What does the worst marriage look like?
1, I don't want anything to give, but I want everything.
2, I have done what I should "do", but I have not received anything that I should "get".
3. Both sides are in a state of getting by, resulting in more and more dissatisfaction and more contradictions.
All divorced couples seem to have a variety of reasons for divorce, but they basically can't escape the above three reasons!
Psychology believes that people's action is based on the satisfaction of desires and interests, if it is not profitable, people's enthusiasm will be greatly reduced, or even completely disappeared.
Essentially, marriage is a partnership. Before we get married, we have to think about "what do I need from each other"!
You can picture the other person as handsome, rich, generous, or even honest; the other person can picture you as beautiful, sensible, gentle, or even simple. Overall: you always need something. So does he!
If you don't want anything, it means that you can't be interested in anything, and it means the end of the marriage, which is by no means alarmist!
The three elements of satisfying a marriage are: spiritual needs, physical needs, and material needs.
Spiritual needs are figured out that I'm happy, physical needs are figures out that I'm happy, and material needs are figures that I can live better. These are the three key points of a marriage! The other party can not meet all of them, but can not meet none of them.
All the contradictions in marriage are basically lost in "I don't want anything" or "you can't give me anything".
Think about it, when you lose your temper, is it also because the other party can't meet some of your basic conditions? Yes, just some of the most basic conditions!
For example, taking out garbage, sweeping the floor, etc., are the most basic things. When the other party can't let you have a plan, the marriage has no need to exist!
Marriage is very realistic! To be precise: each of us is realistic!
We always have to give something and then take something back. That's the reality!
Whether it is a young couple or a middle-aged marriage, the main needs of both parties often come from the most intrinsic needs. For example: pampering, caring, romance, passion, etc. These are actually the most instinctive needs of people!
"Understanding Human Nature" said: The ultimate purpose of human beings is to make up for the sense of inferiority, gain a sense of security, and pursue a sense of superiority.
Care, care, this is the most basic sense of inferiority, to gain a sense of security. Romance and passion are a phenomenon of living better on top of a sense of security, which is the satisfaction of superiority.
The more middle-aged you get, the stronger the desire for inner needs becomes!
1, at this time people are in a crisis stage: lack of energy leads to insufficient work efficiency, years of growth lead to out of shape, and even slow thinking, and so on, internal and external things, all of which further deepen our insecurity.
2, at this time, the suspicion and need for the partner will also become more profound: afraid that the other party will abandon themselves because of their increasing and visible defects.
3, the more so, the more middle-aged couples must maintain a good relationship in the marriage.
If there is a slight difference, there will definitely be a state of "wanting to leave, inseparable; thinking well, not succeeding". It's a torturous state! It will have a great impact on people's minds and spirits.
Meet each other's internal needs, this is the best "cooperation and pay"!
In middle-aged marriage, the most important thing is to maintain a good cooperation "tacit understanding", only in this way can we reduce all kinds of suspicions, and we can avoid the idea and situation of divorce.
If you can get a smooth divorce, it's actually not terrible! Fear is only afraid of children and families and years of feelings as a bundle: want to leave, can not leave; do not leave, grievances and guilt.
Complaining and blaming are the most stupid patterns of behavior in relationships!
1, often see some couples: at home to each other to shirk the task, as small as the child who to pick up, the dishes and chopsticks who to wash, and even take out some of the other party's unintentional promises: "You said yesterday that today you are going to pick up the child, your words do not count."
First of all, taking commitment seriously is the most stupid kind of thinking, and taking unintentional and perfunctory promises seriously is even more foolish!
Second, standing on the moral high ground of love, once or twice because of an emergency, you have to cancel a plan as evidence of not loving. This is obviously not a clever thinking either!
2, also saw some couples: in front of outsiders, each other "pretend to be interesting". For example: I remember you didn't do it, you must have misremembered; you see, he's bragging again, I really can't stand it...
What is even more frightening is that when such couples expose some of each other's actions and language, they feel that they are still particularly interesting and interesting, especially take care of their friends' right to know and mood, and even want to express a "you don't blame him, he is such a person" thinking, thinking that they have saved face for their husbands.
First, if you don't debunk, no one will feel ashamed of your partner. Your partner is disgraced because you are debunking it.
Second, even if his hypocritical actions and words are seen through, as long as no one debunks it, it means that everyone is taking care of your partner's face. Only you, feel that you are very interesting, very sensible, and exposing your partner is to save face for him? No! You just let everyone see the joke. No one will think that you are sensible, and no one will care what you think in your heart.
Many times, you think that you are helping each other, in fact, all the storms of the other party are because of you!
Sometimes, you think you're humorous, but in fact, you're just "tearing down the stage" and don't know it!
Habitual dismantling will only make this "cause" and this "cooperative relationship" worse and smoother to the extreme: brokenness, divorce, and divorce are inevitable. This is not a partnership, this is a "hostile relationship"!
Only by doing what you should do well can you get what you want. This is a very important "awareness"!
Satisfy the other person's sense of security and let the other person get a sense of belonging. That's the way to go! Instead of tearing down each other's stages, complaining and blaming.
No one's life is easy, and the reason why you feel that other people's lives are happy is because others deliberately behave in this way, and you only see this side of others.
If, you will be dissatisfied with your marriage because others deliberately appear happy; if, you will accuse your partner of not because of other people's words, gossip, and cold words, this is "stupidity"!
The marriage of middle-aged people maintains a good "tacit understanding of cooperation". This is necessary!
Smart people will reflect on problems, find the source, and solve problems when there are problems in marriage; people with strong hearts will certainly be able to strengthen their beliefs, not wavered by the hints of others, and will not be self-doubting, self-denial, and self-abandonment because of other people's accusations. Friend, are you such a person?