolded him back, you said you loved me, but it was ridiculous that you divorced your ex-wife and did not leave home.
It's really ridiculous, and the two of us are really ridiculous. Supposedly I should have broken up with him, but because of his honesty, I was a little overwhelmed. When the two of us first met, he confessed his marriage history to me, and then confessed to me about him and his ex-wife, he never wanted to hide from me, and the more honest he was, the more difficult it was for me to break up with him, which seemed to me a little impersonal.
In the end, I still love him, so I am obviously hurt, but I am still reluctant to leave.
And when he in turn begged me to coax me, he made me think he could be relied on. The two of us still haven't broken up yet, and I occasionally get angry and say goodbye, and he coaxes me again, and the cycle starts, and the two of us are like a family. I'm quite conflicted, and I don't know what to do with such feelings?
His pestering made me feel that he really loved me and should not be fake.
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YIBAO emotionally said
We often say that the more honest a person is, it will make others feel embarrassed, you are very kind, he is also grasping your weakness. A girl like you, the more honest he is, the more you rely on him, if you insist on breaking up with him, it will seem inhumane. It's his trap and trap, and I hope you'll be sober.
It's not good to like someone, but to like a divorced man.
He divorced his ex-wife and did not leave home, the two people are still disconnected, he can still fall in love with you at the same time, I hate such a pseudo-affectionate person, this man is scum. If you really divorce your ex-wife, no matter what the reason is, the two people should be completely separated, not one in the family and one outside. What is the difference between him and cheating? It is nothing more than that he has received a license and can talk about his girlfriend in a fair and upright manner. If this is not divorced, you have to bear the name of a "cheating man".
But it's essentially the same.
He seems to be very responsible for his ex-wife and daughter and for you, but so much affection shows how scummy he is, and the man who really loves you should not be like this, this is not a responsible performance. As he himself said, the ex-wife is incompatible with the personality, so since the personality is not compatible, can the divorce be able to get along under the same roof? His honesty seems to me to be nothing more than another lie.
You still trust him too much and think that what he says is true, but have you ever thought that it may be false.
You're still too dependent on him and feel like he can coax you to satisfy you with everything, so you still want to be with him, but have you ever considered your future. If you really get to the point of getting married and he's still pestering his ex-wife, can you tolerate it? You have known each other for a short time, and you will not know you very well in three months, so I urge you to be cautious.
There are also your parents, who can't accept you looking for a divorced man, and I advise you to be honest with your parents and listen to their opinions. Whether he can become your dependence depends on his character, whether he is really good to you, and whether he can solve his relationship with his ex-wife. Don't make trouble because of these contradictions of reality, but solve the problem.
Talk more, talk more, see what kind of person he really is.
Mature, don't make a fuss like a child all day, you are not small, 24 years old, is an age that should talk about love for two years and then enter marriage. He was thirty years old and should be more mature. You have only been dating for three months, or everywhere, if some practical problems can not be solved, it is best to break up quickly.
Don't easily go to a divorced man, if you have to find it, please be cautious.
Today's topic: Divorce from the ex-wife does not leave home, such a man can you accept? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.