Hello everyone, after the age of 25, every year of age, the relationship between the couple will undergo some subtle changes.
"Marriage" has gradually changed from something too young to face to a topic that must be faced.
A friend next to her has been living smoothly with her boyfriend for three years, and at the beginning of the New Year, she was urged to marry by her parents for the first time in her life. It is reasonable to say that the two get along very well, and both families agree, and it is natural to talk about marriage in the third year.
But it was this urge that made the friend unexpectedly find that she was very resistant to marriage, and she was also very weak when she saw her boyfriend's positive appearance, because she suddenly realized that -
Her current boyfriend is not her ideal marriage partner.
I used to see people say that "men are very realistic, and interacting with you is not necessarily wanting to marry you".
In fact, from the perspective of girls, frankly speaking, it is the same, but girls may not assume at the beginning that "only associate with this person and do not marry".
It is often because I have experienced something, or reached a certain point, that I suddenly realize that I do not want to marry this person.
My friend is the same, if not urged to marry, there is a high probability that she will continue to associate with her boyfriend without incident, but when she realized that she was going to get married, she found that although he was a good boyfriend, he was still far from his standard of "marriage partner".
For example, her original family has a father who loves to hit people, so she hopes to find a partner who likes to encourage her, but the boyfriend always feels that she is not working hard enough and is not motivated enough.
For example, since she was a child, she hopes to find a husband who loves romance and will take care of people, but her boyfriend is a straight man, and at best he can only do 50% of the ideal will take care of people.
The question arises when you think about it, and although you don't have to make an immediate decision, it's hard not to think about it: Will a relationship that you know won't get married continue? Especially since I'm not young anymore.
If it is normal to talk about an unmarried relationship in the early 20s, it is not a big deal that you can find a better one in the future, then 30 years old is completely different, the speed of loss of good men is comparable to the speed of light, and breaking up and looking for it may not be able to find better.
To say that they are reluctant to break up immediately, they are already more like family affection than love.
My friend was very upset about this, so he came to us for help. After collecting a circle of suggestions from single and married people, you don't have to say, and really sort out some points worth referencing and thinking about.
For example, a girl who broke up after getting engaged believes that even if she finds an ideal marriage partner, she may encounter various sudden obstacles.
Marriage is too complicated, and sometimes even the right conditions of love and door-to-door are not enough to overcome everything.
There are also married people who say that before meeting a partner, their standards for the ideal marriage partner are very vague, but after meeting a partner, they find that his appearance will clarify the standard of the "ideal marriage partner" for you.
And I, as a person who has been running in love for many years, is similar to the view of single people, thinking that intimacy is to take a step and count one step, if you still like it at the moment, you will be separated if you don't like it one day in the future, and there is no need to make a decision now.
Don't set the standard early, because both people's thoughts and behaviors are changing. Maybe in the future, the two will grind into each other's ideal partner, or maybe they will shoot and scatter, who can say exactly what will happen in the future?
Even if you enter into marriage with the most ideal person at the moment, you can't guarantee that you will always love each other, and you will always be the ideal type of each other.
At the end of the day, intimacy is inherently fickle, and when it comes to marriage, it gets even more complicated.
In fact, ask yourself, many people are not very clear about their standards for the ideal marriage partner, in addition to those who bump into the luck of the right person, everyone meets nothing more than two categories: one is completely unsatisfactory can be passed directly, and the other is the person who "can also observe and observe". The so-called "ideal marriage" is probably to find a balance between ideals and reality.
As for how to look for it, and with whom to find this balance, I am afraid that a thousand people have a thousand judgments.
Anyway, any choice in life is more or less with a bit of gambler psychology, luck is on the one hand, know what you want, don't easily define a person, more observation and more running-in is also very important, in short, do not make decisions in the mood.
Head image / Arren Aaren
Illustration / Bouquet of Love