How can I, who changed my fate by taking the exam, reconcile with my child's low score?
Progression to higher education is never an easy task, especially at this special stage of the high school entrance examination. Because of the "job and general separation", some children are also forced to clarify their life plans and routes early. For the "second generation" whose grades are in the gap between general high schools and vocational schools, they may also bear the pressure and expectations of parents from the "test generation". The following is the self-report of a "test generation" Chongqing mother. In her story, we see her family's "overwhelmed" when preparing for the exam, and it can also make us think, in the new era, what should education pay more attention to?
This article is reproduced from the public number: NetEase Cultural and Creative Human Studio (ID: thelivings)
Wen 丨 Xiaoyu Editor 丨 Tang Sugar Pai 丨 Lulu
In September, a new class of high school students began to enter the campus. The middle school entrance examination 3 months ago decided where the children are going now, and under the "vocational and general stream", the competition was ahead, and the high school entrance examination became the key "race point" for children to read general high school or vocational high school.
The parents of the "test generation" who have already enjoyed the dividends of the college entrance examination are particularly anxious, and they cannot accept the fact that their "second generation" cannot even pass the general high school exam.
I am a mother in Chongqing, and since my son entered junior high school, she has been fully protecting her child to prepare for the middle school entrance examination.
Today, although my son barely read Pu Gao as an art student, he still thinks back on the anxiety, hesitation, and struggle he has experienced in the past three years, especially the differences, quarrels and mutual accusations between husband and wife.
What exactly is education?
One day in early May this year, my son came back from school in the evening, spread out his English book and memorized words, but was obviously absent-minded. After a while, he finally spoke: "Mom, the results of the 'three diagnoses' are out, and I only have 393 points." ”
The "three diagnoses" is the third "diagnostic examination" of the third year of junior high school, and it is also the last comprehensive test of students' homework before the middle school entrance examination. My son's voice was very small, but the number was too harsh, and my heart sank: "Add sports?" How are the scores distributed for each subject? ”
"Added." He snorted, and after a moment, he raised his voice again, "This exam question is more difficult than the middle school exam." ”
Before I could react, his father had heard it in the next room, and came over angrily: "After such a score in the test, do you still have a face back?" Can't go to high school, wait to become the bottom of society in the future! If you want to go to a high position, no way! Don't stay in this home after June! Wherever you go! ”
Seeing that a storm between father and son was about to come again, I quickly stopped my son: "Let's go out for a walk and talk about hearts." ”
My son followed me downstairs, and in the elevator, he blushed and asked repeatedly: "Mom, what is education?" Only look at the results, only involve? Is Pu Gao really better than Junior Gao? ”
I couldn't answer that question and was in a state of confusion. Since his son entered junior high school, this scene has happened countless times, and the fifteen or sixteen-year-old son and his husband who is almost fifty have repeatedly collided fiercely and misfired because of the "high school entrance examination".
The son went to an ordinary junior high school, and in the third year of junior high school, he was assigned to the errand class. According to his son, since March, several students in the class have successively finalized the vocational high school:
"Zhang Yuan applied for the vocational high school recommended by the teacher to study arts and crafts, and he said that he would become a tattoo teacher in the future."
"Chen Xian's brother enrolled him in Wuyi Technical School to learn auto repair."
"Yi Jie applied for a private vocational high school and studied marketing."
……
Speaking of the whereabouts of several friends, the son is very envious, because what they want to learn is what they like, and their families support it. The son does not understand, he also wants to enter the vocational high school hairdressing profession, why does he not get the support of his father?
I can help my son answer: In the eyes of dad, because you are the "second generation of the exam", high school? Not worthy of you!
Luo Zhenyu mentioned in his 2020 New Year's Eve speech that why is the college entrance examination competition becoming more and more fierce today?
It is because the "second generation of the exam" entered the market - their parents are the generation that benefited from the college entrance examination and were changed by the college entrance examination, so they put all their resources into this track and let the next generation repeat the process.
My family is the same, since the day my son was born, my husband and I have taken it for granted that our children should be admitted to college in the future, otherwise what else can they do?
