In the latest episode of "Friends Please Listen Well", a male netizen called for help.
Some time ago, the man and his girlfriend quarreled on the phone, the man immediately hung up the phone, the follow-up girlfriend called him 50 calls and did not answer, the girlfriend said that he was cold and violent, and proposed to break up.
He felt that he was not cold and violent, but just wanted to wait until his girlfriend was emotionally stable before communicating.
Now he is very confused and does not know how to keep his girlfriend for a while.
As a bystander, many people give advice that "the point should be divided" and "there is nothing to keep".
Many times, couples quarrel, couples quarrel is the norm, if you do not know how to cherish, you will only lose happiness.
Just like the man above, he won the girlfriend, but lost his feelings, and finally ended up hurting others and hurting himself.
Someone said, "We spend our whole lives looking for happiness." ”
But what is happiness?
The answer is not the same, having a home is happiness, and having someone to love is also happiness.
The world is big, but happiness may be small, we should learn to find subtle happiness in the bits and pieces of life.
01 Husband and wife: it is often abandoned, not abandoned
In the movie "Late Spring", there is a line that says:
"Marriage may not mean happiness at first, expecting sudden happiness is a wrong idea, happiness needs to wait, you need to create." 」
It is love that maintains a romantic relationship, and it is responsibility that maintains a marital relationship.
In ordinary days, husband and wife are often disliked, but they do not abandon.
In the hit drama "Our Marriage", the marriage of Shen Huixing and Sheng Jiangchuan is very impressive.
After the two got married, Shen Huixing used 6 years to change from a financial high-achieving student to an all-round mother.
With such a capable wife, Moriekawa was happy to be at ease, focusing on his career and never asking about family affairs.
This marriage seems to have a clear division of labor, but the equality between men and women that was once said to be good, in the face of the huge income gap, is just a joke.
Sheng Jiangchuan does not recognize Shen Huixing's family value, and Shen Huixing feels that Sheng Jiangchuan is evading responsibility.
Stumbling and fighting, the two not only separated, but also allowed the two to reach a "Cold War agreement": the wife decided to go out to work, and the husband took three days a week to take the children.
In this way, the two also substitute into each other's roles, one to experience the hardships of carrying a baby, and the other to experience the cruelty of the workplace.
Although this little thing made the two people very unhappy, when they encountered an accident, their deep affection for each other was fully revealed.
It happened that in the process of Shengjiang Chuan taking the child to the farm to play, Shen Huixing came to pick up the child to go home, and happened to encounter a fire, and the three people were trapped in the second floor of the homestay by the fire.
In his anxiety, Sheng Jiangchuan's first thought was not himself, but his children and wife.
He calmly blocked the door slit with a wet quilt, then tied the sheets and covers together, and tied Shen Comet and Sugar Sugar down first, and finally he was himself.
After being rescued, the two were reconciled as ever.
Falling in love is easy to get along with, there is no perfect marriage, and there is no perfect lover.
As Wenger Jolly put it:
"In this world, even the happiest marriage will have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 urges to strangle each other in their lifetime."
It's a paragraph, but it's also very true.
In trivial and ordinary days, love becomes affection, and care becomes responsibility.
Although the enthusiasm of the original vigorous is less, it is accompanied by more fine water and long streams.
Qualified couples, not without quarrels, the years are quiet, but even if they hate each other, they do not abandon each other.
02 home: is less reasonable, do not lose feelings
What is home?
Bai Juyi described it this way in "Planting Peach and Apricot": "Whether it is the cape or the end of the world, peace of mind is home. ”
Writer Long Yingtai said: "As a child who is cared for, the place where the parents are is home. ”
Everyone's definition of home is different.
Whatever the answer, the common denominator of the family is that it is both a burden and a responsibility.
In the affairs of the family, less reasoning, in order not to lose feelings.
Good friend Xiao Meng, married for two years.
The other day, a group of little sisters gathered, after three rounds of drinking, a friend jokingly asked her: "When do you want children?" Don't stay up to be an elderly mother. ”
After Xiao Meng listened, he put down the wine glass, did not control his emotions, and cried out.
Everyone was stunned for a while, and waited until Xiaomeng calmed down before learning from her mouth that she was divorced.
How did two people who once loved each other divorce?
While drinking, Xiao Meng accused the other party of "strong words" at home.
