The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly: only

The college entrance examination results came out, I scored 731 points, I did not expect to be the first place in our school. The same table called me and asked: I scored 685 points, how much do you have? I said sadly: I just took the test a little more than 700. Table Mate: That's also very good, your dad promised you that the Rolls-Royce arrived, right? Me: No, it's just a Maybach. Table Mate: Alas, I can only drive my Rolls-Royce, and I'm just 15 out of 5 to buy a Maybach!

Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

On the night of the candle in the cave, the groom excitedly lifted the bride's red hijab, but found that it was another woman.

The woman was handsome, a hundred times more beautiful than the bride.

The bridegroom was surprised and delighted, and quickly asked, "You, you, who the hell are you?"

The woman smiled shyly, blushed and whispered, "The bride is drunk, I am a bridesmaid, and the wine offspring are married." ”

I once went up to the mountain to play, and on the way I met a fox, and on a whim, I shouted at it: "Evil beast! Don't you want to show up in its original form yet?! The fox shook his head for a moment and suddenly began to speak, "This is the original form!" "Mommy has a monster !!!." I shouted and ran away, and the fox ran after me with a scream, shouting as he ran, "Where are the monsters!" Don't leave me behind! Scared me to death..."

Dad graduated from graduate school and met my mother when he worked in the hospital. Since both men are doctors, there is a special focus on my health. They taught me from a young age: don't do strenuous exercise after eating, otherwise you will easily suffer from cecalitis! But if I don't exercise vigorously, I may be more miserable or die than I do with appendicitis. After all, the current restaurant owners are quite fierce, and if they catch those who do not pay, they will fight to the death!

Since getting married, I have found that women are animals that cannot be hard-fought but can only be outsmarted. It is necessary to talk about strategy in order to touch her heart to change her mind. On this day, I came back late, and my wife lost her temper and punished me to kneel on the washboard. As soon as I knelt down, I suddenly shouted and said to my wife, "Wife, you bought these pants, and it hurts me to kneel!" The wife was touched by this, and immediately lifted me up and said, "Then husband, you hurry up and replace what your mother bought!" ”

Last night, the wife accompanied her sister-in-law on a blind date, and this time she failed again. As soon as my wife came back, she kept scolding, and from her scolding, I finally understood the reason for the failure of the blind date. It turned out that the man hated that the sister-in-law was too beautiful and had a good figure, and he was worried that one day the grass would be green on his head. "Alas..." My wife sighed, looked at me and said, "Now what is this world, even pigs have begun to be picky eaters, is it that the cabbage that has been raised for more than twenty years has been smashed in the hand?" ”

I met my daughter-in-law at the bar, and we both got drunk that night, and the next day when we woke up drunk, we found that we were sleeping in the same bed and married her. Last night, when she arrived home after shopping, she said happily: I saw a skirt under the seat when I was on the bus! Then she changed into a look, size and fit, and the skirt was beautiful. I was also very happy, and the next day I talked about it in the company and saw that everyone was looking weird. One of the girls said quietly: I bought more expensive clothes and told my family this way.

After work at night, it was raining heavily outside, so I waited for my boyfriend at the unit to pick me up. I waited for three hours and was ecstatic when I saw the phone call. Thinking that he could finally show his love, he pressed the hands-free waiting for the soul-destroying "wife". As a result, he shouted in a thick voice: "Fat man hurry up and give me down, the road is blocked!" "The office was suddenly quiet.

After graduating from 211 University of Finance and Economics, he joined a pharmaceutical company as a marketing manager. I usually have a very busy job, and I don't have time to go home. Once, during a long vacation, I took the bus home and lost five yuan without change. A buddy in the back immediately got into the car and saw that I had invested five dollars, and immediately took out five dollars. He said to me: "I haven't taken a car in a few days, and the price has risen so fast!" I said with some embarrassment, "Dude, I don't have any change..."

#Funny paragraph # #搞笑 #