1. The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I'm angry

1. The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is also OK.?

2. One night I drank outside and forgot the corridor password when I came home, so I called the security guard. He asked solemnly, "How do you prove that you are the owner?" I said, "Open the door for Lao Tzu!" The security guard said, "Prove it to Lao Tzu." I shouted, "Beanie." A dog's head popped out of the balcony, and I said, "Bark." "So Bean Bean shouted, causing the next door to be called, causing the black back to cry on the other side... In the blink of an eye, the community was noisy, and the lights were lit. The security guard wore his suit and said, "This proof is too noisy and powerful." "Hurry up and open the door!!!!!

3. Fa Xiao bought an Audi A8, and a holiday friend requisitioned his Audi as a wedding car to pick up a couple. Fa Xiao is the driver, the groom sits in the back, and the bride sits in the side seat. Because the groom gives the bride less gifts to the car, the bride is a little angry and does not speak along the way. Sending a small look at the gas is not right, turn on the music: finally you have become someone else's little... Then, Fa Xiao found that the groom's face was almost black.

4. Today my son came home very happy and said to me: "Mom today the teacher taught us to write one, two, three, I wrote wrong at the same table, the teacher beat him to cry!" I thought haha who's this stupid son! If I had this stupid son I would have died. I used to watch TV experts say to use the "encouragement education model" for children, so I wanted to praise him: "Baby! What about you?"" Mom, I didn't cry, I'm old and strong!"

5. Last month, my brother-in-law changed into an Audi R8 and gave me the Porsche he had been driving for three years. While driving, he found 300,000 yuan in the co-pilot's glove box. I think the brother-in-law must have forgotten to take it, and quickly called him, who knew that he told me: This money is also for me! The brother-in-law said: Brother, you gave me the money in front of my daughter-in-law, and I said that I sold you the old car for 300,000 yuan, so that she would not think that I gave you the old car for free. I was touched at that time, if it weren't for my brother-in-law playing a game now, I would really think that this dream was real!

6. After buying the shift in the evening, my friend and I went to the night market, we saw that there were scarves for sale, we picked for a while, and left without a photo. Suddenly, a loud voice was heard shouting: You stand for me! We all looked back, thinking the thief had been found stealing something or something. Who knew that the man said again: It is not so cheap to go further, hurry up and see it!

7. The little nephew is particularly naughty, and does not love to learn and always likes to break into trouble. Dad always taught him. The little nephew said: Grandpa, then I have to study hard, what should I do if I am admitted to college, then the good college tuition is very expensive!! Can our family afford it? Dad said: If you can afford it, don't worry about it!! The little nephew said: Grandpa, you are a liar!! In the morning I asked my aunt for fifty cents!! I......

8. Today I took my girlfriend to eat Western food, 980 yuan at checkout, but I actually forgot to bring money. The waiter said: You leave your girlfriend here, you go back and get it. So I hit a Didi and went home and took 1,000 yuan to rush back to Quanjude. The waiter greeted him and said: Hello, a total of 1020 yuan. I looked at the 1,000 yuan in my pocket and the 10 skewers of lamb in my girlfriend's hand, completely petrified!

9. After graduating from college, I worked in a listed company, almost thirty years old and did not have a boyfriend, in order to work conveniently, I rented a house with colleagues near the company. Once, I heard a colleague say that there was a very beautiful cashier from the supermarket downstairs. After I listened, I was not calm at the time. Without saying a word, I went downstairs to the small supermarket, trying to tease her with the opportunity to buy cigarettes: "I heard that you buy one get one free, then I want to ask, buy what you send ah?" I thought she would definitely be shy, but I didn't expect it, and the beautiful cashier didn't raise her head and replied: "Send a husband, and then add two children." ”

10. The day after tomorrow salary I can go to KFC, now nervous death, there is no expensive ah, two people will not be tens of thousands of it! How can you pretend to go often, is it not to go in and sit down directly and shout: two, old rules, thank you? Shouldn't you yell out loud when ordering: Come and get a colonel's chicken nugget? What kind of food to order to appear to have an identity? The menu wouldn't be in foreign language, right? I'm so nervous! Can you help me?

11. The mobile phone number does not know who leaked it, and receives all kinds of calls all day long to sell the house. Today, I received a call from the sales office, saying that there is a real estate greening rate of 55% in the city center, do you want to consider it? I said to him: No thanks, I live in a green area of 95%. He said it was impossible and asked me which neighborhood I lived in? I said Wang Jiazhuang, and he hung up the phone.

12. In the third year of junior high school, we often do exam papers in the evening self-study, and then the teacher will talk about it the next day. In the classroom, the English teacher talks about the paper, because the class foundation is too good, it is particularly fast. After a long time, the English teacher said, "It's so boring, why don't I talk about your chemistry papers together!" After saying that, she really talked about a physics roll. In the afternoon, the physics teacher came to class, and after learning about this, he looked up at the sky and shouted: "Well, if she is not kind, don't blame me for being unjust, please take out the math paper!" ”

13. Recently, because of the increase in pork prices, we have not eaten meat in our family for a long time. After returning home from work in the afternoon, I just opened the door and entered the house to smell the aroma of stewed braised pork all over the room, and I ran to the kitchen to wrap my daughter-in-law and said, "Wow, my daughter-in-law is so good, I made braised pork." Then the daughter-in-law said with a blank face: "No, maybe the balcony window is not closed, the wind is strong, and the family is drifting here!" ”

#Funny##搞笑段子 #