Everyone pursues a happy and happy marriage, and the ideal state of marriage is the perfect high degree of integration of sex and love between partners to achieve double satisfaction of body and mind.
But what does most people's marriages look like most people really are? The real married life is not necessarily so complete, and some people have "love and no sex" in their marriages, or "sex without love", or even "loveless and asexual".
There are not a few people who encounter such troubles in marriage, and in the counseling group, a large number of clients come to the rescue because of such marital problems. So, can such a marriage last?
First, there is love and sexless marriage
"My husband and I have been married for 3 years, the child is 2 years old and has not had a conjugal life since I became pregnant. At first, because I was taking care of my baby, I was physically and mentally exhausted, so I didn't want to have sex.
But when the child is older, the husband does not ask for it, no longer takes the initiative, every time he touches him like an electric shock, he always rejects me with exhaustion.
I found myself going crazy, and my temper was a little bit, and it was only he who immediately confessed his mistake in order to slowly calm my anger.
I'm in my early 30s now, living in a sexless marriage, really broken, and I don't know how long I can stand it.
However, on the other hand, my husband will bear the family expenses, the money earned will also be handed over to me, and he will also take the initiative to do housework and accompany the children, which is also good for my mother's family. So I think, in fact, he still loves me and is very good to my family and children.
But I'm still slowly becoming a resentful woman, what should I do? Should I get a divorce?"
Interpretation of marriage psychologists:
The pain and entanglement of love and sexlessness in marriage lies in having love without wanting to divide, and sexlessness makes people collapse. If there is no "love" anymore, it may not be so uncomfortable to pull away. It is worth noting that often the "love" part here is more of a responsibility.
Marriage is a social relationship based on love, in which the importance of sex is based on the importance of both parties to the marriage, so if both parties can accept asexuality, it can be long-lasting, but if any party cares about this problem, it is impossible to effectively solve it for a long time.
Regarding sexless marriage, some psychologists believe: "If couples live in harmony, then sex accounts for only 10% of your life; If couples live in a disharmonious way, sex may account for 60% of your life. "Conjugal life may not be a catalyst for the sublimation of marital feelings, but the lack of conjugal life will definitely become a catalyst for the dilution of marital feelings."
In married life, sexual issues often point to marriage itself.
If there are contradictions, conflicts or accumulated knots in daily life, but they are not resolved in an appropriate way, or if the husband and wife are not harmonious, do not trust, suspect or resent each other, or even if the two parties have no feelings, sex is easy to have problems.
To solve sexual problems, couples can re-examine marriage through positive communication, find out the problems existing in marriage, and make targeted adjustments; If there are difficulties in this regard, you can also find the help of sexual psychologists, actively cooperate with treatment, find out the root causes of sexual problems, face up to and effectively solve problems, so as to make a harmonious sexual life happy body and mind.
In addition, marriage needs maintenance, and usually you can also add some spices to the marriage through some attempts, thereby enhancing the feelings of husband and wife. For example, xiao bei sheng newly married, appropriately make some small separations; Create small surprises, small flirting shows, and arrange some two-person trips for the slightly older children.
Second, marriage with sex and lovelessness
Ms. Ming and Mr. Ming have been married for 5 years, she is more anxious, and Mr. Ming is more avoidant. Whenever she complained, the husband always did not argue or say, but went out, so the two could not quarrel if they wanted to quarrel.
But after Ms. Ming's emotions have passed, Mr. Ming is like nothing has happened, and the sex life of the two is very harmonious.
However, for so many years, Mr. has spent his own money, being a hand-thrower, and ignoring housework, child education, family building, etc.
Ms. Ming felt that such a marriage was very hard and sad, and she did not know whether to continue.
Sex is not an action as we understand it in the worldly sense. The connotation of sex is very broad, and it is based on the fusion and resonance of the soul and body on top of feelings.
In a loveless marriage, although there is "sex", there is no emotional flow, it is the physiological satisfaction of animal nature, it is purely a relationship of gun friends, and there is no responsibility.
In such a bad relationship, full of coldness, loneliness, confusion and suffocation, one party may feel indifferent, the other party feels physically and mentally exhausted, and eventually it will wear away the passion of life and it is difficult to persevere.
Marriage is so bad that not everyone is willing to stay in the siege of marriage, but due to the reality of the situation, many people are still struggling to stick to it. And the realistic reason that most people insist on is for the sake of children, which does make marriage a lot more helpless.
Third, loveless and sexless marriage
"My husband and I have been married for more than ten years, and we are not compatible with each other's personalities and temperaments. The husband has a terrible temper, and the quarrels and domestic violence after marriage have never stopped.
From a certain point on, there was no more arguing between us, and I put all my energy into the children.
And my husband just treats the home as a hotel, where to go never tell me, I and the child are sick will not show the slightest concern, sex life is not, of course, I also hate him to touch me.
I was so disappointed in the marriage that I felt like I couldn't hold on to it.
Why hasN't divorced for such a long time, but I can't bear to let my 10-year-old son suffer from his parents' divorce at such a young age, and even my parents and relatives have advised me not to divorce, bear with it, otherwise the child's psychology is prone to problems.
Should I keep putting up with it? I'm already disgusted with this marriage, do I have to put up with it for the sake of my children?"
Interpretation of Marital Counseling:
Between husband and wife, "sex" and "love" are indispensable, otherwise two people are likely to fall into the cage of unhappiness and can only torture each other.
In a marriage without sex and without love, marriage is like a pool of stagnant water, without waves.
You are tired of this marriage, and what bothers you seems to be whether to maintain the marriage for the sake of children, in fact, it is more about whether you can face the marriage problem directly. You can ask your heart: The reason why you choose to be together in pain is because of inner fear and lack of courage to leave marriage? Or do you use your child as an excuse?
If there is no divorce, will this poor family environment cause less harm to the children than the single-parent family?
When the marriage breaks down, it will definitely cause harm to the child, but it can still show the child a positive attitude towards life, give the child love and care, and minimize the harm to the child.
Marriages without love and sex have lost most of the meaning of marriage, and of course, if you can still find the meaning to persevere in this marriage, then you can continue to insist.
Marriage Counseling Conclusion:
Marriage is a combination of sex and love, love is the spiritual basis of marriage, and sex is the physiological basis of marriage. Marriage is incomplete without any one element.
When there is a problem in marriage, what we need to do is to find the cause and have a direction to solve the problem in a targeted manner.
In marriage, how to manage the marriage relationship well, play a good role for each other, take responsibility, constantly keep love fresh, full of love and consideration, let the marriage have tension, let each other be full of passion, this is what every couple of marriage men and women need to learn and improve.
If the marriage has broken down, we must also have the courage and courage to let go, and if there is difficulty, we can also seek the help of professional psychological counseling.
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