Marriage and funeral have been major events in life since ancient times. Marriage, in particular, is the most important thing for two people and even two families.
Therefore, the extremely intelligent people summed up many so-called experiences or admonitions about the "marriage". In this issue of the article, I will share with you a folk saying about marriage: "Do not seek to avoid the wilderness, do not marry the wife of a living man".
What does it mean to "do not seek refuge from a desolate woman, and do not marry a living man's wife" is what it means
First, let's look at the previous sentence "Do not beg for a woman who avoids the wilderness" - in the literal sense, this saying means: Do not beg the woman who has taken refuge and fled to be a daughter-in-law. There are two main reasons why the elderly have such a piece of advice:
First, the woman who has wandered away to escape the famine naturally cannot be a person who knows our roots. What is the woman's past character and family situation, whether she has married or had children...
We do not have a basic understanding of these things, but rely on the mouth of the person concerned. If you marry such a woman in a hurry, of course, there will be some hidden dangers.
Second, if the woman in distress is not really married, but only to get a bite to eat, then in the future, will the woman abandon her husband and son for a better material life?
It is true that one should not be a person who speculates on others with malice. In particular, the women who suffered were already lonely and helpless, and if they were suspected for no reason, there were indeed some suspicions of "being hurt twice".
But no one can ignore the evil in human nature. In order to avoid losses, then it is the safest way not to marry a "wilderness avoidant" directly.
Then look at the last sentence, "Don't marry a living man." This phrase refers to not marrying women whose "husbands are still alive." Here are two more cases:
First, a woman with a family - the so-called "friend wife, do not be deceived", whether she and the woman's husband are friends or not, it is always immoral to rob someone's wife;
The second is a divorced woman or whose husband has died – in feudal society, a woman's divorce is a very disgraceful thing. Therefore, unless it is a last resort, men generally do not marry women who have been married.
On the surface, "do not seek to avoid the wilderness, do not marry the wives of living People" seems to be a product of feudal ideas. But if we look at the essence through the phenomenon, this saying also has a certain practical significance.
"The Kicking The Cat Effect"
In modern psychology, there is a term called the "kicking cat effect." This means that people tend to vent their dissatisfaction with those who are weaker than themselves or who are below them, causing a series of chain reactions.
So we will see: in many families, if men are the main source of income in the family, men are easy to drink and pick and choose women; conversely, if women's income bears most of the family's expenses, women are also prone to be arrogant and dissatisfied with men - this is the performance of the "kicking cat effect".
So, what is the significance of using the "kicking cat effect" to look at "not to seek and avoid desert women, not to marry a living man's wife"?
In modern society, whether a woman marries because of difficulties or has a history of marriage, as long as the man marries the other party because of this, then men are prone to become the "high-ranking" person in the "kicking cat effect", so that in the future daily life, vent dissatisfaction to their partners, and even lead to tragedy.
Speaking of this, the combination of the "kicking cat effect" and "do not seek to avoid the wild woman, do not marry the wife of a living man" just gives everyone a wake-up call:
For women, whether they have encountered difficulties or have a history of marriage, before deciding to marry, they must polish their eyes and carefully examine the man's character;
For men, there should be no inexplicable "sense of superiority" because of some of the experiences of the woman, but should care for each other from the perspective of love and equality.
Conclusion
Although the saying "do not seek to avoid the wilderness, do not marry the wife of a living man", it will give people a feeling of "a pole overturns a boat of people". But from some points of view, this saying that the old people often say does have a certain truth.
Times are changing, and these sayings may only apply to the past. For young people in the new era, they should understand the old sayings with the eyes of the new era, and summarize the correct and positive life experiences from them.