But the truth is not optimistic, since primary school, my son's grades have been mediocre. In this regard, I admit that my mother has a lot of responsibility - before the fifth grade of primary school, I never signed up for a tutoring class for my child, nor did I guide or strictly require him in his study habits, and my son had a relaxed and happy life throughout primary school.
I was born in a rural area, and my parents never managed my studies when I was a child, and the reason why I was able to enter university was all due to my hard work after "waking up".
People tend to be bound by personal experience, and I have always believed that when the grades in elementary school are poor, the children themselves will "wake up", so although the people around me are generally chickens and babies, my family "has a quiet life" and "mother and child filial piety". Also, my family didn't think about any school district housing - looking back now, if I could do it all over again, I would have considered it when my son was in the third or fourth grade, but at that time there was no concept of this at all, and occasionally people around me talked about it and didn't care.
In 2020, my son went to an ordinary scribing junior high school. Towards the end of the first year of junior high school, instead of showing the "long awakening" I expected, his grades began to decline. The terrible thing is that since 2019, the state has strictly implemented the "vocational general diversion", and nearly half of the children will go to vocational high school after graduating from junior high school.
When my husband learned the news, he was so anxious to scratch his liver and lungs, regretting the previous stocking model, and also accused me a lot: "If I were strict with him in learning from a young age, it would not be like this at all." ”
My husband is a person with a strong family concept, except for work, his thoughts are all at home. When my son went to elementary school, he picked up and dropped off every day, and he usually checked the child's homework at night - for the child's learning, he was more motivated than me to supervise, because he also had a son with a female colleague in the office, only one year older than our son, the female colleague paid close attention to the child's learning, almost did not allow the child to touch electronic products, and often took the child to participate in research and reading activities.
"People are so responsible, how do you behave? Too indulgent to my son! "Faced with my son's slack in studying, my husband began to point his resentment at me.
I am indeed responsible, but I also feel aggrieved. After all, there are some parents around who are also strict with their children, but it doesn't help, and there are loose and free-range but their children's grades are still very good.
Anyway, I have to take my son's education seriously, but I still haven't signed my son up for cram school - we spent more than 20,000 yuan to apply for it once during the summer vacation of the fifth grade, making up for a summer vacation and the first semester of the sixth grade, and there was no effect.
This time, I decided to come by myself. I think: the unified teaching of the school's class obviously cannot take care of the differences of each child, so targeted tutoring is necessary, and extracurricular training courses are also this principle, but it still cannot be refined; When I was in middle school, my grades in mathematics, physics and chemistry were okay, and now there is online class assistance, so I tutor my son alone, prescribe the right medicine, and the feedback is more refined; Moreover, my son has always grown up in a relaxed family atmosphere, and we have a good parent-child relationship, and he is also happy for me to tutor.
Therefore, I accompanied my child's online class, helped him sort out the wrong question book, studied the exam questions, summarized the mandatory test points, and easy to make mistakes... My husband also said to me: "In the past two or three years, I can drag on at work, and children come first." ”
However, my "early and greedy for the dark" still had no effect. In the second year of junior high school, there was one more physics, and my son almost completely could not learn it, and his grades in mathematics and English continued to decline as the difficulty increased.
I also talked to the teacher, who said that my son was not paying attention in class and was not focused on studying at all. I was silent – what the teacher said was consistent with what I observed at home.
According to the principle of "deliberate practice", even if a child has average intelligence, as long as the method is correct, it is not difficult to focus and work hard enough, and achieve certain results.
But the problem is precisely in my son's concentration, every time he sits at the desk, he is like sitting on pins and needles, he is not in a state at all, and it is rare to see him pondering a problem. He scribbled and coped, and did math problems without the habit of acting herbs.
Persuasion is also persuasion, noisy is also noisy, it is useless. I know very well that this is a manifestation that children have no internal drive for learning, and if they do not take the initiative and do not care, no one can help.
I also began to doubt my son's intelligence. Taking mathematics and physics as an example, he can only do the simplest and brightest problems, and he will not be able to take a slight turn, and often cannot sort out the logical relationships when reading the known conditions... Is this phenomenon unwilling to use the brain, or is it born with insufficient mathematical logical thinking? It should be both, and it will create a vicious circle, the less it will be, the more it will be repulsive, and the less it will be...
