Looking at the independent women in domestic dramas, inflation year after year.
Her sister found that even the men who formed cp with them evolved along with them.
Straight male cancer with significant symptoms is outdated cannon fodder.
Now popular
Highly educated, no bad habits, open-minded
The urban male protagonist.
Recently in "Our Marriage", Tong Dawei played Sheng Jiangchuan, such a high-quality man.
Graduated from a famous school, successful career, clear-headed, able to send flowers to feed, but also know that the distressed wife does hard work.
Capable and caring, good man of the new era.
However, her sister is angry with this "good man" at least three times a season on average.
Can't fault a big deal, but it can be annoying every minute.
From the perspective of outsiders, I have to boast that "this man is romantic and considerate, which is really good."
Netizens also boasted: he is good enough.
So
What's wrong?
I looked around and found that under the label of the so-called "good man", there was hypocrisy everywhere.
It's time to debunk the disguise of these hypocritical good men.
Selfish without self-knowledge
Hypocritical good men, first of all, can pretend.
Sheng Jiang Chuan is one of the leaders.
Wife Shen Comet
(Played by Bai Lily)
Graduated from a prestigious school, worked as a full-time mother at home with her children for six years, and was busy day by day without touching the ground.
Seeing the house and buying a house, decorating and moving, she did it single-handedly, and almost became a contractor.
The good man Sheng Jiangchuan, just in the workplace, returned home drunk and lay flat, childcare and all the housework has nothing to do with him.
Because he has a trick to coax his wife to make cattle and horses, the specific three steps:
First, see her efforts.
Shout every day
"My wife worked hard"
。
Then there was the appeasement of her exhaustion, and the commitment was made at every turn
"Don't worry, wait until I'm free to help you"
Finally, wear a top hat. Boast that "we rely on you inside and out of this family" to put her value in the sky.
But the damn thing is that he has always taken the initiative in his mouth, and his hands are never empty.
Although his wife was busy flying in front of her eyes, he never took the handle, crossed Erlang's legs, and moved his mouth to be considered "spiritual participation".
He could put down his posture, sell it well, and cultivate a set of stunt skills so purely that Shen Yanxing couldn't get out of his temper.
After all, he seems to be a reasonable person, so let's be lazy.
But once accidentally vomited the truth after drinking, this good man who thought of his wife in everything, the human set collapsed:
"Your husband is a living good man guide, all by his own strength, with the whole family to achieve consumption upgrades, is not strong?"
You see, when you are sober, you say, "This home depends on you."
When I was drunk, I didn't hold my heart, "It's all up to this good man."
On the surface, he thought about his wife's hard work, but in fact, these efforts were not worth mentioning in his heart.
It looks gentle, and behind the scenes, it is hypocritical.
Shen Yanxing once asked him, "If I had gone out to work and you had stayed at home with your children, would you have been willing?" ”
He immediately said "yes" and then added "but I'm sure I didn't do as well as you."
Taking retreat as an advance and using sugar-coated shells to shirk responsibility is the usual trick of a hypocritical good man like him.
When he heard that Shen Yanxing decided to abandon his family and return to the workplace, Sheng Jiangchuan could not fit in at all.
This face-tearing quarrel, every word, exposed his chicken thief, and every jump could not hide his selfishness.
The wife wants to go out to work, and he first makes a position, "I am not against you going to work."
But the point is always on the turning point behind, the "who cares, who cares for the children?" “
I didn't think that I was able-bodied, and it was the responsibility of my wife to default to the housekeeper to take the children, and as soon as she went to work, the family had to mess around.
If she doesn't listen and has to go out to work, then do a little more leisure work, don't have to work overtime, and take the children with you.
Don't forget to dissuade her with heartache: "Why do you have to be so tired?" ”
But is it "by the way" to bring up children? Of course not, he had the same mind as Spiegel.
But Shen Yanxing did not enter the oil and salt, determined to go to work, Sheng Jiangchuan immediately accused her of picking the "timing" is not right.
The words also smell of PUA:
"Now is my critical period, why can't you support me anymore and let me fight for my career without any worries?"
In his eyes, dual-career families should be divided into priorities, and it is wise for wives to spare no effort to support their less successful husbands.
She shouldn't upset the balance of the "harmony" she has now.
This natural selfishness was punctured by Shen Yanxing for a second, and he had a new explanation:
"How can this be called selfishness? This is a division of labor. ”
From beginning to end, he didn't realize his cruelty.
If someone in the family must take a step back and sacrifice, this person must not be himself.
He rightfully put housework and child-rearing,
all as wives' responsibilities,
She should be a stable rear and help him realize himself in his career.
He couldn't hear his wife's complaints or see that she also had the same need for self-actualization.
