Prodigy, cow baby, prestigious school... Good cards are easier to play, and choice is more important than talent
Text | Thirteenth sister
Do you know the story of "prodigy Zhang Xinqiao"?
He was 10 years old in college and was already studying for a PhD by the age of 16. Now he said bitterly to the camera: "My parents still owe me a house in Beijing." Everyone looks, haha, what about the prodigy, in the end, it's just a dream of a suite...
But don't worry, if you read the whole story and you will find that you really can't blame this child.
The Zhang family, whose ancestral tomb is smoking blue, has a so-called "prodigy", but unfortunately the parents' pattern cannot keep up, and the family gradually becomes a joke. It is recommended that the parents of the Zhang family write an autobiography of regret while it is hot, and the title of the book is "How I Beat a Good Hand".
Zhang Xinqiao took the college entrance examination at the age of 10, his score was only 500 points, and he wanted to study for another year to take the 985 exam, who knew that his parents would rather let their son make do with 500 points to go to a vocational and technical normal university, but also to change the reputation of "a prodigy who entered college at the age of 10".
During the undergraduate period, the teacher suggested that 13-year-old Zhang Xinqiao wait one more year and go to Germany for further study at the age of 14, but his parents forcibly objected, and he must not waste a year, so that his son should immediately study in China for graduate school.
Leave academic choices aside and look at life choices. Zhang told his parents that as long as he bought a suite in Beijing, he would continue to study in Beijing. The parents said yes, but behind the scenes, they actually rented a house to cheat their children. This is why Zhang Xinqiao said, "They owe me a suite, which is worth more than 10 million now."
Good fellow, Zhang Xinqiao's parents are like God, closing one door for their son and closing another door...
They control when they study, they block studying abroad, they refuse to buy a house, and they live in ignorance and stupidity all their lives without pretending to understand.
Cognition is not high, and blind command, many parents' desire to control is so confused and confident.
Is college a cow in the morning? Is graduating early an excellent? I really don't know where this god's nagging time urgency came about.
In fact, if you think about it, this also comes from a distorted cognition, thinking that being admitted to college is a sign of a child's success. They are outdated, narrow-minded, and hegemonic, saying the same thing, only thinking about their own goals and not the development of their children.
In the process of a person's growth, what age should be done, the so-called "prodigy" is certainly superior in IQ, but the progress of physical and psychological development cannot be changed. Psychology has a scientific basis for more than a hundred years ago, this Zhang parents do not understand science, even if they do not understand science, with an inexplicable sense of urgency step by step to put their children on the bar, isn't the picture of their own face for so many years.
If I were to say, this is gambling with children and betting on tomorrow.
Now it looks like it's about to lose halfway. Of course, it is possible that this child will also strive to create a world in the future, who knows, but it is certain that if his parents do not delay and do not insist on going their own way, his life will be completely different.
This incident teaches us that parents who "can't support" their children are useless no matter how "godly" they are.
Some parents have little culture or knowledge, but at least they don't delay their children and don't destroy their children; And some parents, a little cultured, but not much, but bad things, it is easy to combine high control, no vision, good and good achievements, ignorance and incompetence, and extremely low patterns.
You look at Zhang Xinqiao's three choices, but if his parents do it right once, it will not make Zhang Xinqiao seem that life is so unworthy.
Choice is really more important than talent, otherwise a good hand will be sparsely played by ignorant parents.
In fact, I have to admit that most of us parents now have a large part of utilitarianism in their children, but utilitarianism and vanity themselves are also part of life and cannot be cleared of. But where is the destination of utilitarianism?
In fact, when you send to a new height, there are new troubles of a new height, and a prestigious school is not the end. At that time, you will find that you can also find cram classes for make-up schoolwork, and it will be difficult to make up for people.
I have heard girls from Peking University and Tsinghua University complain about the boys of our school more than once.
