After becoming a mother, you can also learn to be "selfish", leave a little space for yourself, and give your husband and children more opportunities to grow up.
Author | Wheat Dear Daughter,
Recently, my mother watched a TV series "Our Marriage" played by Bai Baihe.
Maybe I saw too much of your shadow from her, and I burst into tears a few times.
Do you know? Shen Huixing, played by Bai Baihe, is as highly educated as you, and originally with her ability, she will be able to do something in the workplace, but for the sake of her children, she voluntarily chose to return to her family.
In 6 years of full-time time, she took care of her children, was considerate of her husband, worked hard and complained, and even moved alone;
6 years with a baby, let her from the university that was adored, sparkling sister, into a tired middle-aged woman.
She insisted on taking her daughter to primary school, thinking that she could find a job to realize her self-worth, but she did not expect to be reprimanded by her husband with a split face.
So she asked her husband with tears:
"You mean, I'll always be a stay-at-home mom, and I'll have to keep my daughter coming out of high school." What about my own life plan? ”
"Are you really afraid that I will be tired when you refuse me to go out to work, and are you afraid that no one will bring you children, wash clothes and cook?"
Seeing this scene, my mother's heart was full of mixed feelings.
Daughter, from childhood to adulthood, you have always been the pride of your mother, excellent in character and learning, independent and autonomous, and you have obtained enviable internship opportunities before graduating from college.
2 years after graduation, you, like Bai Lily, chose to become a stay-at-home mom.
To tell you the truth, in the years when you have been carrying your baby full-time, your mother has found that the brilliance that originally belonged to you is gradually fading.
Daughter, you have always said that in a family, there is always a person who has to sacrifice a little more.
To this end, you have also been going all out to be a good wife and mother.
But daughter do you know, many times the mother looks at you working day and night, and sincerely hopes that you can be "selfish".
Behind every "perfect" mom
It's all heartache that others can't see
Daughter, since giving birth to Sweetie, you have devoted yourself to parenting, which is a model.
Baby sleeps, you make up for all kinds of parenting lectures, learn parenting knowledge; baby wakes up, takes baby outdoor sunbathing, makes complementary food, busy early education, mom has not seen you sleep well in the past few years.
Because you firmly believe that breastfeeding is good for your child, the nipple is bitten, you still insist on breastfeeding; when you are sick, you dare not take medicine, you are afraid to starve the baby...
It is not easy to wait until weaning, you can add complementary food, and you are afraid of buying too many complementary food additives, and learn to do various tricks yourself.
Sweet daily life you are never ambiguous, sweet potential development you dare not slack.
Read picture books every day, listen to songs with your baby, do exercise with your baby, take your baby out to socialize, to be honest, my mother thinks that the early education teachers who go to audition are not as professional as you.
Sweet went to kindergarten, my mother thought you could relax, but during the day you have to do housework to cook, Sweet has to eat after school, and you have to take your children on the way to the interest class.
Write out your daily schedule with a baby, which is more intense than working in the world's top 500.
Once the child had a fever in the middle of the night, you yourself had a cold, a person forced to take the child to the hospital, busy before and after, until 4 a.m. did not close the eyes.
The child's father called to ask you about the situation, and you pretended to be strong and said that one person can handle it, so that he does not worry.
Then, hanging up the phone, a person secretly wiped away tears.
Daughter, sometimes the mother thinks that you can be strong, but don't be strong, swallow any pain into the stomach, and take all the work to yourself.
I remember the last time, the child's father blamed you for not looking at sweet, causing her head to sniff out a bag on the coffee table.
Mom wanted to say a few words for you, but she stopped you.
You always say that being a mother is your practice, paying for your child is what you should do, and if your child is not good, it is the responsibility of being a mother.
But in order to be a good mother, you have been wronged over the years, and your mother really sees it in her eyes and hurts in her heart.
Daughter, children are an important part of your life
But not all
People say that women are born to be mothers.
To be honest, since you gave birth to Sweet, people have matured all at once.
The little girl who used to be a little arrogant and occasionally rebellious was gone, and the child was the first everywhere.
But it is right for a daughter to love children and value children, because you are a mother, but you can't ignore your own needs and feelings for your children.
I remember one weekend, Tiantian played at the home of her classmate Mu Mu, and her mother saw that you had not had time to go shopping for a long time and wanted to take you to go shopping together.
Before you set off, you and Mu Mu's mother repeatedly told you that if you want to be sweet and miss your mother, you should call you at the first time.
In the hour of visiting the mall, you have to look at whether there is a phone on your mobile phone every 5 minutes, obviously saying that you want to show you a few clothes, but you are full of children's clothing.
"Sweetie likes pink, Sweetie likes Aisha, Sweetie looks good in this shoe, Sweetie likes this little bag the most..."
In the end, I bought 3 or 4 sweet clothes, and you were stunned that you didn't buy one.
To tell the truth, my mother was a little angry at that time, once you were also a baby in the palm of your mother's hand, how did you become a mother, and you didn't even have time to buy yourself a few clothes?
Not only that, but you also hide your own preferences.
Obviously you like to eat spicy, but you have to accommodate your daughter to eat sweets together; obviously you like white skirts, but you have to listen to your daughter's blue...