Together, the two often quarrel over trivial matters, from chai rice oil and salt to finance and economy.
Every time he cooks, his husband not only does not help when he stands next to him, but also "points out" xiaomeng to do what he says.
Xiao Meng said that he would not cook, so don't add to the chaos, but her husband told a lot of truths to prove that his cooking order was nutritious.
But in fact, the dish he makes is "dark cuisine".
Such a "good teacher" behavior, the husband does not argue with reason once or twice.
Before the husband's friend came to borrow money, the opening was twenty thousand, Xiaomeng resolutely refused, indicating that the other party had not repaid the 10,000 that he owed before, and this friend was unreliable.
The husband said to Xiao Meng: "My friend is an investment, as long as he earns, the money lent out is returned with profits, how can I miss it?" ”
The other party continued to talk about reasoning, and Xiaomeng could only remain silent, because she knew that every time her husband preached reasoning, no one could win him.
It is easy to borrow money, and every time you pay it back, you will not have the following.
Such things add up to make Xiao Meng very tired.
Such a home feels like a shared house.
Therefore, the marriage ended in divorce.
Home is not a place of reason, but a place of love, husband and wife, is home.
The husband hurts the wife, the home is warm; the wife understands the husband, the home is sweet.
Just like 100 years ago, Mr. Wang Fengyi left four words to the world:
"Husbands and wives are unreasonable, and reasoning is angry with you; husbands and wives should be affectionate and hurt each other."
Less reasoning in the family can not win the reason, lose the feelings.
03 Happiness: It is to reduce what is desired and cherish all
Lin Yutang once described his happiness like this:
"One is to sleep in your own bed, the second is to eat the meals made by your parents, the third is to listen to your lover to talk to you, and the fourth is to play games with your children."
Life is like this, happiness is in the small pieces of life overnight, where the dust comes and goes, only ordinary.
Only by reducing desires can we keep the happiness of the moment.
Netizen Mu Xuan works at an Internet company in Shenzhen and applies for overtime every day in order to make money.
Later, in the face of the epidemic, the work was changed to home to be completed, and the children were online classes at home, so that the family had time to get together.
At first, Mu Xuan tutored the children to do their homework, and said with some surprise: "Son, you are in junior high school, I always thought that you had not yet graduated from elementary school!" ”
The child looked up at Mu Xuan and asked with some regret, "Daddy, can you care more about me?" ”
In the face of the child's questioning, Mu Xuan blamed himself a little.
After coming to Shenzhen for more than ten years, he has been busy with work, so that he missed the growth of his children, which made him feel some regrets.
Therefore, during the stay at home, Mu Xuan took the initiative to take the responsibility of accompanying the children, and for the housework such as cooking and washing dishes, it was also covered by himself.
In the past, there was a lack of warm family atmosphere, and there was gradually fireworks.
This period of working from home makes Mu Xuan deeply feel that the happiness of being with his family is more important than making money.
Therefore, after resuming work, Muxuan took the initiative to reduce the frequency of overtime and leave more time for his family.
For this transformation, Mu Xuan said contentedly: "Money can buy materials, but it can't buy happiness!" ”
Yes, true happiness is to live your life into poetry, not to put your life in gold.
There is a saying that goes: "Happiness is not about getting everything you want, but about enjoying everything you have." ”
The stronger the sense of happiness, the more they know how to cherish.
Even on the day of chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, you will live like a qinqi calligraphy and painting poetry hops.
As long as you reduce what you want, even the pots and pans in your hand can collide with the beautiful poetry.
Cherishing what is in the present is happiness on earth.
04
There is a sentence in The Big Bang Theory:
"Not everyone can achieve fame, and some of us are destined to find meaning in the moments of daily life."
It is true that most of people's happiness and security come from small daily things, but we turn a blind eye to it and suffer from gain and loss.
With love to tolerate each other's shortcomings, marriage can be happy because of each other's maturity;
Replace hurtful disputes with jean, and love will not disappear with the passage of time;
By pursuing bland happiness, the relationship will not be weakened by the triviality of life.
Unswerving is the husband and wife, knowing and reticent to settle down, mutual thoughtfulness is happiness.
Joining hands with tens of millions of people is fate, building a family together, and happiness.
For the rest of your life, may you have light in your eyes and love in your heart, and live your life like joy.