Finally, Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo divorced.
It's over the days when the chickens flew and the dogs jumped.
After signing, Xiao Lu did not leave, but sat at the door of the Civil Affairs Bureau and slapped himself.
One, two, three...
Until a complete collapse and crying.
Among them, there is self-blame, there is remorse, there is helplessness, and there is also reluctance. But in the end, it is impossible to save this love.
Even if the broken mirror is recirculated, there are cracks, not to mention, Fang Yinuo directly threw the broken mirror into the trash can, and before throwing it, he stepped on two feet in passing, not only did he not have the opportunity to reunite but also became more broken.
But who can blame this?
Whether it is the original problems in this marriage, or Xiao Lu's drunken self-inflicted wounds, it is the straw that crushes the camel.
From sweet love to one and two wide, through the phenomenon of Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's failed marriage to see the essence, this chicken flying dog jumping life is not the advice, advice and alarm bell left by the screenwriter of "Dear Child" to married women?
First: Door to door is very important
There is a passage in the novel "Jane Eyre":
Love is a game, and it must always be kept indistinguishable from each other and evenly matched.
To condense a sentence, love is the foundation of marriage, and equality with personality is the magic weapon of marriage for a long time.
Obviously, Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo were not right. Over time, the balance is out of balance.
Before marriage, Xiao Lu had no house, no car and no savings, but Fang Mu saw that he had hands and feet and knowledge, so she agreed to this family affair. But who ever thought that after marriage, the life of the two families was like a show before they met the soldiers.
Uncultured mother-in-law
After marriage, Fang Yinuo first had to face his mother-in-law who smoked, played mahjong, grinned, had no heart and lungs, and was unreliable.
After giving birth, it is necessary to wrestle with the old concept of mother-in-law, and every day is the collision of scientific parenting and traditional parenting ideas.
The result? One is free to do what I want, and the other is helpless to endure suffering.
Uneducated mother-in-law insists on wearing a hundred clothes and eating a hundred meals, insisting that the sister-in-law is an outsider, and insisting that children are not so exquisite. Therefore, it is time to smoke and smoke, to shake your head, to remember the past without a word:
I brought Xiao Lu and Xiao Xu up by myself, holding one in front and one in the back, didn't I also come over? Kids aren't that particular!
The woman's meticulousness, the man's sloppiness, and the collision of ideas directly affect the harmony in life.
Unreasonable little uncle
Even if there is a mother-in-law who does not listen to advice, there is also a little uncle who is not small but cannot do without his mother. Treat his brother's home as his own home, don't let smoking steal, and quarrel with his sister-in-law's mother's family without a word, and the whole process is not clear.
Unreasonable, uneducated, useless scoundrels, these labels seem to be engraved on the face of the little uncle. Every word and deed, every move, is full of unreasonable flavor.
A husband who is mentally incompatible
The difficult mother-in-law and little uncle have become a stumbling block to Fang Yinuo's happy marriage, and the spirit of not fitting with her husband is the biggest obstacle on the road to this marriage.
Fang Yinuo was born in a happy family of intellectuals, and from an early age, he did not worry about eating and wearing, and was held in the palm of his hand by his parents and mother.
But Xiao Lu is the complete opposite, when he first went to college, his father died, which made the family that was not rich even worse, and he experienced the taste of poverty as a teenager, and could only secretly swear to let everyone look up to him.
Under such unequal material conditions, the personalities and needs of the two people have also quietly changed.
Fang Yinuo, who has been surrounded by love since childhood, pays more attention to the companionship of his other half, while Xiao Lu, who lacks money since childhood, attaches more importance to material satisfaction.
One pursues love, one pursues money, and it does not fit spiritually, and it will not go far.
At the same time, Xiao Lu watched his mother pull him and his brother together with hard work all the way, and his heart felt more heartache, and he was more tolerant and partial to his brother.
Even if you get married, you will borrow your brother's money like a "brother demon", and the other party will not pay it back, which is a matter of course.
