1. The female thief went to DaZhuang's house to steal, stole 300 yuan, and went away, and that night the female thief returned and woke up the sleeping Da Zhuang. Da Zhuang: "Who are you?" ''Female thief:' "I am a female thief."

1. The female thief went to DaZhuang's house to steal, stole 300 yuan, and went away, and that night the female thief returned and woke up the sleeping Da Zhuang. Da Zhuang: "Who are you?" Female thief: "I am a female thief, I stole 300 pieces from you, and now I give it back to Da Zhuang: "You have entered the wrong door, I have not thrown money!" "Female thief: You can't be a person with a conscience, my diamond ring was lost when I was stealing at home, you should return it to me quickly, otherwise I will call the police!" The female thief went to DaZhuang's house to steal, stole 300 yuan, and left, and that night the female thief returned and woke up the sleeping Da Zhuang. Da Zhuang: "Who are you?" Female thief: "I am a female thief, I stole 300 pieces from you, and now I give it back to Da Zhuang: "You have entered the wrong door, I have not thrown money!" "Female thief: You can't be a person with a conscience, my diamond ring was lost when I was stealing at home, you should return it to me quickly, otherwise I will call the police!"

2. Husbands can't fall asleep over and over again, wives: Can't you sleep? Husband: I borrowed the money from lao Zhang next door, it will expire tomorrow, and I can't pay it back! The wife listened, went to the window and called: Old Zhang, my husband has no money to pay you back tomorrow. After saying that, he said to her husband: You can sleep in peace, now it is the turn of Lao Zhang to sleep...

3 My mother-in-law bought me a BMW V Series on the condition that I wash her feet.

When I washed her feet with water, I suddenly found that my mother-in-law had paronychia and immediately drove him to the hospital.

The doctor looked at it for a moment and then said, "Pull off your nails." Then, she appointed a young intern boy to operate on the mother-in-law, do anesthesia, take scissors, knives and clips and start tossing the mother-in-law's nails.

In the end, I got it for half a day, and still didn't pull it off.

The young man actually angrily warned his mother-in-law: "You must not bark, or I will pass out." ”

4 Shopping to the Gucci store, the salesman looked at the ordinary clothes I was wearing with disdain: "Don't touch it, you can't afford to lose it!" At that time, I was angry and shouted, "I can't afford it? Show me that one! "The salesman saw that I was right and took it." Then I asked her to wrap it up for me. The salesman immediately smiled and said, "There is vision, this is the new model this season, 100,000 pieces!" I nodded and put my bag on the cash register. The salesman smiled and looked at me expectantly. I smiled again and said, "I can't afford it!" ”

5 Two days ago, the buddies fought with others, and in order to support the scene, they were plastered with tattoo stickers on their bodies, and then they didn't do anything. Then the buddies invited us to the bathhouse to take a shower, and there were so many people inside. I finished my clothes and walked inside, and very politely said to the person next to me: Trouble let me go! As a result, everyone directly opened a road for me, and a little brother gave me the faucet...

6 After work, I rushed straight out of the company to squeeze the bus, which was really overcrowded. At one stop, the conductor shouted to the people who were going to get on the bus: "Don't get on the bus again, there are no seats on the bus!" Just then, a fat girl in the car suddenly wanted to get out of the car here, and she just stepped out of the car door. Only to hear the conductor shouting, "Hurry, hurry!" It can also go up to 5 places. ”

7 College roommates have been single for many years, and recently after many hardships, they finally succeeded in their blind date.

Invite a few good roommates to have a barbecue in the evening, and introduce the girlfriend to us by the way!

Because everyone was happy for him, they drank a few more drinks, a bunch of people drank dizzy, and his girlfriend drank on the table, so we went back to each house!

A few days later, when he heard that they had broken up, he asked him why, only to see him screaming in the sky: "How come you guys didn't remind me, that night she was left alone at the supper stall!" Single for too long! Didn't react! ”

8 I'm in college now, but I haven't been in a relationship yet, and I envy the couples in my class. Once I looked at the strawberry stamp on the girl's neck and felt so new. So I pinched my own neck, and immediately I had the illusion of strawberries. Just got it right and didn't meet the table and asked: Hey, what are you doing? I explained: Nothing, I caught fire and pinched myself. A disdainful look at the same table: Hey, when you talk about love, admit it! Also lying! I was suddenly speechless...

9 After retiring, the husband who worked as a driver for the owner of the real estate company had a pension of 25,000 yuan per month. He sold his house in the city and returned to his hometown in the countryside with his mother-in-law. Some time ago, the old man found that the neighbor's aunt often came to his yard to walk around. Sometimes he even pulled a few times in the firewood pile of the old man's house. The old man asked curiously: What are you doing in my yard these days? She said: My old hen doesn't lay eggs in the nest anymore, let me see if it lays eggs to your house!" The old man said: Recently, the investigation is relatively tight, and it may be worried that it will be fined when it comes to your house, so it does not dare to lay eggs in its own home.

10 Big Head Son: "Dad, are you free today?" Little Daddy: "You say something first." Big Head Son: "The school is going to hold a micro parent symposium!" Little Head Dad: "What is a miniature parent symposium?" The big head son: "Only the class teacher, you and I participate!" The little-headed father roared angrily: "Roll, Lao Tzu is not available!" ”