Who is this kid like? It was hard for us husband and wife to figure it out. Before the expansion of university enrollment in the 90s, I passed five hurdles and six to be able to enter 211 universities, and although the child's father was only admitted to junior college, it was not easy in the early 90s, he himself was very able to endure hardships, love to ponder, and be careful when things happened, but these advantages did not seem to be inherited to his son.
If it goes on like this, my son will definitely not be able to pass the joint recruitment line in the middle school entrance examination, and his high position is unacceptable to our whole family.
After going around in circles, I went back to square one
During the summer vacation of the second year of junior high school, my son suddenly told me the news: all the students of the junior high school of their school's football team entered the corresponding district key high schools, and "some of them had very poor grades, and they could only take the math test by 30 or 40 points, and they were also sent in."
I was surprised, and once again realized how chaotic and ignorant my previous policy on "art and sports students" was - since the second semester of my son's second year of junior high school, I changed from a financial media to an educational media, often went to the school for interviews, and began to understand some about the channels for further education and academic planning. The more I learned, the more I regretted my neglect of my son as a child.
Taking the university entrance examination as an example, in fact, if you check the "Sunshine College Entrance Examination website", you will find that there are more than 20 channels to enter the university, such as competitions, guarantees, talent blessings, etc., and hard fighting "naked points" is only one of them. For the middle school entrance examination, some of the students in key high schools are also from special students.
The son is well-proportioned, tall, fast-running, and enjoys participating in basketball and soccer activities in his spare time. When I first entered junior high school, I heard him say that the school had a special football team, but he didn't care, and he didn't offer to join. So, can the son also be admitted through the sports score reduction?
With the attitude of giving it a try, I found a high school physical education teacher I had interviewed. He said that the skill ball game, now is a little late, but if the child has running talent, you can still try, this is hard work, to practice more, endure hard, the 100-meter test can reach the national second-class athlete standard.
My son is willing to try, and since the summer vacation, he has trained with the teacher, and he can persist in the heat of more than 30 degrees. However, after the start of the third year of junior high school, the son is not willing to train, the problem is not to endure hardships, but the son always feels that training in other people's schools, other classmates know each other, he is an outsider, there is no sense of belonging, this feeling is very bad.
"This is a matter of your future and destiny, and you still care about this? So ignorant! "My husband was angry.
But the son insisted on not going again. I can understand him, for a 14-year-old, companionship is very important, and besides, with training once a weekend, there is not much hope. I also inquired about track and field personal trainers, but because of such and such problems, they couldn't do it.
I thought about art and music, but I felt that it might be too late at this time, and I could only return to the track of pressing results.
His son's grades are still declining, and he is not willing to study. This completely annoyed his father, and father and son had serious conflicts many times.
During that time, my husband's blood pressure was already as high as 160, and it was rare to see a smile in a day. But the more he did this, the more his son's hatred of mathematics and physics increased: "Mom, what is the use of learning these functions, circuits, molecular atoms?" I don't want to work on this in the future! ”
I was speechless for a moment.
In fact, his son is not useless in his studies, and in the first year of junior high school, his historical results have always been at the top of the class, and he once won the first place in the class in geography. He especially likes geography, what mountains and bays are in which part of the world, what color people are inhabited, which island countries are in the Pacific, what routes these people first migrated from, what language family they belong to... Be at home in.
What makes people laugh and cry is that when he takes online classes at home at the National Curriculum Center, he prefers to go to a high school history class, where he is attentive and interested. I think that if my son can study geography and anthropology in the future, it should be a very suitable direction. However, these research-oriented majors must cross the threshold of high school and university, which means that the junior high school stage must cross the difficulties of mathematics, physics and chemistry, which is difficult for him.
