When the child's score becomes the KPI of the stay-at-home mother, a tragedy is playing out ...

In a variety show, the host said such a set of data: the ratio of male to female students in law school is 3:7, but the proportion of male partners in law firms is much higher than that of female partners.

This is a very real phenomenon, men's career promotion is basically unhindered, but women are difficult. Both in traditional and practical terms, people expect women to contribute to their families more than men.

High expectations have a certain rationality, leaving aside social and historical reasons, the physiological characteristics of women determine this. After all, pregnant and childbearing, only women can be breastfed, which also makes the proportion of full-time mothers much higher than that of full-time fathers.

The guests discussed whether they could accept full-time care for their children, and the guests generally believed that being at home full-time would be disconnected from society and that there was no common language with the other half. The concerns of the guests are also the embodiment of social concepts.

01

Stay-at-home moms don't get the respect they deserve for their families

I often see a comparison between stay-at-home mothers and working mothers on the Internet, and the more I see is actually a war of words, mostly in general.

The situation is different for every family. Some family logistics support is in place, children's food, clothing, housing, education and training are managed, and parents can naturally devote themselves to the workplace.

But for one reason or another, couples have to have a full-time home to take care of the children, and it is usually the mother who makes this "sacrifice".

In the South Korean bestseller "Kim Ji-young in '82", Kim Ji-young became a stay-at-home mother after becoming pregnant.

Like many stay-at-home moms, she is busy taking care of her daughter and the family. Her husband's performance is better than most of her fathers, and her husband understands her and will "help her" take care of the children after work, but Kim Ji-young is still sick.

She thinks that her husband's saying "help" her with her children is so harsh, the children are two people, why say help?

She went to buy coffee and heard the little young man say that she was a "mother bug", and she almost broke down. Every time she goes to her mother-in-law's house, her mother-in-law will let her sister-in-law rest and let her prepare the complicated food needed for family dinner, which the mother-in-law feels is the duty of the daughter-in-law.

In the end, Jin Zhiying's mental state has a problem, and she imitates different people to say the words that are backlogged in her heart, which is Jin Zhiying's struggle, but it seems so pale and powerless.

Stay-at-home moms pay for the family but don't get the respect they deserve. Doing ten thousand things, can not get rid of the "shame" of "not being able to go to work to make money". The change of social concepts will take a long time, but will full-time mothers have to "hold back" all the time?

02

Voluntary or sacrificial?

The same thing, with different purposes, will get different results.

When talking about the topic of full-time mothers and full-time fathers, Yang Tianzhen said a paragraph that made me agree with it.

She said, "The sense of sacrifice is a particularly terrible thing, and doing something voluntarily and doing something with a sense of sacrifice turns out to be completely different." ”

For women, giving up their careers and returning to their families can be seen as a sacrifice.

Sacrificing one's career, the whole family of men, women and children have a solid rear, and they themselves, from the stability of 996 to super 007, 24 hours on standby but not respected work.

But if you take all this as a sacrifice, you will unconsciously think of yourself as a victim, pay so much, but get so little, and life will get worse and worse.

In the Beijing Satellite TV "Teacher Please Answer" program, there is a full-time mother who graduated from Chinese opera, which impressed me. She participated in the show because the relationship with her 9-year-old daughter reached a freezing point, and the child almost jumped off the building when writing homework.

When it comes to work, the mom broke down. She cried and said that she also had a dream when she was in the middle of the exam, but she was at home full-time in the second year of college. She dedicates her youth to her children and to her family. When you are old, think about it, there is no job in this life, and I only have children.

The mother's emotional breakdown and problems with homeschooling are inseparable from the dedication and sacrifice she has always emphasized.

As Yang Tianzhen said, volunteering to do something and doing something with a sense of sacrifice, the results are completely different.

From another point of view, full-time mothers give up their careers is a sacrifice, so is it also a sacrifice for dads who carry the burden of the family alone?

Each family member should see each other's efforts and understand each other's difficulties, rather than thinking only of their own sacrifices but turning a blind eye to each other's efforts.

Think of so-called "self-sacrifice" as a choice for the betterment of the family, and don't see yourself as a victim, and life will be different.

03

Self-affirmation and self-acceptance to truly realize the value of stay-at-home moms

Seeing a full-time mother proudly send a circle of friends, the child took the first place in the class and the first place in the whole grade, she was very pleased, not to take care of the child at home full-time.

To tell you the truth, when I saw such news, I was not happy for her at all, but I also pinched a handful of sweat for her children.

Is your child's grades a sign of the success of stay-at-home moms? The value of stay-at-home mothers depends on the success of their children to prove?

If you really judge in this way, you will be like the mother who graduated from the Chinese opera, when the child does not meet her expectations and does not do well enough, the full-time mother will fall into a collapse and completely deny her own value.

In addition, this kind of thinking will also bring great psychological pressure to the child, so that the child is full of guilt.

For me, my mother did not have a job, my mother took care of me wholeheartedly, but I could not pass the first place, and I could not satisfy my mother. Under such psychological pressure, what kind of behavior does the child make?

So the question is, without the simple and rough way of children's grades to prove the value of full-time mothers, how to reflect the value of full-time mothers?

The problem itself is only on the premise that stay-at-home mothers deny their own value. Why prove yourself? To counter the world's strange gaze? To show the world that I'm doing well and I'm proud of being full-time?

This doesn't need to be proven, I know I'm good, that's enough. Stay-at-home mothers accept themselves and affirm themselves in order to truly harvest inner peace.

Self-acceptance and self-affirmation, which sounds a bit like chicken soup, is particularly delicious.

Just like the workplace white, like Lin Daiyu into the Jia Mansion, cautious words and deeds, afraid of being laughed at.

After experiencing time and increasing experience, I became bold in saying and daring to do, no longer had to look at other people's faces everywhere, and began to have independent thoughts and independent propositions, all of which were attributed to their own affirmation.

What kind of stay-at-home mom will self-affirm and self-accept?

Voluntarily choose to be a full-time mother, rather than being forced to become a full-time mother with helplessness and full of tragedy. Only by volunteering to do something can you enjoy it and recognize your own value.

Maybe you will say, I just can't help it, there is no one in the family with children, I had to be a full-time mother.

But don't forget, you give up your job, but you can accompany your child to grow up, which is the happiness of your child and the happiness of being a mother. Even if forced, it is a choice made by oneself.

Whether it's a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, no matter what status you are, forget the sacrifice and embrace the choice.

When you voluntarily do something, you will have passion, you will enjoy the benefits of choice, and you will naturally be willing to bear the consequences of choice.