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Chen Zhongzhong's "White Deer Plain": "There are many things in the world, although they can be seen clearly, they cannot be said. ”
Whether it is the most cheerful thing or the most sad thing, it is difficult to express it accurately in words.
It's okay to be extremely cheerful, even if it can't be expressed clearly, at least the heart is happy. And the most sad things, can not be expressed clearly will be suppressed in the heart, become a piece of heart disease. If you can't figure it out, you'll be affected for the rest of your life.
There is a saying that "mourning is greater than heart death", which describes the most sad thing. When we encounter such a thing, we can say that our hearts are like ashes, and we can spit out the people and things that should be complained about, but we still feel that some feelings cannot be expressed. Those feelings that cannot be expressed need to be digested by themselves.
Take divorce, for example, some people divorce under extremely sad conditions, the pain they can express is often limited, the rest needs to be figured out by themselves, they need to digest it themselves, if they can't think it through, if they can't digest it, it will be as uncomfortable as "indigestion".
The following reader's marriage is quite helpless, although she wants to try her best to express her helplessness, but there are still many things that need to be digested by herself, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
My husband's and I's love has been divided and merged long before we got married. I thought we could get back together after we broke up and definitely love each other sincerely. Although I found out before I got married that his mother, uncle, and aunt were very strong, looked down on our family, and even slapped the table in front of my parents and stared, I thought that true love could trump everything, so I married him despite my family's objections.
The year I first got married was okay, and then I started to go downhill.
First he resigned, then my father became seriously ill. During my father's serious illness, my mother and I took care of me day and night. My uncle came to make trouble and fight with me, and instead of defending me, he was still with the mud, and later met the uncle who came and was very enthusiastic about him. I was angry, but I felt that he should stand in the united front with me, and his explanation to me was that I was afraid that others would think that he was rude, which planted a knot in my heart.
Even if I was dissatisfied with him, after losing my loved ones, I felt that I should still cherish my existing life and the people who were alive, so I didn't pursue it.
After his parents divorced, his mother took his father's bank card and sent his father to a nursing home, where he didn't take much care of him, and even when we got married, we didn't invite his father to attend. Later, when his father died, his mother consulted with the two of us and wanted to give his father a funeral at the funeral home, but I had no problem.
But then his mother temporarily changed her mind and said that she wanted to do a funeral in our marriage room, I was not happy, but it was useless, his mother had to do it in our house, had to live in our house, beckoned all kinds of relatives to our new house, and made a mess of the house.
After the funeral, he talked to me, but in fact, He asked Xingshi why I did not agree to do the funeral at home, saying that I did not respect his mother: "This is my home, and it is also half of my mother's home, why don't you let her live?" You must go and confess your mistakes to my mother, and you have to solve the contradictions you have provoked yourself! ”
I felt that both women were angry and didn't have to communicate immediately, and as a result he proposed divorce. From the time of divorce registration to the expiration of the cooling-off period, he urged me to go to divorce, because Y could not be done for the time being, which was temporarily shelved.
From the mention of divorce to the present, he and his family have been very determined, and I understand that everything is a foregone conclusion. It's just that women are emotional animals, and I've given so much to him and our little family for so many years that it's hard to break away for a while.
Regarding his father's funeral, I explained it to him in a kind word, but he didn't say anything. And when his mother came to him and cried, saying that I would not let her into the house, he did not hesitate to defend his mother and abandon me and our home.
He likes to be a cold war for a long time, no matter what the reason for the conflict, he is always on top. His salary was never handed over to me, and the only time he put ten thousand yuan to me, he asked me to leave at the instigation of his mother-in-law. I personally saw my mother-in-law send a message to teach him how to do it: "The money is yours, why not?" You said that your father used money to buy the cemetery, and it was only natural to buy a cemetery and let her pay for it! Small things can be indifferent, and the principle issue must be tough, otherwise you will be wronged! ”
I've seen him love me, and then things get worse and worse, and I realize that there are no feelings, there is no need to be nostalgic. It's just that I am too sad about my own efforts, and in the middle I even wonder if I have done something wrong, but on second thought, even if I am wrong, I will not let him and his family completely deny me, right? Wouldn't you be determined to divorce me? Except for his friends around him, no one in his family came forward to persuade me, and even drove me out of the new house.
My friend advised me to think it through, because it is difficult for divorced women to remarry, or to find a good family. Although I have concerns in this regard, I do not want to continue to seek perfection for this reason.
I consulted a lawyer, and the lawyer said that the marital property of the two parties can be divided, and even if he repays the loan alone, the house is also used for the joint property in the marriage, and I can fight for a part. But I didn't argue and voluntarily gave up. Since they thought it was his house, give it to them!
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Although the reader did not give an account of the conversation between her ex-husband and mother-in-law about the divorce, it is not difficult to infer from their style of behavior that the mother and son had such a dialogue: the mother said, "Your daughter-in-law bullied me, divorced her, let her roll", and the son replied "Obey the order!" Let her get out of the house."
If it were not for the family's consultation, it would be impossible to repeatedly say that the house belonged to their family, nor would it be possible to drive her out. If you ask him, he will say, "My mother asked me to divorce you, what can I do!" ”
The most crucial problem is: even if she is really wrong, she has already shown weakness and lowered her posture, and the in-laws are still not spared, completely denying her. Just by rushing to this difference, it can show that she is not wrong, and it is her in-laws who are at fault.
They only see the problems they don't want to see, but they ignore the woman's love for marrying him at the expense of the body, which is not the posture that a person should have.
In addition, with regard to the man's father, the problems of her in-laws' family can be seen more clearly. When his father was alive, mother and son ignored him. When people die, they pretend to be affectionate again, to put it bluntly, that is, to make a show, to show outsiders, just like her ex-husband's uncle who curried favor and bullied her, and what they care about is their own face.
This kind of foolish filial piety men and low emotional intelligence mother-in-law will always ruin the marriage because of the so-called "face", in their view, face is bigger than the sky, and face is much more important than wives and daughters-in-law.
From this point of view, she does not need to be nostalgic. There is no need to worry about not being able to marry a good family after divorce. If you leave a good man, it is understandable to worry about not marrying a good family in the future; if the original person is very bad, what do you have to worry about? Anyone you look for will be better than the original one.
The same is true for others: if you have serious problems in your marriage and you give up, there will be all kinds of possibilities in life; but if you don't give up, there is only one possibility in your life, and that is to continue to suffer.