The son also has an alternative hobby - hairdressing. This interest also originally stemmed from his curiosity about the differences in hair and face shapes of different races on the earth, coupled with adolescent attention to his appearance, which was out of control. Once watching the World Hairdressing Competition, he said to me with a look of fascination: "Mom, I will also participate in the future and win the World Hairdressing Championship." ”
Learning hairdressing, this is not subject to mathematics, physics and chemistry results, it is within reach, very realistic, and the hairdressing profession of high vocational can be achieved. To be honest, I can basically accept it. After all, it's not uncommon to find a job after graduating from college, and having a practical skill may be alive well.
One of my usual tasks is to go deep into vocational schools to interview outstanding students. When I really approached them, I could really feel the words that were always on the lips of educators - "Good education is not the same, but good at discovering children's interests and talents." ”
Most of these excellent vocational school students are gray in the junior high school brushing mode, but after arriving at the vocational high school, they either "wake up" in time, or just happen to learn the major that suits them, and the "small universe" breaks out. Some of them graduated from junior high school and first worked part-time and then went to vocational high school to study, and won the WorldSkills Championship; Some people who first study auto repair major are not suitable to transfer to e-commerce majors, and earn 30,000 a month at the age of 21 after working; There are also those who passed the vocational high curve to save the country and then take the undergraduate examination; There are also those who love to dress up since childhood, and later learned character design, and won the national competition award and earned a lot of money...
Of course, I wasn't naïve enough to think that every child would be so good, which may be the survivorship bias effect, and only good children come into the media spotlight.
If the grades are not good, then learn a skill according to the interest, rely on the craft to eat steadily—I began to think about my son's high career. But my husband strongly disagreed. For his son, he once had a beautiful imagination: he studied at the University of Political Science and Law and became a tall and handsome judge; Or go to a medical university and become a doctor; Of course, civil servants are better ...
Since my son entered junior high school, although my husband has been repeatedly devastated by reality and his expectations have been constantly decreasing, he has always had a bottom line: even if he is admitted to a second-rate and third-rate university in the future, he must get a bachelor's degree.
Of course, my husband also knows that there is also an opportunity to continue to take the junior college undergraduate examination, but the probability and optional school are obviously much smaller than the general high school. What worries us more is the academic style of vocational high schools.
The child's adolescence is the stage most influenced by peers, and one of the important reasons why son's grades continue to decline in the second year of junior high school is to play with the worst and naughty children in the class every day. He is not sensible, and it is unimaginable if there are more such children around him - in fact, this is the main factor why many parents do not want their children to go to high jobs.
Take 10,000 steps back and say, even if the husband agrees that the child will study vocational high school, it must be to learn hard crafts such as auto repair, electromechanical, electric welding, etc., not tourism, beauty salon these "virtual heads", in his opinion, 1 meter 8 young man, engage in these mother-in-law mother's things, what kind of system?
I don't agree with this, but I don't want to struggle with my husband anymore, whether it is his body, spirit or our family relationship, he can no longer be tormented.
I explained the situation to my son: "If you go to a high school now, because your father is against it, you won't be able to learn your favorite major." Therefore, it is better to go to general high school first, after high school, if you still like beauty salon, the worst can also be admitted to such a major of higher vocational education. Of course, it is best to go directly to Japan, South Korea, Italy and learn high-end. ”
When the son heard these words, his eyes suddenly flashed. I continue to boost his motivation and paint a bright picture for him: "Don't you also like geographical anthropology? After studying abroad, I can go on field 'investigations' in my spare time and meet various people, which is very interesting. ”
The son nodded repeatedly: "Mom, I still want to go to Pugao." "Especially thinking that he can choose liberal arts after entering the general high school, and can get rid of the physical chemistry that he likes the most, he is very willing to rush."
Going around in circles, still back to square one, must be tested for now.
Another lifesaver
Soon after entering the third year of junior high school, my biggest fear happened: my son was placed in a bad class due to poor grades.
According to the experience of previous years, the online rate of such classes is less than 20%. I could hardly imagine where my son would be studying in a few months, and my husband sighed.
I understand my husband, as far as he can see, seems to be successful parents: the daughter of my cousin's family was admitted to the graduate school of 985, and now works in a state-owned enterprise with considerable treatment; The young people newly assigned to the unit are at least masters; And the closest example to him is that the son of that female colleague has been admitted to the headquarters of Chongqing "Dragon Ball" High School... His own son can't, he feels that he has lost face.