After becoming a mother, for the sake of your children, you gradually live off your ego.
The other day you held your phone and saw an interview, and your mother heard your sigh and saw the gloom and loss in your eyes.
I think that mother must have spoken your heart.
She said that she circled around her children 24 hours a day, putting children first everywhere, and almost forgot what she looked like.
Children can not eat spicy, love to eat spicy, she forced herself to change her eating habits;
It is inconvenient to wear high heels with children, and she has not bought her favorite shoes in several years;
Even on the wedding anniversary, originally scheduled to go to the beach, the child had to go to the playground, she did not say two words to refund the ticket ...
She said: "As long as the child says, Mom, I love you." Feel like you can give up anything. ”
But at the same time, she also found that she repeatedly put the child first, put herself in the back row, and finally got only humility.
I remembered a sentence said by teacher Zhang Defen:
"When a woman brushes her sense of existence on the family and loses herself, it is always the child who is happy, I am happy, and in the end she will live very hard." 」
Daughter, there is no doubt that the mother loves her children, but she really does not need to hide her thoughts every time and make herself the least important person.
Children are the most precious part of our lives, but not all of us, even if you have children, you can still stick to your own ideas, occasionally willful.
I believe that sweet love you, love is what you are, in front of the child, you really do not need such a "disguise".
Daughter, live out your own mother
In order to become the pride of the child
Daughter, the mother looks at Shen Huixing, a full-time mother played by Bai Baihe, who is both distressed and admired, because she has always known what she wants.
This is really worth learning.
Even if Shen Huixing is at home full-time with children, she is not a non-committal and condescending person, she dares to insist on her inner love.
In her life plan, she never forgot herself.
In addition to keeping family affairs organized, she has been participating in small band performances and retaining her share of herself.
In the play, her daughter watches her mother performing on stage, and her adoration is overflowing.
Daughter, you used to want to be a fashion designer, but in order to take care of Sweetie, your dream has been shelved.
Even if you have children, you can start over by designing clothes for Sweetie.
Trust her to be your best source of inspiration.
Mom is very fortunate that Shen Huixing in the TV series returned to the workplace, although she encountered many obstacles, she never gave up.
Moms have always felt that being a mom doesn't mean you have to give up on yourself for your children.
Mom had seen a news before, and she was more touched by admiration.
An athlete mom named Jamie Sloan is going to compete in a very important competition 7 months after the birth of her second child.
Afraid that the child's milk was insufficient, she ran while pumping with a breast pump, and finally completed the competition.
When she crossed the finish line, everyone cheered and applauded her.
On the one hand, she is a child waiting to be fed in swaddling, and on the other hand, she is looking forward to the game that she has already played, and she proves with her actions that even if she becomes a mother, she can still live a wonderful life.
Mom once heard a saying:
"If a mother can't even live well, she can't really become a good mother."
After reading these mother's experiences, my mother only wants to tell you: take care of sweet and your dreams, not only choose one of the two single choice questions, awaken your inner desire, and bravely chase it!
Children will always be your spiritual pillar, and you can also become an idol that children chase.
In addition, recently mom's body has also recovered much better, and she can become your strongest support in the future.
Daughter, you have to remember that "nothing can really trap you unless you want to, marriage and family too." ”
Daughter, Mom wants you to be selfish
Unconsciously, Mom had been nagging for so long.
In your mother's heart, you have always been that excellent daughter; in your sweet heart, you have always been that good mother with three heads and six arms.
But Mom, I sincerely hope that you can plan for yourself more.
I remember that when Shen Huixing insisted on returning to the workplace, some people in the comments said that a mother like Shen Huixing was too selfish and did not know how to sacrifice concessions for the family and for the children.
My mother didn't agree with that at all.
Women must first recognize the power and value of women: you are a daughter, a wife, a mother, but more importantly, yourself.
Every mother has unlimited potential, just like your cousin, 31 years old resigned home with a baby before the company finance, the child was two years old, she herself took the sponsor representative, with the baby during a day did not give up learning, 37 years old to return to the workplace, from the most basic, spent 5 years, the current salary status has long exceeded the past.
Usually what she likes, she never stingy, and occasionally leaves her husband and children to travel alone with her girlfriends.
Yes, she "selfishly" re-planned her life.
However, her independence and elegance did not attract the opposition of the people around her, and her husband and children paid more attention to her and adored her.
Daughter, sometimes, people think more about themselves, but they can live more freely.
In the future life, Mom wants you to:
Relax with your child and don't have to strive for perfection in everything;
Be selfish to your husband and don't have to do everything;
Be generous with yourself and consider yourself in everything.
As Ning Yuan wrote in his book Love and Normaly: A Mother's Self-Nurturing Book:
I have an organization with a few good friends who are also moms, and the name of the organization is "Old Lady Is Not a Mom Today." ”
Accept with ease the fact that "I am an imperfect mother."
In addition, rest in peace, arrange time alone, and love this "love yourself" self.
Daughters, as mothers, only by loving themselves well can they continuously empower themselves and inject new energy into the family.
No matter what difficulties you encounter, tell your mother that your mother is always behind you, always a harbor where you can anchor.