There is a lyric that is well written:
"What is not obtained is always in turmoil, and what is pampered is always fearless."
And the writer Tang Zhifeng said:
"Behind the arrogance of one person in a marriage, it must be another person who is constantly humble without dignity."
From love to marriage, from strangers to the most familiar pillow people, we expose ourselves bottomlessly in intimate relationships, without restraint, and think that our partners are the closest people. But intimacy does not mean that there can be no respect, no principle, no measure, no moderation.
No matter how much your wife loves you, don't ask her to do so – live with your parents or she will be more and more distant from you.
01 The living habits of the two generations are different
There is nothing bad about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law at the beginning, of course, except for those mother-in-law who look down on their daughter-in-law at the beginning. As an "outsider" to this family, the daughter-in-law is like a guest at the beginning, if the mother-in-law is warm and caring for her, the normal daughter-in-law will feel warm and remember it in her heart.
A reader once left a message saying:
"As long as the mother-in-law is in place, even if the daughter-in-law's heart and eyes are bad, as long as she still wants to live with her husband, when the mother-in-law is old and takes care of people, she will not do too much and say irresponsible words." But if the mother-in-law does not do it first, it will be another story. Even if the daughter-in-law does not care, the son has nothing to say. At that time, it will be the son's choice whether he wants to live with his daughter-in-law. ”
It's very rustic and down-to-earth.
A wife who loves her husband will think of getting along well with her mother-in-law.
But the smell of far and near smell, especially the living habits of the two generations are different, the daughter-in-law to the mother-in-law after all can not be like the mother, what is in the heart can be said directly.
Her friend Umeko once complained about her mother-in-law.
When she first got married, Meizi felt that she was lucky to meet a good mother-in-law, because her mother-in-law was very good to her, and Meizi had no mother since she was a child, and she seemed to have experienced the missing maternal love in her mother-in-law.
When Plum is pregnant, her mother-in-law volunteers to take care of Plum. Meizi later learned that the relationship between the mother-in-law and the father-in-law had long been broken, and the mother-in-law and the father-in-law had been in the cold war for more than a year, and the mother-in-law did not want to see the father-in-law like that, and wanted to see her son every day, so she took the initiative to ask to live with the plum.
Because the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was very good before, Meizi also liked to eat the meal made by her mother-in-law, so she happily took her mother-in-law.
But after living together, Meizi found that her mother-in-law looked easy-going, but she was actually very strong in her bones. Cooking must come according to her taste, and how simple to do, her stomach is not good, there are too many things to eat.
Plum has no appetite because she is pregnant, and the mother-in-law says that if you want to eat something, go out to eat it, but every time the plum goes out to eat, it is obvious that the mother-in-law is not happy, and she always has to say something like going out to eat unhygienic.
It made Plum very depressed.
Plums have always been the work of going to bed early and getting up early, and the pregnancy period is also the same, but the mother-in-law is late to go to bed and get up early, and the elderly sleep less. At night, the mother-in-law does not sleep in the living room to watch TV series, you can not watch advertisements, episode by episode continuously, the mother-in-law does not mention how happy, every night to see 12 o'clock at night.
Plum closed the bedroom door, the sound of the TV is not very noisy, but every time the mother-in-law sees a happy place, she emits a loud laugh, and Plum will always be woken up by her laughter. After reminding her several times, her mother-in-law also said to pay attention, but the laughter continued, because as soon as she was happy, she couldn't help but laugh, and she couldn't detect it.
These small frictions of living habits, Plum thinks that there is no need to pay too much attention, but they are like sand in shoes, and they will inadvertently break their feet.
02 There is no mother who is not partial to her son
I once saw a blogger on the Internet say that it feels like her mother-in-law is like her husband's lover, everything has to be managed, and the squeezed couple does not have their own space at all.
Living together, there is no mother who is not partial to her son. Even if the real life conditions are better, some mothers-in-law still have to grab that delicious bite for their son.
Meizi's mother-in-law is like this, making ribs, having to first pick out a bowl of ribs for her son to eat, when eating, she has to say that her son can't reach it, she has to push the dish to her son's side, and she does that every time. Even though Meizi's husband has seriously told her mother-in-law many times not to do this, the mother-in-law is still afraid that her son will not be able to eat the best meal.
It makes Plum feel very diaphragm in her heart.
After the birth of the child, Meizi's husband had no patience with the child, and when he came home, he was lying on the bed looking at the mobile phone, even though Meizi tried very hard to let her husband take the baby with him, but he did not succeed every time, and the husband felt that I should do the work, my mother has helped me to do.
The mother-in-law was happy to see her son resting, and she also felt that I was not helping? What more men will look at children! As soon as The plum leaves work, she does not want to look at the child for a minute, and immediately gives the child to the plum, before the child is two years old, the plum is holding the child while eating, while holding the child while brushing her teeth.
Meizi and her husband did not argue a few words, the mother-in-law immediately rushed over, protected her son, said that her son was already very good, let Meizi be satisfied; said that she was also the best mother-in-law, let Meizi see those who did not help with the children, let Meizi be satisfied.
03 Contradictions accumulate day by day
If only life were like the first sight!
Contradictions accumulate in this way, little by little, until they break out.
Originally, Meizi has been thinking about the good of her mother-in-law, thinking about the time when she will be close to her mother-in-law like a mother and daughter when she was just married, and reading that her mother-in-law took care of herself "confinement", although during the confinement period, the mother-in-law felt that Meizi had given birth to a daughter, and she has not held the child, but is only responsible for cooking and watching TV. But Meizi is still grateful to her.
But living together day by day, the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are getting deeper and deeper, and the feelings cultivated at the beginning are slowly disappearing.
Meizi said: "I only want to get by with my mother-in-law now, but it is good that I live separately now, otherwise I would have divorced a long time ago, and the feelings between husband and wife would have been consumed." ”
Xiaojiao Heart Language:
As a friend, I still remember meizi saying that her mother-in-law was so happy, a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and eventually became the "most familiar stranger", which is "the disaster of living together".
Even if there are "100 times want to divorce and 50 times want to strangle each other" between husband and wife, let alone mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
It is said that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a difficult problem for eternity, since it is so difficult, then do not solve it, distance is the best option.
Wu Zhihong said in "Why Family Hurts People":
"The son is the best person to mediate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and if he does not want his family to be torn apart, he should take responsibility and actively regulate the relationship between mother and wife, rather than running away."
But in real life, how many people can afford this responsibility?
But take a step back, first of all, do not require your wife to live with your parents, minimize friction, and life will be much better.