After a week of business trip, come back to reimbursement, the female boss gave me more than eight thousand eight, no merit, I was resolutely not wanted. The landlady said: "Go to help me clean up the apartment after work, and buy more quilts by the way."

After a week of business trip, come back to reimbursement, the female boss gave me more than eight thousand eight, no merit, I was resolutely not wanted. The landlady said: "Go to help me clean up the apartment after work, and buy more quilts by the way." As soon as she said that, I agreed. After work, I first bought a quilt, and then went to clean, the general hourly worker to clean up a house is estimated to be a few hundred yuan, deducting the 300 to buy a quilt, the female boss gave more money, so I do housework very seriously, meticulous. From 7 p.m. to 2 a.m., I was tired, but I secretly told myself to be worthy of the high pay. I was going to stay up all night, but the landlady knew what was wrong for 3 days at night, and suddenly got angry, threw me out of the house, and scolded me: "Fool! "Mad, angry man, if you don't give more money, believe it or not, I went in and beat her?"

2. The brother told the nephew not to watch TV, quickly write his homework, and said it several times, but the nephew just ignored it. Sister-in-law: Didn't you hear that? Hurry up and go. The nephew listened to his sister-in-law and left the TV to write his homework. Brother: Your mother's words you write homework, my words, do not have your mother has weight? Nephew: Of course. Brother: Why do your mother's words have weight? Nephew: Mom one hundred and eight, you are only one hundred and two, who do you say has weight?

3. I was fired from Foxconn for sleeping, and then I went to Microsoft to interview for a programmer and met a particularly strange HR. He asked me how to sell a pound of Cabbage for 20 yuan. I smiled slightly, don't say twenty dollars a hundred dollars I can also sell it to you! He asked again: How do you do it? I replied: First wash the cabbage, cut a tenth of the hand to tear the knife and cut it! Heat the pot with oil, add ginger and garlic minced, add cabbage, add spices, out of the pot ten yuan a plate a pound can make ten plates! He said roll, I'm interviewing for sales not chefs! I wonder if I'm wrong?

4. My brother won the lottery two days ago, picked up a car, and asked me to go to the barbecue to celebrate. Before the food was served, my brother's stomach had been uncomfortable and he had been running to the toilet. He asked his 6-year-old son, "What's wrong with your dad?" Did you eat something and eat a bad stomach? His son thought about it and replied, "He can eat happily at noon, maybe he wants you to check out, deliberately hide in the toilet!" ”

5. I wore a birth control ring ten years ago, but I didn't expect to get pregnant in the end. I was reluctant to kill the child, so I gave birth to him. Now that my child is in kindergarten, I went to give him a parent-teacher conference, and at the end of the day I was almost asleep! Only to hear the teacher finally say: "Tomorrow teach addition within 1,000, remember to bring a small stick, balabala..." The next day, I prepared 1,000 small sticks for my son, a whole large denim school bag, like a big package to run away from home, and the plants were all wiped out by me. Later, the teacher smiled bitterly and repeated the original words that I did not hear clearly: "Tomorrow teach the addition of less than a thousand, remember to bring a small stick, we will replace 10 with a small stick, and everyone can bring 100!" "Since then, I have become an insurmountable myth of my son's school.

6. After resigning from the courier, he did not find a job for half a year, and he had no choice but to sit on the takeaway rider. The manager looked at me seriously and introduced his cousin to me. After meeting at the Quanjude Hotel, we were relatively speechless, she was a little shy, and I was even more shy. After half an hour, she asked me without words: Where do you work? Me: You're in the same company as your cousin. She asked again: What about my cousin? Me: You're in the same company as me. Later, naturally it did not work out, the reason was surprisingly consistent, and they all felt that the other party's brain was not good!

7. In the morning, my sister went on a blind date, and when she came back, she looked depressed. At that time, the old mother was anxious, so she quickly asked, "Girl, what's wrong with you?" Didn't you take a fancy to the boy on the other side? The sister said, "Yeah, that boy is so ugly." The old mother advised her sister: "Boys look almost the same, don't be so harsh." The sister said, "I don't look as good as my brother." The old mother was stunned for a moment, and then said, "That looks really ugly." "As a sister-in-law, I was speechless!

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #