"Middle- and lower-class women don't deserve to be stay-at-home mothers!" When was the threshold for full-time mom so high?

I saw a rather interesting article titled "Middle and lower class women are actually lazy when they become housewives".

The article is not long, mainly saying that women in the middle and lower classes of society, the economic conditions at home are not good, should not choose to be full-time housewives, at home with children to do housework can never survive, must go out to work, while taking children. Especially if the child is already in kindergarten, the mother who goes to elementary school should go out to work, otherwise she is lazy.

The starting point of the article may be to persuade those mothers with poor family conditions to have milk bread before thinking about the spiritual world, otherwise you stay at home and live a life with your palms up, not only will you not get any respect, but the companionship you give to your children will not have any meaning. Even if the child is well cared for, he may still complain about his mother in the future when his life is embarrassing.

I agree with the author's point of view, just like Paula said to him in the episode of the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", when Donglong ran away from home in anger because his mother did not make him kelp soup for his birthday.

Paula said that what matters at their age is not the kindness of their parents, but the fact that their parents are rich. It can be seen that money is indeed very important for the growth of children.

What happened to my moms who said it would take three years for a child of thirty? In this article, I also personally experienced the absurdity of "three years for thirty years", and I hope that mothers can return to the workplace as soon as possible.

But such an obvious truth, the article should step heavily on the keywords of "middle and lower class women", "housewives", "lazy", these keywords, it is very annoying. It invisibly labels all stay-at-home mothers as "lazy". Just like the consistent discrimination of race in Western countries, thinking that people of color are inferior to whites is inherently lazy and stupid, and now everyone knows that this is not the case.

Sure enough, the comments at the bottom of the article are more wonderful than the article itself, and those who disagree have automatically stood in line and quarreled.

I looked at it, and the few articles with the most likes were all opposed, and there were also those who were on the side of the author.

The quarrel eventually rose to the point that the antagonistic situation of "poor people don't deserve to have children" and "don't marry poor men" hit a bit widely.

I roughly flipped through this public account, which should be the so-called marketing account, first find some controversial topics to stir up the heat, and then monetize through traffic and fans after the popularity goes up. This article is the most read of their recent publications.

In fact, I wrote about a similar topic in 2017 - I surveyed 100 groups of families and found that mothers who can not only go to work to earn money, but also do not need the help of the elderly to take care of their children, do not exist at all!

At that time, this article was also a hit, and it was reprinted by many public accounts. I wrote this article because I felt particularly frustrated.

At that time, I was at work, and Xiao Wang was still in kindergarten. I take him to school every morning, but I don't leave work until 6:30 in the afternoon, which means that my parents need to help pick up Xiao Wang and cook for him.

My mother has always felt that it is not her job to help her daughter with her children, so it is equivalent to I owe her a great favor. Any time she calls, I have to rush back immediately to "pay off the debt." Colleagues said that I felt like I had disappeared into a sea of people after work.

If my family is just a child, it may be okay, but I also have a younger brother, and my parents feel that my brother has been ignored because of the arrival of Xiao Wang.

So after some struggle, I quit my job and came back to be a stay-at-home mom. But being a full-time mother doesn't mean not making money, and when I need to work to earn money, I occasionally entrust Xiao Wang to my mother. So my dad found it very difficult to understand, and he asked me, "You are such a big person, and you don't go to work, why can't you bring a child?" ”

Hearing this, I was really very aggrieved, was it really a waste that I couldn't even bring with my children? So, I especially want to know how other people's families raise children, which is why I have that article.

I investigated about 100 groups of families through chat and observation, and the result was that at the stage of 0-3 years old, if the elderly on both sides do not help, no mother can go to work and carry children at the same time. However, it should be clarified that the "going to work" here refers to the office workers who clock in at the unit from 8 to 6, not counting the part of freelancers or mothers who open their own companies and do business.

After learning about other people's patterns of bringing babies, I was relieved. Although it is not ruled out that there are some mothers with strong self-discipline, they can arrange their work and life in an orderly manner in the case of dragging on and dragging on. But I can't juggle work and children, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, it just shows that I'm a normal person.

Mothers who can do both, of course, deserve a thumbs up, but they can't take into account that is not simply a matter of ability, but also related to their own personality and environment. For example, before Xiao Wang, because of the nature of my work, I had many hats almost from the very beginning. At most, I went to work, wrote manuscripts, opened an online store, worked part-time as an editor-in-chief, and learned to speculate on funds with a little money.

After having Xiao Wang, I became a single-line creature, I could only do one thing at a time, even if I did very flexible work, I would still be unconsciously anxious when I encountered a time conflict with Xiao Wang, and in the end, it became a compromise with my child's time. What I realize now is that a person's life seems to be long, but in fact, as long as you can stick to one thing well, you are successful.

Going back to this article, it says to let moms in lower-middle-class families get money first. Who wouldn't want to make money? Especially the group of mothers, the group of people who are the most likely to meet sewing needles for money. Shooting videos, doing live broadcasts, selling box lunches, working as a cleaner, running a nursery class... But whenever there is a little time, responsible mothers will try their best to earn money to raise their children and support themselves.

As everyone said in the comments of the article, this society really requires too many mothers, not only requiring them to give their children high-quality companionship, but also requiring them to cook, wash and do housework, but also requiring them to take care of work and career, not to leave society... So the article arbitrarily says that they are "lazy", I really can't agree. "Poverty, poverty", and the word "poor" are often closely related to "poor". Mothers have the opportunity to fly as high as an eagle, but they are willing to become an old hen for their children to be stuck in place.

There is no doubt that this article has succeeded in offending stay-at-home moms en masse, but the most annoying thing about it is that it comes from a parenting well-known name, which is really excessive. Such a parenting number, either empathize with the mother and provide emotional value, or carry out parenting science popularization and provide solutions to problems, instead of simply and rudely attributing the difficulties in the mothers' lives to the excuse that they are "lazy", which is extremely irresponsible.

So when can the child get rid of the hands and give the mothers a little freedom?

Personal experience, if a girl is a girl, she can basically take care of herself by the fourth and fifth grade of primary school. Boys will be later, after sixth grade, or junior high school. For example, a few friends who work as intermediaries have children in junior high school and have more time in school to have time to run customers. Our neighbor also took the afternoon time to help at the rookie station in the community because his son was promoted to the first year of junior high school this year.

How to say, I am also a mother for more than ten years, and such "parenting articles" have long been unable to fool me. But it's hard to imagine that young new moms can't fall into infinite self-blame and self-doubt when they see such an article. So in the end, I want to tell all the mothers who can see this -

Raise children, come at your own pace, because only you know your children and yourself best, those experts, it doesn't matter what the marketing number says, they will not come to wipe your child's for you. Poverty is only temporary, even if you are a stay-at-home mother, don't give up on improving yourself. Children will grow up soon, and in addition to money, they need a positive, optimistic, emotionally stable mother.

Author: Chen Yan, has published "Real Education in the Family" from time to time to accompany you to share the bittersweet and bitter on the road to bringing a baby and in marriage life, welcome to leave a message and chat.