I can see that among the 6 classmates in the same dormitory in my university, only 2 classmates have better grades, and the rest are average, it seems that not every "test generation" can pass on the top student genes to their children. A few years ago, didn't Tsinghua professor Liu Yu also complain that her daughter couldn't learn mathematics? And from my interviews, those parents who have high expectations for the "test generation" are prone to problems in their children.
Who says that children can't be saved when they have poor grades when they are young? Life is long, and losing at the starting line does not necessarily mean losing. I myself "woke up" only in the second year of junior high school, and there are many children who "wake up" only in high school, or even later. But none of this alleviated the child's father's anxiety, and whenever I tried to comfort him, he shook his head again and again, and sometimes his words were not without contempt: "Don't fool yourself." ”
At this moment, another life-saving straw was handed over.
Before the winter vacation, my husband received a call from an art institution, saying that the child would pay more than 9,000 yuan to participate in the art summer camp. This institution has partnerships with many high schools and can be admitted through the Fine Arts Downgrade. The exam is divided into two parts, as a professional class of art, as long as the child is willing to learn, generally can pass; The scores of cultural courses, different levels of school score lines are different, but they are more than 100 points lower than the "naked score" test.
In this way, some high schools, if the score can reach more than 400, it is possible to enter. At first, I thought that the other party was a fraud, but after careful understanding, I found that the operation was compliant - each school originally had a channel for "art and sports students" to reduce scores and admit, compared with other hard power projects such as sports, there is a lot of flexibility in art, and children can reach a certain level through short-term intensive training. After all, the entrance examination of special students in high school is not as strict as the entrance examination of university.
Source: "Little Huanxi"
We did not hesitate and immediately paid for registration. Think about it, when my son was a child, he liked to draw, and he painted it like a decent, but unfortunately I didn't realize it at that time, so I didn't enroll him in a special class.
Hearing that there was such an opportunity to go to Pugao, my son was also very happy, went to the training camp for a period of time during the winter vacation, and was quite excited after returning, telling me how to draw the contour of an object, what is the sense of volume, the classification of perspective ... I am very gratified, just like it, after all, even if you learn hairdressing and character design in the future, you need aesthetics as a foundation.
But the pressure of cultural classes is still not optimistic, because the worst high schools also score more than 400.
Originally, since having the crutch of art, my husband finally breathed a sigh of relief, but the 393 score of his son's "three diagnosis" exam made him angry again. He was originally a gentle person, and our family relationship was relatively harmonious, but since my son entered junior high school, everything has changed, and under the irritation of his mood, he is angry and bad at our mother-in-law.
For more than two years, in his wanton anger, there is a lot of unwillingness and regret, he is unwilling to let his son be so "stupid" and "lazy", and he regrets that he has not strictly controlled his son's learning since he was a child... Eventually, he pointed the finger at me and said it was all my fault.
In the worst conflict between me and my husband, he pointed to me and said: "A good seedling, you have spoiled it, if you listen to me, strict management since childhood, how can the results be so bad?" ”
His words meant something. In the first year of junior high school, two or three times because of study, he had a fierce conflict with his son, adolescent children are very impulsive and do everything, I am afraid of misfire, quickly intervene to calm my son's emotions.
But in my husband's view, it was when he disciplined his son that I "interfered too much", which affected his prestige in the child's heart, resulting in him being unable to display his educational philosophy and allowing his children's learning to be left alone.
"There are so many factors that affect a child's grades, how can it be so simple to attribute?" I sneered back, "Since I was a child, my parents didn't care about my studies, all my classmates in high school were like this, how did we get into college?" My uncle's children were admitted to Shanghai Jiaotong University, and my uncles and aunts were busy with their livelihoods and never took care of his studies. How to explain all this? ”
My husband's emotions are out of control, his face is distorted, and he still does not adhere to it: "When the children's middle school entrance examination is over, we will divorce!" ”
I know it's his angry words. I don't know how many couples, because of their children's poor grades, blame each other, and have a chicken feather.