Even outsiders can hardly say that he is a bad husband, and praise him as a good man who is self-motivated and capable.
After all, as long as the wife obediently works as a full-time housewife at home, the harmony on the surface of the family will not be torn apart.
But within such a family, do men who emerge as vested interests really not realize that this harmony is based on the sacrifice of his wife?
not necessarily.
Selfish, self-aware
Her sister thought of another example of a good man, "Kim Ji-young, Born in 82", Kim Ji-young's husband, Jeong Tae-hyun.
In addition to being sensible and hurting his wife, his temper was a hundred times better than shengjiangchuan.
Zhiying works as a stay-at-home mother at home, depressed after childbirth, and in a trance.
He was the first to notice that something was wrong with her and persuaded her to see a psychiatrist.
The usual hugs, care, and persuasion are just as many.
He will even take the initiative to go home from work early, "help" bathe the child, and also take the initiative to apply for parental leave to support Kim Ji-young to return to the workplace.
Zheng Daixian's "good", in the old script of the past, is obvious under the background of men.
Some netizens also summed up that he cheated during infertility, did not commit domestic violence, did not dislike his wife and did not give birth to a son, and was willing to share the responsibility of childcare.
Doing this is already a good husband out of a hundred.
I couldn't tell for a moment whether Kong You's acting skills were too good or our standards for good men were too low.
If he is really a good man, why would Jin Zhiying fall into a kind of "nameless pain" that seems to have a choice but does not actually have to choose?
The marriage of the two people, she lived into a slowly sinking island.
If you look closely, you can find that Zheng Daixian's "good" is no different from ShengJiangchuan's mouth cannon.
Care is always on the surface, but effective help is rare.
Late at night, after Jin Zhiying was still busy, he looked in his eyes, said hard work on his mouth, and then leisurely on the side, potato chips with beer.
When he learned that Jin Zhiying was going to go out to work, his first reaction was the same as that of Sheng Jiangchuan:
Start by asking, "What about that child?" ”
Then use tenderness to persuade back, "I don't want you to work too hard."
Before having a child, he vowed to make milk powder, change diapers, and help take care of the child's growth.
But when the child is born, it naturally becomes the responsibility of the wife, and as a father, he can be a bystander of widowed parenting.
After ten thousand times of psychological construction to apply for parental leave, after the mother's angry "you have a great future", there is no following.
He is more gentle and thoughtful than many husbands, but he is still reluctant to work hard.
"Hard work" said a thousand times, but it is rare to move the hand once, Jin Zhiying is not without complaints.
"Thank you for remembering my hard work", the implication is not "knowing my hard work, don't just say beautiful things".
And the so-called "hard work" in his mouth is also Schrödinger's "hard work".
At the beginning, it was said that taking the child was at rest, not much hard work.
But when she was going to work, he said that for her own good, don't go out and run, "You've worked hard with your children."
Jin Zhiying finally couldn't bear it anymore and poked him out, "Don't say it's good for me, I don't believe it at all."
He was speechless and could only prevaricate, "You're sick."
Didn't he understand what Kim Ji-young sacrificed and what he accomplished?
Of course he understood.
They have the same higher education and have all entered the workforce.
Because of marriage, because of children, only the wife's ego is obscured, freedom is eroded, income is lost, and there is no end to the trivial labor.
However, after becoming a husband and father, his life was the same as before, and even more comfortable under the control of his wife.
He knew that it was he who prevented his wife from doing what she wanted to do.
But it's one thing to know, it's another thing to enjoy the benefits.
He didn't have to do anything, and by saying something beautiful about his concern, he could offset his responsibility as a father, and he would rightfully want his wife to sacrifice, and watch her step by step to the edge of the cliff.
One set on the mouth, one set in the heart.
He was selfish, hypocritical, and self-aware.
But the reality is that just such a man is already much better than most husbands.
It is also his "good" that makes Jin Zhiying and us in front of the screen can't help but rise the same kind of powerlessness and sadness:
Why is it that just by doing the basics, men are already good men in the eyes of outsiders?
Why is this insignificant goodness so that the wife can be satisfied and grateful?
Why is it that women's pain is passed down from generation to generation, but men can always easily stay out of it?
This is really, absurd and sad.
Who is making a hypocritical good man?
Sheng Jiangchuan and Zheng Daixian, from different countries, have amazing commonalities.
They have only achieved the basics of a husband and father, but they have been regarded as a good man who chooses one out of a hundred.
Their "falsehood" makes people sigh.
Their "chicken thieves", someone pays for it.
Who is driving up the market price of hypocritical good men?
Looking at it, it turned out that this was a multi-party conspiracy.
Just look at Zheng Daixian.
Knowing that Jin Zhiying is tired of parenting, he wants to return to the workplace to get out of trouble.
