Love is the wind and snow, marriage is chai rice oil and salt, for most men and women, once they enter marriage, they need to face a variety of problems.
Generally speaking, if both husband and wife can handle it well: money, children and male-female relationships, then they will definitely live happily.
How to mobilize a woman's enthusiasm and make her truly feel good in her married life requires men to do these two things:
First: praise each other's strengths and ignore each other's shortcomings
Good women are all exaggerated. A marriage is not happy, and whether the relationship between husband and wife is harmonious or not is actually reflected in the woman's face.
The more men know how to praise each other, the more empathetic wives tend to be.
John Gottman, a world-renowned expert in marriage research, has found in his years of research that high-quality marriages are not without problems, but that positive interactions (encouragement, praise, hugs, etc.) exceed negative interactions (criticism, accusations, ignoring, etc.), and the optimal ratio is 3.5:1, and happy marriages can usually reach 5:1. When this ratio drops below 1:1, it may be on the verge of divorce.
There is no such thing as an absolutely perfect marriage, and there is no absolutely perfect partner. Whether a relationship can last long, whether two people can really achieve harmony, is actually related to the usual way of communication.
During the consultation, I came into contact with a male fan. He had a strained relationship with his wife, married for ten years, and the two had two children together. But for now, he's living a very unhappy life.
In life, he sees each other's shortcomings, and rarely takes care of women's feelings in couples' lives.
Sometimes when he found his wife's shortcomings, he directly accused: Why is the home so dirty? Why do you always spend money indiscriminately? Why did the child get taken by you for a while and become so naughty?
Over time, the relationship between the two people has a problem. The wife no longer wants to communicate with him, and even the conjugal life is very perfunctory.
In general, problems in the lives of couples are often due to communication problems. In daily life, we must change the mode of communication, blindly accuse, can only bring harm to the other party.
If you translate the pattern of the conversation into:
Wife, are you very tired today, the house is a little dirty, or let's clean it together?
Wife, I found that recently we spend money a little strongly, can we keep accounts together and change the way we spend?
When you turn the tone of accusation into a tone of discussion, you will find that the attitude of the other party will also improve accordingly, and the same is true when facing the life of a couple. Try to use a gentle tone, put forward your own needs and ideas, and consider each other's feelings more, so that each other's lives are more harmonious.
Second: Respect each other's ideas and affirm each other's efforts
The longer you get married, the easier it is to take your partner's efforts for granted. In marriage, there is also a serious problem, that is, it is easy to impose your own ideas on the other half.
I have a literary friend, about my age. I used to stay at home full-time for the sake of my children for a long time. She loves to write and writes a lot of text in her spare time.
During her years at full-time, she spent most of her energy on her children. Now that the child is growing up, she wants to write professionally and see if there is any hope of supporting herself through words.
But her husband is very opposed, the reason is, of course: rely on words to cash, do you think it is realistic? The ideal is very full, the reality is very bone.
She loves to read, and in her free time, she likes to be quiet and read a few pages. But her husband also doesn't support her hobbies. Sometimes, she had to sneak away and read a few pages of a book.
She doesn't understand why her husband doesn't support what she loves?
So, I think the most important thing for a woman in marriage is understanding and support. A woman for the family and children has sacrificed a lot of free time. She wants to have a short time alone, and this is the best support for a woman if she can help with housework and take care of the kids.
Men and women have a different division of labor. Women pay in the family, it is difficult to measure with actual remuneration, while men work hard in the workplace, but can be affirmed with real income.
But men must understand that it is because your wife has taken on most of the housework and child-rearing problems for you that you can work hard in the workplace.
Whether a marriage is good or not, in fact, is reflected in the face of the other half, if the wife rarely complains, the eyes are gentle, the expression is relaxed, then it is basically happy. On the contrary, the wife often makes moods and looks anxious, which basically means that she is not happy.
Happiness has switches. Happiness is also the most authentic feeling. When you can truly appreciate your other half from the heart, try to praise each other's advantages, and know how to appreciate each other's efforts, then your relationship will become more and more harmonious.
People are mutual. When you change your perception and communication patterns, the other person will also make adjustments. Marriage is very long, and we will face various problems in the process of getting along with our other half.
Make adjustments in time and give back in time so that you can feel the real beauty and happiness.