Visitor Xiaoli (pseudonym) said:
I married at the age of nineteen and my husband was born (not his real name) six years older than me.
I met him through the introduction of others, before marriage my husband was very good to me, has been fiercely pursuing me, almost everything I asked for will satisfy me, spoil me as a princess, but he is too good at disguise.
After knowing each other for about 9 months, I accidentally became pregnant, and after the parents of the two sides met, I and he quickly got married, and everything at the wedding was handled by his parents, and he and I basically followed the instructions of his parents.
It wasn't until shortly after I got married that I discovered that he had a very eccentric personality, that we didn't have a common language, and that he would often quarrel with my in-laws, and that my father-in-law had a bad temper and would often socialize and drink, and would curse when he came home.
Once I couldn't stand it anymore, I told him I was going to get a divorce, he didn't agree, he threatened me, and for a while after that, I didn't talk about divorce.
From marriage to now, I have no job, I am in the state of a stay-at-home mother, and every day is around the children and family.
Over the years, sometimes a little thing, he will often beat me, and he often drinks heavily, every time he is drunk, he deliberately finds things, not only hit me, but also beats the child, there is no heavy beating, sometimes a kick kicks the child far away, the child can't stand up for a long time, I cried and shouted in pain and can't stop it, often kneeling on the floor and holding his leg and begging him not to fight again.
Every time he beat our mother and son drunk, I told him to divorce him, but the next day, after waking up drunk, he knelt down and begged for my forgiveness, and a big man cried and swore to me that he would not hit me and the child again, and I forgave him with a soft heart.
But the next time I drank alcohol or went crazy, hit me and the child, what should I do, he drank and beat people, sober and apologized, I hope I forgive, I really doubt that he is a split personality.
For the sake of the child I swallowed until now, in my heart he has no feelings for him, I have no feelings when he beat me, I thought about divorce, but after the divorce hurt the most is the child, the child is still small, what should I do?
Consultant Diagnosis:
Looking at the situation described by the client, the following problems were identified:
1. The two parties have not known each other for a long time, have a weak emotional foundation, and are in a passive marriage state;
2, Xiaoli's family is general, born with superior family, but the natural original family is very strong, resulting in male power has been suppressed;
3. The innate marriage model replicates the marriage model of the original family, and has been in a state of "violent marriage" for a long time;
4, Xiaoli because of the child, has been enduring this marriage model, long-term in the state of full-time mother, can not leave the family;
Through the first subconscious processing, we found more situations:
1. Because she was 2 months pregnant, Xiaoli's parents required that she marry Xiaoli as soon as possible and pay a dowry of 180,000 yuan;
2, Xiaoli is the eldest in the family, there is a younger brother who is in high school, and the parents are son-oriented, from childhood to adulthood is better for the younger brother, the overall family environment is not good, from small to large rarely get the attention of parents, when the understanding of the natural, soon accepted the natural good for themselves, and enjoyed it very much;
3, from childhood to adulthood, parents will leave good things to my brother, from time to time will be "violent education" to me, I can only endure, and soon forgive my parents for this behavior;
4. Living in a repressed native family for a long time, Xiaoli is very eager to have a warm home and wants to get out of her native family as soon as possible;
5, Xiaoli in the second year of junior high school and high school, she has a relationship;
In the first subconscious healing, we helped Xiaoli to see her long-term life pattern.
first
Let Xiaoli enter the subconscious state, to release her emotions for her husband, parents, and brother, to see her relationship and position in the original family.
second
By exploring the relationship pattern between Xiaoli and her original family, she saw that she had been "violently educated" by her parents for a long time in the past, so that she had been in a state of tolerance and rapid forgiveness.
Be good at understanding your relationship with your parents, understand your parents' long-term parenting patterns for yourself, and see why you have endured her husband's violence for a long time, and there are natural reasons for quick forgiveness;
third
By looking back at the past state of life, I can't feel the warmth in the original family, I can only seek warmth from the unexpected environment of the family, I started to fall in love in junior high school and high school, began to enjoy the care, love and care of male classmates for themselves, and enjoy the sweetness of love, such warmth is what Xiaoli has been longing for;
When he knew Him, he enjoyed his innate pampering of himself, enjoyed his tolerance for himself, and soon accepted him.
Because of the unexpected pregnancy, I was oppressed by my parents, afraid that I would ruin my parents' reputation, ruin the reputation of the family, and at the same time, the child's own reputation became stinky, and I also accepted my parents' request to marry me as soon as possible.
When I asked to get married, I didn't think about my natural feelings at all, and I wanted him to marry me as soon as possible, but I got rid of my parents and hoped to have a happy family with me.
Through this subconscious healing, Xiao Li burst into tears, finally saw the reason why she chose this man, and finally knew why she would choose to be born as her husband.
Seeing is the beginning of healing, and when we can clearly see the reasons behind the choices you have made, you can understand why you are living the life you are today, why you have the current pattern of life.
(To be continued)