That night, after the father and son argued, I took my son downstairs to relax, and he issued a series of questions.
I told my son that going to university seems to be a comparison of grades, but in fact, it is a screening of a person's self-discipline and willingness to endure hardships. After all, in the future, we will also encounter some things we don't like to do, but we must do, and we can't do everything by nature. I also answered him with my own example: my mother also studied liberal arts in college, and now she is engaged in literary work, and she doesn't like mathematics, physics and chemistry, but at least in junior high school, I know that I have to cross these thresholds, so no matter how difficult it is, I have to gnaw it. In addition, logical thinking ability, no matter what you do, is very important.
I said these words from the heart, nearly 30 years have passed, and now looking back, looking at these boring functions, inequalities, equation trimming, circuit voltage test questions, I wonder how I gnawed down as a teenager. It is because of the fear of fate, and the great desire to leave the countryside.
When I first entered high school, I was not as old as my current son, but every night after self-study classes, I had to continue studying in the dim light outside my dormitory. Today's son has a rich material life, and it is difficult for me to have the motivation to study back then, so I willfully follow my own interests.
In addition to poor grades, his son is sunny and outgoing, and although he also likes to play with mobile phones, he has little interest in games, and most of the time he spends watching his favorite ethnogeography, movies, hairdressing, and characters. He has an infinite curiosity about the world, but not about brushing up on questions.
But in this era, unwillingness to brush up on questions is likely to mean that you have no chance with a good university. There is only more than 1 month before the middle school entrance examination, and I can only die as a live horse doctor, and one point can be improved.
I put down my job and went all out to tutor my son. I analyzed his fractional structure, and the problem was still in mathematics, physics and chemistry, which was still a long way from passing. Therefore, I studied the middle school examination questions with him in recent years, and only grasped the simplest basic questions in mathematics, physics and chemistry to ensure that the basic questions did not lose points; Language, history, politics, mainly study answering routines and norms, write well; English focuses on basic words and sentence patterns, rote memorization of composition sentence patterns... It can be seen that my son is still very eager for Shangpu Gao, and his attitude towards learning has finally corrected a little.
I also comforted my husband, after all, I still accumulated some school resources, even if the child's score is worse, relying on the status of an art student, there may be room for turnover. Of course, we also made another preparation: inquire which vocational schools have suitable majors for children, compare teachers and school spirit.
Accept that children may not be as good as themselves
On June 12, my son didn't let us take us to the examination room, he took the school bus. It was a sunny day, and at the school gate, watching the children rush into the bus to the examination room, I had mixed feelings: at such a young age, they had to face the first big test in their lives, subject to screening and triage.
This is a little unfair to those children who "wake up" late, but educational resources are limited, what about?
After 3 days of exams, my son was very happy and said that the topic was simpler than he thought. After waiting uneasily for more than 10 days, the score came down, 495 points! Obviously, even if it is difficult to eliminate the difficulty factor, the last 1 month of "sprint" still has seen results. Since the score was higher than expected, at that moment, the son jumped up with joy and came to a big hug: "Thank you mom!" ”
His father and I were happy and sad, happy that it was higher than expected, and sad that the Chongqing joint recruitment line in the past two years was also very high, and he still had a gap of nearly 90 points. I mobilized my relationship with my colleagues and asked several key high schools in the district, without exception, even art students need to go to the joint recruitment line. My son's score is so much worse, I don't have the face to ask for someone.
Didn't the previous art institution promise that more than 400 points would also be read in school?
Sure enough, they said, there were 2 schools to apply for. Those two schools are not even "district focus", but they are public and have general high school status. I have a colleague who is familiar with one of these schools, and in order to ensure that nothing is lost, I asked her to inquire, and the news was true - of course, tens of thousands of yuan were paid at the beginning of the school, which was the "art training fee" for 3 years of high school.
On the night of the volunteer, our family ate hot pot to celebrate. My husband also had a rare smile on his face, the first time in 3 years, so cheerful. After returning in the evening, we had an in-depth conversation with our son and asked him what he planned to do next.
