Qian Zhongshu said in "Siege of the City": "It can be seen that marriage does not need too great love, and it is enough to get married if you don't hate each other." ”
Love is only love, marriage is marriage, whether to marry because of love or not, is just a choice of people. Even if there is no love, you can get married, or as long as you are willing to complete the content of the marriage.
But you always have to consider that marriage is a lifelong thing, pay attention to the key word: a lifetime.
Love is something that can't be cultivated, and what is formed later is inertia, if you want to make your married life relatively warmer.
A cold marriage is not necessarily nothing to say and no business, but it is also a pure cooperative relationship and interest relationship due to responsibility and entanglement.
Some people may say that even if you marry because of love, in marriage, love will disappear. In fact, it is not that love has disappeared, but the focus of each other has shifted to life, or when the word "love" in love comes to the door of marriage, it does disappear, but the "love" in love will always be the same.
Without love as the foundation, the most precious feelings between husband and wife can never be cultivated, and many times it is just that you think you have cultivated them.
Why do you have to marry someone you like? Specifically, we must start from three points.
1, marry someone you don't like, you may not even have a physical attraction.
There are three foundations for a happy marriage: the material basis, the emotional basis, and the harmonious conjugal life. In the case of material security, especially women, if she has no feelings for you, then in the matter of conjugal life, the heart must be resistant, unable to truly accept you, or take the initiative to have any intimate behavior with you.
If there is no physical attraction between husband and wife, it is very sad, and over time it will lead to disharmony in the couple's life, especially until the passion fades.
What this means is self-evident.
For example, no matter how good the other party is, you just can't produce that kind of warm emotion, always show coldness, and then turn the couple's life into a "routine".
Therefore, for a person you don't like, you can't be gentle, and even your emotions will become inexplicably grumpy, and you can't help but want to be angry at it. Maybe when you get married, you just don't hate each other, but after living together for a long time, tolerance will be seriously lacking.
Finally, there are problems in the relationship, problems in life, and inability to enter a virtuous circle, do not underestimate this matter.
2, you will feel more and more regrets, and by this regret makes you think wildly.
When the couple does not quarrel, you may feel that whether there is love in married life or not is the same, but when the couple quarrels, you will definitely question your original choice, feel regret, feel regret, regret why you just found someone to marry in the first place.
This psychology may also lead to your married life into a vicious circle.
For example, you are questioning your choices more and more, making your emotions more and more emotional, your tolerance getting lower and lower, and finally leading to more and more frequent quarrels. Then you question your choice even more, and then this questioning makes the relationship between husband and wife more tense and the contradiction more intense.
In addition, it is also very easy to make yourself uneasy and eager to move because of the regret in your heart, and you are full of special desires and expectations for love.
After all, you feel that there are too many missing parts in your marriage, so you can't help but think of filling in, as long as it is an individual, you can't be an exception. Blame all the unhappiness on not choosing love in the first place.
If you are married because of love, you may soon be able to figure out who you are married to, the content of the marriage is the same, and then quickly correct your attitude, correctly run the marriage, and correctly deal with the contradictions within the marriage.
3, if you are married because of love, then you will be full of expectations for the future.
To put it simply, it is to mobilize your own enthusiasm and initiative through love, because you expect the future of both of you to be happier, so you are willing to pay special efforts and sacrifices for your own wishes, and do what you need to do. Even when arguing, you still want to grow old with the other party.
But if it is a matter of will, you will most likely have a natural attitude towards marriage, and you will not be particularly the management of marriage.
In fact, there is no necessary determination and obsession between you.
For example, the values of common struggle, the obsession of hand in hand, and the determination to share a destiny in this life and this life.
Otherwise, your efforts will only be six points, and you will exaggerate to nine points, and then you will completely lose the responsibility of running the marriage to the other party, and you will have an attitude of sitting back and enjoying it. At the same time, I don't have much hope for the future, and I don't want to think about how good the future is, but if it's bad, it's a big deal to change a partner.
Because that's the person you like, there are expectations and visions for the future, and if you don't like your partner, the enthusiasm must be discounted.
Really, whether there is love in your marriage or not is completely different, and it almost determines your resilience. Manifested in the shortcomings of the partner, the broken parts of life, is not able to achieve tolerance. Without that special emotion, there can be no special tolerance between husband and wife.
I also read a passage like this, saying:
"The biggest difference between marriage and love is whether you are willing to change or not. Willing to change yourself for the sake of the other party is true love, from the beginning to the end do not want to change themselves, at best just the other party loves you. Can be compromised, can be concessional, willing to try the original hate, have such a heart, in order to maintain feelings. ”
The other person loves you, is willing to change himself for you, and does everything he needs to do for the sake of the longevity of the marriage. The reverse should be true, but if you just don't like the other person, then no matter what, you can't force yourself, such as changing yourself for the sake of the other person.
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