A good family relationship is not to put the burden on the mother, but everyone can achieve each other, and can feel love and happiness from family life.
Author:Domi (Author of Fushu)
A few days ago, Shen Comet, played by Bai Baihe in "Our Marriage", and Sheng Jiangchuan, played by Tong Dawei, quarreled because of the problem of taking children.
Shen Yanxing is a high-achieving student at a top university, and after marriage, she chose to marry and teach her children, and spent all her energy on running the family.
Her husband Sheng Jiangchuan worked hard in the workplace, the work was extremely busy, and there was no time to accompany his wife and daughter, so the family responsibilities all fell on Shen Yanxing.
As her daughter grew older, Shen felt that the time was ripe and decided to return to the workplace.
She wanted Sheng Jiangchuan to take on more family responsibilities, so the couple began to take turns to pick up their children from school.
However, because Sheng Jiangchuan failed to pick up his daughter on time, her daughter was kidnapped.
After Shen Yanxing knew, the two people quarreled.
Sheng Jiangchuan not only did not reflect on himself, but also blamed his wife for going out to work, blamed her for not taking care of the family, and said with a straight face that he had not taken a day's child, completely shirking his responsibility.
Other words
In the 6 years of Shen's marriage, he almost took the children and did housework by himself.
Sheng Jiangchuan wanted Shen To continue to take the child indefinitely, and in the end the two even quarreled to the point of divorce.
The well-known American writer Joan Anderson once wrote a book called "Good Woman, Go Home", advocating that as a mother, you must have your own small vacation, even if it is only a small moment, you also need to suspend work and housework, and really leave some time for yourself.
After watching "Our Marriage", I deeply realized:
A happy family, mom must have a "holiday".
Mothers without holidays can't raise happy children
Full-time mothers should all have a deep understanding that the "labor intensity" of a person with a baby is really large, and they often have to rotate 24 hours a day.
Sometimes even the mouth is hot to eat, squatting on the toilet has to hold the baby, the child has a headache brain fever, it is anxious to catch fire, anxiety, insomnia, hair loss...
A few days ago, my girlfriend complained to me:
"I've been out of nowhere lately, I'm annoyed to see my son, I don't want to play with him at all... Although I loved him very much, I really wanted to escape the life of being a mother. ”
I also read a hot post titled "Has anyone regretted having a child" on Zhihu, and the message at the bottom stunned me.
It can be seen that because of the pressure and anxiety of life, and there is no holiday, it is easy to appear emotionally
"Maternal anger".
This kind of indifferent and bored mood of mothers to their children will certainly affect their children silently, and the mothers will not be happy, and the children they raise will certainly be unhappy.
The other day, a friend told me about her "schedule" for Saturday.
Dad went to the company to work overtime, she got up early in the morning to cook for the child, when she saw hair in the dish when feeding, she suddenly threw up, making the child and her body are vomit.
So immediately give the child a bath, change clothes, settle the child, and then clean yourself, this is the time to take a nap hungry time, coax the baby to sleep.
The child goes to sleep, and the mother then washes the dishes, hangs the clothes, feeds the child in the afternoon, and takes the child out to play.
Finally it was nine o'clock in the evening, and I could finally rest well.
The child wet the bed.
Friends said that the mood at that moment was like the labor of ancient times, surviving to freedom, and being called back to continue "service" helplessly.
She was in a mood of emotion, picked up the child and began to shout, frightening the child to cry.
Afterwards, the child did not sleep well for several days, did not eat well, and was afraid of provoking her to be angry, and it was very painful to look at.
Friends also regretted it afterwards, saying that they were too tired, so they couldn't help but erupt, but after venting, they knew that their emotions were affecting themselves and deeply affecting their children.
As a full-time mother, the triviality of daily life is enough to make her tired, if the child is no longer obedient, plus the father does not know how to give the mother a holiday, the mother's emotions are naturally "one point".
The mother has no way out, no exit, and will naturally bring bad emotions to the child.
A mother who is always spinning and has no holidays will certainly not be able to raise a happy child.
Those mothers who rotate in a row are because there is no one behind them
The first identity of a stay-at-home mother is that of a person, and the second identity is that of a mother.
Every full-time mother who rotates in a row, if it were not for the emptiness behind her, how could she be willing to fight alone!
There is a full-time mother on the Internet, because she stayed at home for too long, so she wanted to go out to play during the National Day holiday and relax her mood, but because of this matter, she fell out with the family.
She said that she had been married to her husband for six or seven years, and after marriage, she concentrated on being a full-time mother, and she pulled up two children alone.
Seeing that the National Day is coming, I want my mother-in-law to help take the child for a few days, and go out to relax for a few days, but my husband and mother-in-law take turns to diss:
"I can't stop my heart when I'm a mother!"
In this regard, netizens said:
"You're not as good as a nanny, who still has her own time and vacation!"