The spiritual incompatibility is like a chasm, separating Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu farther and farther.
A more stark contrast is that at Hehe's first birthday banquet, a banquet vividly reflected the gap between the wrong door and the wrong household.
The affairs of the first birthday feast are all handled by the woman, and the in-laws are like guests, and the practice is more chilling than one.
Xiao Lu was late in coming, like attending a friend's banquet; the mother-in-law was giving three hundred gifts, which was not as weighty as the neighbor's two hundred pieces; the little uncle who had achieved nothing was only responsible for eating the whole time.
Whether it was the material level or the spiritual level, the Fang family and the Xiao family were very different. These seemingly trivial little things consume the feelings between them.
The door-to-door pair is the material reciprocity and the spiritual fit.
However, Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu did not run on a runway from beginning to end, gradually drifting apart and eventually separating from each other.
Marriage is the union of two families, before marriage not only to find a suitable lover, but also to find a suitable in-laws.
Second: think about having another child
The selection of people needs to polish their eyes, marriage needs to be cautious, and especially when having children.
The data shows that the average annual abortion population in the mainland is about 13 million, and the repeat abortion rate is 55.9%. Under the huge data, it is worth everyone to think about.
Children are innocent, and deciding whether or not to have children is a responsibility not only for the individual but also for the family and society.
In "Dear Child", Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu only decided to give birth to the child, but they were not ready to meet the child.
Without preparation, Fang Yinuo, who was pregnant, ate takeaway, slept on the sofa, and continued to work. Husband works during the day, the mother-in-law can only play mahjong, she has no one to take care of her with a big belly, and the quality of life cannot be guaranteed.
Survive until the child is born, and bigger trouble comes.
During production, Fang Yinuo was in chaos, and Xiao Lu did not have any sense of substitution, drinking and watching TV at home and sleeping.
After giving birth, Fang Yinuo was incontinent, and Xiao Lu, who did not have any psychological preparation, was deeply stimulated.
Tidying up dirty clothes should be tilted with orchid fingers, minimizing the contact area, and disinfecting back and forth many times afterwards, reflecting disgust in every small action.
After being discharged from the hospital, two parenting children with empty heads were helpless in the face of such a child who cried all day long. Ask the nanny to be unreliable, let the mother-in-law take care of and can't get along, let the mother take care of and delay each other's work.
Finally, the nanny left, the mother-in-law came, and the mother retired early. But when the mother-in-law meets the mother, the problem escalates and the contradictions become more.
The arrival of a child makes everyone panic, there is no clear division of labor, the whole family is busy with chickens and dogs, all the rhythm of life is disrupted, home is not like home, days are not like days.
In the face of uncontrollable and chaotic life, the words are full of complaints about the mother's pregnancy urging behavior.
All in all, if you are not mentally prepared, do not choose to have children. Otherwise, it will affect not only the lives of two people, but the lives of two families.
If there is no arrival of the child, if everyone is ready to meet the child and the division of labor is clear, Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's marriage will not be broken in the first year of the child's birth.
Third: no matter how difficult it is, you can't sleep in separate beds
Zhou Xiaopeng, an emotional expert in "Love Defense War", once mentioned that in marriage, women cannot refuse the help of their husbands to carry everything alone, let alone let their husbands move out.
This is not her personal subjective opinion, but has a scientific basis.
In psychology, there is a "physical and mental companionship system", that is, physical warmth and proximity can greatly promote the psychological intimacy between husband and wife. Psychological intimacy can also promote intimacy at the physical level of husband and wife.
In short: Sleeping in the same bed is a virtuous circle of intimacy with each other.
Conversely, couples sleeping in separate beds is the catalyst for emotional breakdown.
Whether it is the same bed and the same quilt, or the same back to back, it is the beginning of the breakdown of the marriage. This was reflected in Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu.
