"There is a reason to meet thousands of miles, and there is no reason not to meet on the other side." Fate can make two people meet together under the influence of some kind of opportunity, they love each other and know each other, but there are many people who love and love and disperse.
Indeed, fate is a very magical thing, it can build a bridge for two strangers, perhaps they can breed love between them, but not necessarily can go to marriage, because marriage itself is more complicated than love.
From the perspective of psychology, people who can become husband and wife in this life are not because of "fate".
We choose to work together because we are a good fit for each other
Leonidova said, "The basis of marriage is love, attachment, respect." ”
Some lovers, they are indeed enough to love each other, because in the face of difficulties, they will never choose to abandon each other, but because of some small things in life to consume love.
There is such a small couple, after graduating from college, the two of them personally choose to work in Beijing, the woman's parents are authentic Beijingers, her family conditions are very good, and the man comes from a small county, the family has a lot of children, and the parents are farming.
The woman paid for a house, and the two of them began to live together, although the house was not large, but they were very happy.
Every month, the boy has to send a part of the money to the family, because the parents have to take a lot of medicine every month, and all the money earned by the girl will be subsidized in the daily life of the two people.
However, over time, the contradiction between the two people will also arise, and under the influence of the family environment, she is particularly confident and optimistic, so no matter what happens, she will always look forward.
The man himself has a sense of inferiority, especially in the metropolis of Beijing, he feels that his peers around him are better than himself, and every time he faces the woman's parents, he is always afraid, and he has always felt that her parents look down on him.
One day, the woman said that she wanted to change her previous job and change to one she liked, because she felt that only in this way would she have more motivation.
However, the man does not think so, he feels that the current living conditions of the two people are not easy to stabilize, and they cannot take the risk of quitting their jobs, otherwise the quality of life of the two of them will be difficult to guarantee.
So in matters big and small, they always quarrel, and even in the end, even choosing to eat has become a contradiction.
Originally they planned to divorce, but there were too many inappropriate places, the two cried and chose to break up, not because they didn't love, but it was difficult to really live together.
Lovers enter marriage and choose to become husband and wife, absolutely not just because of fate, but because they are suitable for each other, to a large extent, this is due to the original family of both parties and the environment they later live in, because even if they love each other again, they cannot change this long-formed cognition and values.
Living together because of "interests"
A couple of lovers, if they do not have common interests between them is difficult to really live together.
When the word profit is mentioned, many people do not understand it, and even feel that it tarnishes the sacred and romantic love.
If, during the relationship, men and women only know how to talk about love, but do not base themselves on reality and put the goal a little longer, then once they really involve marriage, the relationship between two people will be easily overwhelmed by difficulties.
Before a couple becomes a couple, they will talk about things related to money, and their common goal is to make their lives better for themselves and each other.
Talking about money does not hurt feelings, but lovers who do not talk about money can not become husband and wife in the end.
In the emotional survey, we found that old couples who have lived for a long time will have multiple interests tied to each other.
Such interests may involve a spiritual or a material dimension.
For example, one partner develops a dependency on the other because he can give her comfort or a strong arm when she is frustrated, or a man and a woman start a business together and run a company together, and two people who leave each other will cause huge losses.
The American writer Beecher said: "A happy marriage makes people add wings, and an unfortunate union makes people put shackles." ”
Those lovers who can become husband and wife, when in love, they can maintain a high degree of coordination and cooperation.
Psychologist Bonler believes that a stable marriage requires cooperation between husband and wife, and only when both parties know how to cooperate can they avoid the contradictions that occur in the relationship between the sexes and all the problems in their future lives.
Because of the existence of interest relations, it will make the relationship stable, which also means that men and women have to pay and sacrifice, otherwise, it is difficult to make both people satisfied.
Giving and sacrificing is a painful process in itself, which is why half of the lovers will choose to give up in the middle, which is doomed to become a husband and wife, not to mention that marriage is much more bitter than love.
The relationship between husband and wife is complex, based on love, but subordinate to life, which is doomed to simple fate is far from enough.