1. A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous."

1. A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous, get dressed and wait a while." Then, she took a bag of garbage from the kitchen and walked to the door, opened the door and said, "Honey, before entering the door, will you take this bag of garbage out and throw it away?" Then by the time her husband entered the door again, the man was already dressed and left safely. On the way home, the man thought, this woman is so smart.

2. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

3. When going to school, the school always holds fire drills. The class teacher has repeatedly stressed: during the exercise, we must cooperate with each other, help more girls, boys do not procrastinate, and our class should not count down. In the afternoon, we gathered on the playground, and as soon as the drill signal sounded, there was a most honest boy in my class, who picked up the class flower and turned around and ran, and more than two dozen boys shouted and chased. In the end, due to the surprising speed of his class, he won the first place in the whole school.

4. The brother drives a private helicopter to take his sister-in-law and nephew to eat ravioli. After eating, the family of three went to the mall again.

The brother and sister-in-law led the little nephew in the middle, and the little nephew sang: "I have a chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand..."

The brother immediately glanced at him, but the sister-in-law continued to sing jokingly: "There is a toad in the middle. ”

5. Colleagues picked up a Xiaomi Mi 10 PRO on the road! Spent money to find someone to unlock the lock, found that the mobile phone photo album is full of self-pai. The owner of the mobile phone is a little girl, the appearance is very high, and the figure is also first-class! Colleagues feel like they've fallen in love. So I dialed my sister's number written on my phone and told her: "I picked up a mobile phone and hope to see the owner of the mobile phone return it to her!" "The next morning I made an appointment with a colleague. When colleagues were nervous and excited to see this one hundred and eighty pound girl...

6. Passing by the market after work at Foxconn and wanting to buy a tomato to go home and cook soup to drink. I picked three tomatoes, two small and one large, weighed the stall owner and said: one and a half pounds, three pieces and five. I said: Just make a soup, that's too much. After saying that, the largest tomato was removed, and the stall owner quickly glanced at the scale again: one pound, two two, three pieces. I calmly pulled out 5 cents, picked up the biggest tomato that had just been removed, turned my head and left.

7. When I went home from the New Year's holiday, I was afraid that my grandparents would be bored in my hometown, so I bought a computer. Taught them to use the computer, and also applied for a QQ number for them... Yesterday, I accidentally caught a glimpse of the state above Grandma's Q, and I was instantly petrified. "When you don't travel, don't take risks, don't talk about a relationship, but haven't tried life, hang on QQ, brush VBo, shop Taobao, do what I can do when I'm 80 years old." 」 You want youth to have a yarn. ＂

8. When I was in the third year of high school, we paid attention to academic achievements in school and strictly grasped the love affair. The class teacher watched as fewer and fewer people came out to exercise for several days in a row, and there was no one in the classroom. Later, it was found that they were all pairs hiding in the woods behind the building to talk about love. The class teacher went to the squatting point, grabbed 6, ran 1, and finally just gave the boy who ran a punishment. He said: "Such a small thing to throw the girlfriend down, you have to teach a lesson!" ”

9. When I was a child, our family had a good relationship with our neighbors, and then the neighbors gave birth to a daughter. At that time, my father drank with each other, and finally privately ordered me a doll kiss, just because of this matter, I was ridiculed by my friends. I also felt very ashamed, so I went on a hunger strike and let the family quit this family affair, and my father reluctantly agreed. Now whenever I mention this matter, I always say with emotion when I am nearly forty years old and still wearing a bare stick: Man, you must have foresight. You see I'm alone now, I don't know how happy I am!

 10. On the day of the college entrance examination, I saw that I scored 698 points, and I fainted with joy! Dad was also very happy to know, so he directly sent me a BMW M5. After the start of school, I drove the BMW M5 to school, and the classmates saw such a good car for the first time. I was so excited that I was jokingly competing for my car keys. Accidentally hit a junior student, she covered her forehead and shouted: Who threw the car keys? No one dared to admit it and I took it. Seeing that more than a million BMW M5s were about to be driven away, I had to apologize. She threw away her car keys, pointed at me and said, "You follow me to the infirmary, you're responsible for me!" There was no turning back from this walk, and I was responsible for her for the rest of my life.

11. When the little boy is in the sixth grade, he is addicted to games, and his father can't hear his heart no matter how disciplined. On this day, I saw the little boy playing a game, and the little boy first sent one, two or three blood, and then was scolded by his teammates. Dad couldn't take it anymore, so he took over and showed him his own Yaso, and won several for him to take his classmates! After that, the little boy obeyed, and one day came home to write his homework first and then asked his father to play games for him with his classmates. At the end of this period, he will be in the top 20 on the condition that his father give him gold! Use his game fans to improve his grades, although it is a bit strange to say, but the grades can go up is good!

12. In the first year of school at Tsinghua University, my best brother and I in the dormitory both looked at the class flowers. We made an appointment to compete fairly and will still be brothers in the future. On this day, the three of us were studying together, Ban Hua said a little eczema, I did not say a word to run to the pharmacy to buy an ointment to treat eczema. Back in the self-study room, the roommate was pinching the neck of The Class Flower: if you drop the pillow, you will fall on the pillow, don't say that it is a lost pillow, and the strength is heavy. ...... Now their child is ten years old!

13. The sister-in-law who went to elementary school came home from school and triumphantly said to her mother-in-law: "Today the teacher praised me!" Mother-in-law: "What do you praise?" Sister-in-law: "The teacher praised me for being a drunk student in our class!" Mother-in-law: "How can you be so confident?" Sister-in-law: "Our class teacher said that no matter what I did, I always dragged the whole class back by myself!" "Mother-in-law:" ..."

#Funny##搞笑段子 #