After the birth of the child, in order to facilitate the care, Fang Yinuo drove Xiao Lu to sleep on the sofa. As time went on, even she herself felt angry.
In the middle of the month, Xiao Lu kissed her, and she would subconsciously avoid it.
Fang Yinuo regarded Xiao Lu as the least worthy person, and Xiao Lu gradually turned his home into a hotel. All these paved the way for Xiao Lu's infidelity in the later period and laid the groundwork for the breakdown of the marriage.
In life, there are not a few wives like Fang Yinuo who push their husbands out.
Either the husband snoring affects the child's sleep and throws the other person out. Or for the husband's consideration, do not want the child to disturb the rest of the other party, take the initiative to sleep with the other party.
In the end, either the husband cheats, or the husband does not participate in family activities, always thinking that taking care of the children is the wife's business.
Through these vivid examples, married women should remember that the relationship between husband and wife is higher than the parent-child relationship. In this world, only the other half will accompany themselves to the end, and their parents and children will leave and go away.
Fourth: Refuse to overdo it and prevent widowed marriages
In addition to refusing to sleep in separate beds, women should keep one more point in mind - refusing to overdo it.
There are always some women who force themselves to become superhuman wives or superhuman mothers, choosing to carry the chores of life alone and use their husbands as decorations.
But in exchange for the other half's incomprehension and reasonableness, if one day can not do something, it will become their own mistakes. Gradually, he fell into a vicious circle of complaining and complaining, and unconsciously stepped into a widowed marriage.
Learn to show weakness, let the husband participate in family activities and give encouragement, and refuse to work hard and be unflattering.
Just like Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu, Fang Yinuo, who picked the beam alone, could not control his marriage and fell into the abyss, and he had to boil himself into a complaining woman who would explode at one point.
The fault is that she is too capable, and the two of them wrapped up all the things of Hehe, so that Xiao Lu, who had no sense of substitution, completely became a hand-throwing treasurer.
Then, when he needs companionship and help, Xiao Lu is either sleeping or working outside. When Hehe was sick and needed to use the car, Xiao Lu did not answer the phone.
Men are like kites, easy to fly, difficult to retract.
One of the more impressive things is that when Fang Yinuo was waiting for delivery in the hospital, after Xiao Lu received a work call, Fang Yinuo took the initiative to let him leave, instead of letting him stay with him.
Too sensible, but will be exchanged for the other party's lack of attention. Similarly, being too real will add to your own blockage.
During the month, Fang Yinuo was hungry, and Xiao Lu, who had been busy for a day, rushed to cook and make noodles. As a result, Fang Yinuo just took a bite and began to complain that there was no salt, and even more so:
When the other half takes the initiative to participate in housework and take the initiative to take care of themselves, what women should do is not to pour cold water on their faces and urgently deny each other's efforts, but to learn to encourage.
In this way, the other party can taste the joy of success and being praised after labor, and only then can the other party be more willing to pay.
Less strong and complaining, more communication and understanding, rather than cross-brow cold accusations, it is better to be gentle and praise.
Fifth: Retain some sensitivity on the basis of trust
Although trust is the foundation of marriage, it is not stupid enough to be unsuspecting. Fang Yinuo trusted the other party too much to give Xiao Lu the opportunity to lie and cheat.
When she was pregnant, Xiao Lu ate a bowl of noodles with chili peppers outside, but when she returned home, she lied and did not eat. Looking at Xiao Lu, who had not even eaten a few bites of a bowl of white water surface after a busy day, Fang Yinuo did not even have any doubts.
During the month, Fang Yinuo felt that he had not bathed for many days and did not let Xiao Lu touch it, and Xiao Lu joked that he wanted to go outside to find the little girl. As a result, Fang Yinuo did not have any doubts, and this matter was completely ignored.
It is because he trusts each other too much, and when Xiao Lu spends the night outside many times without sticking to his family on the grounds of work, Fang Yinuo feels that the other party is too hard.
In the middle of the night, