Cold noodles were delivered, and the shredded meat and green peppers were spelled into a butterfly pattern, which looked particularly appetizing. My girlfriend was losing weight, and I deliberately teased her: "Do you eat or not?" She: "Don't eat, I think."

Cold noodles were delivered, and the shredded meat and green peppers were spelled into a butterfly pattern, which looked particularly appetizing. My girlfriend was losing weight, and I deliberately teased her: "Do you eat or not?" She: "Don't eat, I just imagine it." Me: "Imagine yourself eating?" She: "I'm imagining a fat, oily cook in the kitchen on a hot day, wiping sweat and posing butterflies with his hands." "Do I still eat?"

2, help for help, has parked the car to open the door when knocked down a big mother with two children, originally gave her a pat on the soil to help her up, and then she sat on the ground can not get up, originally wanted to give a thousand private and then the other party did not compromise, was pulled to the hospital by 120 is now in the hospital, the car was dragged away by the accident department. How should this kind of thing be handled?

3, last year's buddy divorced, this year remarried, after marriage about me to drink, we drank a little too much, open the bragging mode. Dude: Do you know why I got divorced? Always look at a face, get tired of looking! I want to change a daughter-in-law, Lao Jiu, I tell you, if I can't afford to give a bride price, I want to change a daughter-in-law every year. I also blew with my tongue: You don't mean anything, you see me, seven mothers-in-law in a year. Dude: Don't brag, you can have that much money? Me: I don't have any money, but my husband has money!

4. After dinner in the evening, I went for a walk with my wife. Just saw a fruit stall next to it. My wife dragged me to buy fruit, and my wife: Wow! This orange is so big! Husband, do you eat? I thought for a moment and said, "Okay! Buy something. The wife ignored it and continued to look: This apple can also be ah! Me: Well, not bad! The wife said doubtfully: What about the mango? I looked at her reproachfully: Have you forgotten that I have a mango allergy? Wife: Boss, come two pounds of mangoes.

5, Xiao Zhang's Maybach opened to the 4S shop to repair, after work can only take the subway home. Sitting next to Xiao Zhang at that time was a beautiful woman, who looked particularly good. So Xiao Zhang was ready to go to the conversation, and thought that ordinary beautiful women are interested in constellations. So Xiao Zhang smiled and said: Beauty, what kind of seat are you??? Beauty looked up at Xiao Zhang and said, "Are you blind, I'm a hard seat!!!

6, the newly rented community has been some years old, the security is not very good, these days often hear that someone lost the courier. I love to shop online and have couriers almost every day. In order not to let my courier be stolen, I want to take a courier to change the name once, although the trouble is still safe! Among them, there are names: Angela, Daji, Kai, Jing, Xiahou Huan, Lanling Wang, Descendant, Han Xin, Guan Yu, and Lu Ban No. 7. It turned out that less than a month later, the uncle of the downstairs courier reported me. The reason is actually: I suspect that my family gathers, and there are more than thirty people who receive a courier!

7, really sad to die, want to buy a domestic car, a group of people began to say that domestic cars are not good, that is not good, so that I have no confidence in domestic cars. Originally, I was a part-time worker, and my salary was not high, so I didn't want to buy a car that was prone to problems. Gods, recommend a car of about 100,000.

8, last night dreamed of Santa Claus... Santa Claus: Christmas is here, what gift do you want? Me: I want one of your elk. Santa Claus: Is it practical to be good? Me: I want a girlfriend. Santa Claus:...... Which elk do you want?

9, that day at noon after eating walking on the way back to the unit, a MM came to me, looked at me for half a day, suddenly asked me what brand of lipstick on my mouth, I was stunned, and then pointed out the way to her: "Go all the way forward, the first intersection left turn that spicy hot." Remember to tell the boss to put more peppers!"

10. Once when my uncle came back from outside with a medicine cloth wrapped in his hand, my aunt saw it and asked the reason with concern: How did your hand hurt? The uncle replied: I saw a boy on the road with a knife stabbed a girl in the buttocks. Auntie: What does this have to do with your hand? Uncle: My hand was right on the girl's ass

1 Often hear some male compatriots complain that their wives are angry and want to kneel on the washboard, and some even have swollen knees. I laughed when I heard this, is this still a man? Are you out of this? Can't you buy a pair of knee pads for ten dollars on double twelve, as I did?

12, one day in class, the teacher to the students will be metaphorical sentences, after the end, let the students use metaphorical sentences to describe the teacher, when everyone is still thinking about how to describe, the same table has stood up: the teacher is like a golden sunflower, always pursuing the bright sun. The teacher commented: Well, it is good, and the quality of the teacher's sunshine has been talked about. As a result, several of my classmates burst out laughing. I just don't understand, what's funny about that.

13, my boyfriend bought me a silk scarf and tied a very beautiful knot. I asked, "Didn't you say I was your first love?" I don't think so. You tie a silk scarf and tie a knot so skillfully and beautifully, it is not like the first time you have tied it to a girl. The boyfriend lifted his pants leg up, pointed to the sneakers and said, "Look at my shoelaces, I tied them to you by tying them."

14, the wife and husband quarrel every day, ignoring each other. The husband was angry every time, and the wife who ignored the wife for half a month found a mediation master through the introduction of a friend. Master: "Every time a person is angry, it is like getting hepatitis, which is very harmful to the body. According to Taoists, if you want to be angry, you can nod your head, which can alleviate the feeling of anger. A few days later, the rich woman came to the temple again. The master asked, "Does your husband still love to be angry?" The rich woman skimmed her lips: "It is better to be angry, stand up ten times a day, and then nod wildly, like a chicken that eats ecstasy pills!" ”