"If you study art well, choose liberal arts in the future, and don't study physical chemistry, it should be much better." The son replied, but he thought to himself, "I'm going to try sports, maybe I can." ”
In the end, it is a fifteen or sixteen-year-old child, simply optimistic. But perhaps my son is right, even in sports, a field that is recognized as requiring children's skills, many people only start formal training in high school. But no matter which direction he develops, the next 3 years will not be easy, because he needs to take cultural courses, and there is still a long way to go to university.
The immediate plan is that if he is still interested in character design after 3 years, he can apply for a university related major, higher vocational (junior college) can also be, and he can also consider going to such a professional technical school abroad to learn a craft thoroughly, and there is a way to eat.
However, the plan is not as fast as the change, maybe he really turned to sports, and the geographical history he has always loved, can be a tour guide... The road ahead is long and there is a lot of uncertainty.
At the same time, my colleague's children rushed to the Qingbei class, the best high school in the city, almost the best gathering place for the best students in Chongqing. This Benben classmate belongs to what I mentioned earlier as the "loose free-range type". His mother was busy with work, had little time to study with her children, and her children never made up classes, but in elementary school she attended "Little Newton Science Class", programming, Go, and sports. In junior high school, the child went to a "Dragon Ball" branch school through the school district room, and before the first year of junior high school, his grades were average, and after entering the second year of junior high school, he suddenly made a force, and his grades soared and he was eligible for escort.
"I think math is very interesting, and doing difficult problems is more rewarding." Speaking of mathematics, Benben's eyes shine. During the summer vacation, he had already participated in the mathematics summer camp organized by the school, which was selected by the school to enter the mathematics competition class in the future, and he was determined to win.
"He is a more conscious, purposeful child, and since I was a child, I have been mainly encouraging and giving him the opportunity to try. In fact, even if the results of Benben are average, we accept that the key for children is to find what they like and be themselves. Benben's mother said.
She has been engaged in education for many years and is currently tutoring career planning for other children, recognizing the difference between children from the bottom of her heart. However, in her professional observations, she still saw more parents' unwillingness and struggle - other people's children are top students, why can't my children?
The famous educator Zhu Yongxin once asked his friend: "Can you accept that your child will be an ordinary person in the future?" ”
For many "test generation" parents, this question can be asked more specifically: Can you accept that your child will not be admitted to college? Can you accept that your child will be inferior to you in the future?
It is estimated that most parents cannot. They want to make sure that children don't fall out of the current class, and that college is the safest way to go. So once a child's grades fail, they are anxious and collapse.
Even if I can accept my son as a hairdresser, beautician, tour guide, cook, maintenance worker, as long as he likes... However, they face the questioning eyes of others and even their own families, and are accused of "educational failure".
How many such children are still living in the yoke of high expectations of their parents? Isn't this the pride of parents full of narrow-mindedness?
Social needs are becoming more and more diverse, new occupations and industries are emerging one after another, and opportunities for young people are abundant. Do you know the large number of career opportunities created by the "beauty economy"? Do you know the talent gap in China's healthcare industry under the aging trend? Do you know the new trend in the profession of childcare sister-in-law and domestic nanny? There are also those dazzling ways to generate revenue on Douyin B station, you may not understand it for a long time.
The road that parents walk through, children may not be able to walk; What parents like, children may not like; The "brushing ability" and "IQ" exercised by parents in a special era may not be inherited by children...
Even if your child is not in college, he may still be better off than you; Of course, it may be inferior to you, or you feel that the child is inferior to you, but because the child is engaged in a favorite profession, his inner happiness is higher than yours...
Anything is possible, but most likely, our children may be ordinary people. Under the background of today's "double reduction" and "job general diversion" policies, doing a good job in managing children's expectations is a topic of the times that parents of the "test generation" must face.
*All characters in this article are pseudonyms. Author: Xiaoyu, graduated from Normal University majoring in education, used to work as a TV documentary director, and is now an educational media reporter. This article is reproduced from "theLivings in the World", follow to learn more really good stories. For long-term submissions, please refer to the "Submission Requirements" for details