How can I get my child to learn actively? Psychology explains to you: do 4 to 2 don'ts

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2024-06-03 21:52Published in Hebei

In fact, children never lack enthusiasm and motivation to learn, but in the process of parenting, children's learning motivation is exhausted.

What is Learning?

Learning in a broad sense refers to relatively lasting changes in the behaviour or behavioural potential of humans and animals through experience in the course of life.

For example, swimming and cycling, once we learn it, we can almost never forget it.

Learning is also the accumulation of repeated experience, for example: through a summer of practice, master the essentials of the movement and learn to swim.

For example, the chasing and fighting of animals is also learning, in order to practice hunting skills.

Learning in the narrow sense is generally considered to be the acquisition of book knowledge in school.

Children are born with a passion for learning

From the birth of a small life, TA is full of enthusiasm and curiosity about the world around him, from the initial reflex movements (grasping, sucking) to intelligent movements (acquired movements), and then to the ability to act, and begin to explore the surrounding environment.

They always maintain a strong curiosity, a desire to explore and a desire to learn. Every child is born with the motivation to continue to develop upwards and better. It's just that in the acquired upbringing, because of some inappropriate ways, the child's enthusiasm is exhausted.

Inappropriate ways to dampen your child's enthusiasm for learning

1. The mother cannot leave the child

From birth, it enters a state of mother-infant symbiosis, the baby depends on the mother's care to survive, and the mother also detached herself from her own life, work, and interests, and takes care of the baby wholeheartedly. Or rather, the mother of the newborn lives to take care of the baby.

A person's life is a process of gradual development, growth, and independence.

When a baby wants to start her own exploration, if the mother can't get out of the initial "full attention", she will feel "abandoned".

The baby no longer needs her as much as she did when she was born, and her value as a mother (caregiver) is squeezed. Some mothers are unable to adapt to the development of the baby, and if they withdraw in time, it will violate the baby's world.

It is common for the mother to refuse the baby's exploration because she is worried about the possible danger, or to remove the possible danger in advance, and the baby is unable to experience frustration and autonomy.

The child will have the illusion that the outside world is dangerous, and the mother's arms are the safest.

As a result, the mother successfully held the baby in her arms, and the value of the mother's caregiver role continued to be reflected.

This failure to adapt to the baby's development can also be manifested in interrupting the baby's exploration and preventing the baby from continuing to explore.

A common phenomenon is: when the baby is fiddling with toys and reading books, it is interrupted by feeding water and snacks.

On the one hand, this can lead to a lack of concentration and a sense of continuity of exploration. On the other hand, interrupted interests are sometimes difficult to reconnect.

For example, when we are interrupted from work, we are assigned other tasks, and when we come back, we need to pick up on the previous work.

2. Focus on the negative perspective

The recitation is slow, the words are ugly, and the homework is procrastinating......

Common reasons: Parents are accustomed to interpreting their children's behavior from a negative perspective, resulting in negative behavioral interpretations such as "not working hard enough, procrastinating, slow, and stupid".

When parents have negative emotions and then pass them on to their children, children are full of frustration and guilt.

As a result, negative cognitions such as "learning is difficult and bad" are generated, and children will also have negative self-evaluations if they are in negative evaluations for a long time.

Namely: I'm bad, I can't do it, I'm unpopular.

If these two items are superimposed, it is definitely a 1+1>2 effect.

No one likes to do something that can never be done well, and when there is too much gap between the goal (what the parents ask) and the reality (what I think I am capable of), people will think that it is an impossible task and will usually choose to give up.

How to regain children's enthusiasm and take the initiative to learn?

To put it simply, in general terms: do the above two common reasons in reverse, and you're good to go.

1. Observe and evaluate the stage of children's psychological development

Regardless of physiological factors, most children with learning difficulties have a lag in psychological development. We find out the stage of a child's psychological development, not to go back to the past, and we can't go back.

The point is: we need to treat the child in a way that is appropriate for his mental age.

For example, if a child with Down syndrome is 30 years old, can he be treated the same way he is treated as an adult?

Let's talk about a case~~

A pair of Kochi parents whose son has difficulty learning and after a positive assessment found that their son's mental age stayed at about 5 years old. At this time, the boy was already in his first year of junior high school.

They resolutely decided to take a semester off, and the couple took turns playing with their children at home as if they were 5-year-olds.

They found that the children were super excited and interested in toys for 5 and 6-year-olds.

This scene made my mother burst into tears.

Mom said: "One semester, I feel that he has grown from 5 years old to 10 years old, and there is still a long way to go before he adapts to the level of junior high school, so we will take another semester off." (I forgot the original sentence, but it probably meant so.) ）

2. Look at children from a positive perspective

Looking at your child from a positive, positive perspective is not about ignoring your child's problems. It's about helping children build confidence and regain their sense of self-efficacy---- I can do it!

Focus, focus, focus: We need to use positive evaluation to squeeze children's mental space and reconstruct positive self-awareness.

The same behavior, interpreted from different perspectives, will have different cognitions.

For example: children procrastinate in their homework~~

Negative perspective: grinding, procrastination, laziness, lack of concentration

Positive view: Isn't it? Need help? Isn't it uncomfortable?

Don't think it's weird to think so, let's be honest: children who procrastinate everything, especially those who have negative emotions after procrastination, children who often blame themselves, beat themselves, and say they are stupid, they are perfectionists.

They fantasize that they can do their homework perfectly, but the gap between reality and ideal is too big, or there is a little unsatisfactory place, they will have a sense of guilt and guilt, and instantly exhaust their psychological resources.

What parents see is: children procrastinate, grind, and mess up.

Rosenthal, an American psychologist, once told a "big lie" to the teachers and students of a school: he said that a group of "people with good talents" had been selected after testing.

You say, if you were a teacher or a principal, would you pay special attention to this group of children?

Therefore, the teacher will be very tolerant and positive about these children, and the more tolerant and positive the teacher is, the harder the child will try.

Because the child will think: I am a good student in the eyes of the teacher!

As a result, in the two-way interaction between teachers and students, a real group of "people with good talents" have been created alive~!

This is the Rosenthal effect, also known as the expectation effect!

3. Discover that children's interests are strengthened and generalized

Everyone will have their own interests, if parents can find a certain interest and characteristics of their children, especially the aspects that they do better than others, they must strengthen it in time, so that they can have a sense of confidence and self-efficacy in this interest.

The confidence generated by this interest is generalized to other aspects of learning.

4. Practical operation in a specific sentence

I think that children who have been belittled for a long time and children who have been praised for a long time are equally vicious and unlucky when they grow up!

Being belittled, not to mention, there is a lot of relevant information, and the most direct harm is low self-esteem and low self-awareness.

Being praised can easily amplify children's narcissism, lead to high expectations, a large gap with reality, and if they fail, they will also amplify frustration.

If it is an inappropriate compliment, the child will make the child proud and not know how to work hard.

Correct sentence in practice: How did you do it!

This sentence contains a lot of information:

First, help children recall successful experiences, deepen the joy of success, and accumulate successful experiences.

Second, the process of recalling is also a process of summarizing and reviewing successful experiences.

Thirdly, as a parent, I'm curious and curious to know your experience, can you tell me?

This sentence is very powerful, and it is also a good mirror for children. It is a kind of refreshing feeling similar to spiritual resonance, and only a child who gets a good mirror will grow into what he should be.

Focus on marriage, family and parent-child relationship, a tepid, just the right temperature, if it happens that you also like my content, pay attention to me, and understand a little psychology every day.

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