But he never wanted to go home and share the family responsibilities and ease his wife's burden, but instead asked her to see a psychologist.
They are selfish and sober, holding their ground.
If the wife is faced with family and self conflict, the best solution is to let her stand on her own without harming his interests.
Few people will take a step back and give up their own interests to fulfill their wives.
The gentleness and cruelty of the film's ending also confirm a kind of idealism after women take the initiative to give in.
In the end, Kim Chi-young can take care of the children and work from home.
It may seem like the best of both worlds, but in reality?
Women face a new double oppression.
As Dai Jinhua said: "Modern women pick up two full-time jobs and have nowhere to say." ”
Take on full-time jobs in society and compete with men.
There is still another full-time job within the family – a housewife.
The man in the family, has not undergone any education, transformation, rewriting, he is still the "oil bottle poured do not help a bit" role.
You see, from start to finish, hypocritical good men just say nice things, but actually lose nothing.
Chizuru Ueno pointedly points out in Feminism from Scratch:
"Behind the husband is the vested interest of the patriarchal society."
From this dimension, hypocritical good men are essentially no different from men under the old script.
Vested interests are men immersed in a patriarchal society, and it is difficult to jump out of the identity.
Of course, the false good man who is exposed here is not intended to blame some individual male.
Her sister knows very well that this is the thinking inertia of men who are accustomed to being in a dominant position in the patriarchal society, and it is also caused by the egoistic nature in human nature.
Even the women in it have difficulty seeing through the traps.
The noble family mission, which only kidnaps the mother's office, has nothing to do with men.
Wives silently do the housework that is taken for granted, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, and going out to work.
When men perform some extra duties as husbands and fathers, that is, they are considerate and save the galaxy in their previous lives.
In this way, hypocritical good men, once they show a little good, can be coaxed up again and again.
Men grasp vested interests and do not let go, and women obey men's interests without knowing it, setting up the skeleton of hypocritical good men.
And what ultimately achieves hypocrisy in the flesh and blood of good men is a social atmosphere - the default standard of good men.
The standard of a good man is too low and too broad.
He works steadily and makes money.
He is emotionally exclusive and does not cheat.
He has an honest personality and is not abusive.
The standard went down again and again, and even began to suck in the garbage heap.
At that time, "Thirty Only" was a hit, and even Chen Yu, who was intoxicated with fish farming and good at cold violence, was already an absolutely good man.
Netizen: If he is a scumbag, then there is no good man in reality.
The family's expectations of men are too low, and even that little hypocrisy has become a great virtue.
In contrast, to be a good woman, a good wife, and a good mother, the standard can be infinitely high.
Shen Comet accurately complained:
I wish I had just given birth to a child, so I let me practice the vest line;
Can carry children alone, but also self-improvement;
While cooking a good dish, have a job that does not delay making money;
As you get older, people get more and more beautiful.
From appearance to knowledge, from material to spiritual, it is always iterative and upgrading.
It's a quality female road with no end in sight.
The pull between personal value and motherhood and wifehood never stops.
But it will always be only women, in such a whirlpool.
It is said that a good husband and wife should be in the same breath, but the result is that the same person has different lives.
There are always attempts to justify the dedication within a woman's family, such as the fact that even if she goes out to work, she is not paid as much as her husband.
How to weigh, it is more cost-effective to combine "men fight for careers outside, women stabilize families inside".
This is increasing evidence that structural oppression with male interests tilted in its favor is either constantly driving women home.
Either let women
In the situation of family society shoulder to shoulder, it is caught in a new kind of "nameless pain" and tries to use a sentence
The fluttering "hard work" offsets.
But whether inside or outside the family, the suffering of women is far from being offset by a word of "hard work".
So, wake up.
Stop coaxing the hypocritical good men on their lips.
Someone might say —
"I know all this you're saying, but'
He has a job, she doesn't have a job; he's paid well, and she can't get a high salary even if she goes out to work', and that's not the responsibility of a man. ”
Yes, as mentioned earlier, the husband has vested interests behind the entire patriarchal society.
So, of course, to change, you can't just expect an individual to change.
However, there will be no change if there is no change as a family unit.
Feminism from Scratch argues that within every family, requiring men to participate in housework and child-rearing is the first step in defeating the patriarchal society between husband and wife.
Therefore, the superficial concern of hypocritical good men is far from enough.
They want to turn beautiful words into action,
Gotta do it,
To share, to take that step.
When there are more men with such enlightenment;
When we can measure good men by the standards of good women, good husbands by the standards of good wives, and good fathers by the standards of good mothers.
The path of hypocrisy and good men is the end.
Stop coaxing up the "hypocritical good man" quotes.
Being a "good man" shouldn't just be a matter of moving your lips.