Some netizens pointed out pointedly: "Your mother-in-law is not wrong, it is completely your husband's fault!" The mother-in-law is not obliged to help with the child, but is your husband not the father of the child? Why can't he bring children? ”
The mother replied helplessly: "He can't even cook!" ”
However, no one is born to cook, including mothers, who also grope and learn on their own on weekdays.
Similarly, no one is born to be a parent, and they all learn with their children on weekdays.
It's just that some people are willing to do it, and some people are willing to hide in the cycle of "I won't do it, so I don't do it; I don't do it, so I won't do it", and end up idle.
The more people who have never done it, the lighter their mouths are, the more they think very simply in their hearts, and they can't understand their mother's hardships at all.
If this dad can give mom a chance to take a holiday and give mom time and space to relax, then mom will definitely have a better mood and emotions to take home when she comes back, and the family atmosphere will be more harmonious.
But even if it is such a little request, my father can't meet it, and he still accuses my mother from the perspective of my mother-in-law, I really can't imagine how helpless and helpless my mother is in her heart!
Also a stay-at-home mom, my friends are luckier compared to that.
A friend took the child to the half-year-old one day, taking advantage of the husband's absence, and proposed: "I want to go out and play." ”
Her husband was not happy at first, saying: "I went to work five days, I wanted to take a break on the weekend, and you let me take the children..."
Friend pitiful: "Really can't do it for half a day?" If you don't let me go out, I'm going to be depressed after childbirth. ”
Probably thinking of the tragic postpartum depression in the news, the husband finally nodded in agreement.
However, friends do not dare to run far, just take a walk in the nearby park, and drink afternoon tea with girlfriends.
When I came home in the evening, my husband was exhausted.
The husband was frantic: "Oh my God, I'm so tired with the kids!" ”
He said, "I decided I can't give you half a day off every week!" --I have to give you a day off! ”
Since then, my friend's husband has set aside a day every week to take the children and give his wife a day off.
Friends are in a much better mood, the family is happy, and they often go out to play, and even quarrels are much less.
In "The First Half of My Life", there is such a sentence: Life is not easy, you need to find someone to help each other.
As a mother, I definitely want to have a person in the same boat!
If it weren't for the fact that there was no one behind it, how could they live a life of chicken feathers, even with their children being wronged?
A good father "has life in his eyes" and knows how to give his mother a holiday
Nowadays, moms are so tired.
As the hostess of the family, you have to take care of the children and clean up the housework.
And how difficult it is to have a "job" that is open all year round and never leave work, I am afraid that it is difficult for people who have never been a mother to know.
But mothers are also human beings, they will be tired, they will be tired, they will be anxious, they will be sad, they will want to find a place, and they will be alone for a while.
Therefore, fathers must "have life in their eyes" so that there is a gap to give their mothers a "holiday".
1, a good father should take on the "father's office"
Psychologist Gerdy says:
"Fathers are a unique being and have a special power in nurturing children."
But in fact, many families are now widowed parenting.
Therefore, as a father, we must take the initiative to enter the education of our children, play with our children, and establish the image of a father.
Just like a treasure dad on Douyin, he takes his children to make small animals with various fruits and vegetables every day.
Not only to cultivate children's hands-on ability, but also to establish the image of fathers.
Fathers are lifelong professions, and it is the important duty of fathers to participate in the upbringing and growth of children.
2, do diligent sharing, there is work in the eyes
Rather than my mother urging my father to work, I think what my father should learn is "there is work in my eyes".
I once watched a video, "I Never Help My Wife."
A man, chatting with friends over coffee at home. Suddenly, the man got up and said he was going to wash the dishes. His friend looked at him as if he were going to build a rocket.
The friend sighed, "I admire that you will help your wife." I don't help our family much now, and every time I do, she won't thank me.
Last week, I mopped the floor, and she didn't even say a word of thanks. ”
The man explained that he never helped his wife.
"I'm not going to help my wife clean the house, I live here too, I need to clean it up."
"I don't help my wife take care of the children, because they are also my children, and I am a father."
Doing housework is not a woman's vocation, and mothers prefer that fathers do not turn a blind eye to the housework at home, but take the initiative to assume the family responsibilities they should have.
Ms. Hong Lan, a doctor of psychology, said:
"From the perspective of human evolution, the mother is the soul of the family, the mother is happy and the whole family is happy, and the mother is anxious and the whole family is anxious."
Therefore, the mother's emotions affect the whole family.
Stay-at-home mothers, people with children for a long time, the nerves are too tight, and they have been in a state of high pressure, high intensity, and high anxiety, which is a danger in itself.
Fathers with hearts will be distressed about the difficulty of their wives, and will take over the burden of taking care of and educating their children appropriately, so that the mother can breathe a little, recharge and then resurrect with blood.
May every mother have a considerate husband and have the most beautiful "vacation".