Even my professor in the course "Developmental Psychology" mentioned this. She studied psychology in the United States with a master's degree and a doctorate, graduated from Tsinghua University with a bachelor's degree, and once talked about a theory, she suddenly said: "Tsinghua girls generally can't look at Tsinghua boys." ”
At first glance, this sentence does not seem to have any esoteric theories in it, but it may make people think that Tsinghua girls are cold and arrogant, pretentious, and over-eyed.
The professor's explanation later is very interesting: "The reason why boys in Tsinghua are not favored by girls is because they seem to have nothing attractive except for exams, especially the way and ability to treat people, which is a very big shortcoming." ”
After that, she gave a few examples: "Most boys can't see gentlemanly manners, poor life ability, there are many moms, always compete with girls for bicycle parking spaces, and show a strong exquisite self-interested style in large and small activities..."
It's not that girls necessarily need to be extra taken care of or courtesy by boys, after all, on the campus of colleges and universities, equal rights is a basic rule of survival, and everyone is working hard to study, they are very busy, how can they take care of others every day? Therefore, as a boy, of course, you can not care about the style of doing things, then, of course, it will not be favored by girls, which is complementary, and you can't say that girls are pretentious and over-eyed because girls don't like your style.
The professor then gave an example, saying that occasionally one or two gentlemen appeared, very popular with their classmates, very popular, but their academic performance was basically the bottom of the class.
That's interesting—are being people and learning two things in conflict? Especially in a place like Tsinghua, where top students gather, a person's level of "being a person" is easily magnified.
I'm curious, who has a stronger sense of subjective happiness between the popular boy who always counts down on the exam and the lone ranger schoolboy who is cold-eyed? Test scores and rankings may last for three or four years, after graduation, what about going into society, starting a family, a person with a plump personality, a warm and positive attitude to life, isn't there more room for happiness?
Whether it is the "prodigy" that parents are proud of, or the "cow baby" who has squeezed into prestigious schools everywhere, in the end, they may be neither liked by others nor like themselves. Is this really the result we have worked so hard to raise our children to see?
If a group of children look lifeless, coping with life, and even can't see the recklessness that youth should have, they should be good at the test, they should not participate in other activities, they have no friends, they will not talk or listen, to put it bluntly, they don't look like a living person, like a walking life task punch machine... I only think he's pitiful, I don't think he's very powerful.
How many people have raised their children as question-makers and test machines, but they are not unhappy or popular when they go out of the house.
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, proposed the concept of "positive education", that is, students should achieve a sense of academic achievement and a sense of well-being that matches it. We've had more educational opportunities, more arts education, more entertainment, more books, and more purchasing power over the past 50 years, but studies show that 20 percent of teens experienced depression before high school and are no more satisfied with their lives than they were 50 years ago. In particular, gratitude, positive and constructive response, character strengths, humanity, positive emotions and many other aspects have regressed.
Some people may say: My child doesn't need to be liked by everyone.
But few people think: Does my child like the way he looks.
Zhang Xinqiao is a person who doesn't seem to like himself, he said that there is no point in going out to work, it is not interesting to buy a house, a prodigy who was once considered to have an infinitely broad future, should have greater ambitions, bigger dreams, and now there are not many interesting things for him... Many people may be in the same state, it seems that as long as they can solve their own food and clothing, eating and waiting for death in big cities is also a way to live.
These children may have worked very hard, but in the end they still live like puppets of their parents, let alone what can create value, you don't owe the world, why should you sacrifice your own happiness to create a lot less value for others? It is not difficult to create value, and it is the most difficult to be satisfied with yourself and life.
No matter how smart, excellent, talented, diligent, hardworking, idealistic and assertive the child is... When you meet a pair of parents who like to match, they are like a puppet, the choice surface becomes smaller, and the meaning of talent and effort will be greatly reduced.
If you want to open a little, as long as you understand that "choice is more important than talent", you will find that correct, wise, positive and effective multiple-choice questions are actually answered by parents.
In other words: to be a chicken baby, first improve your own pattern.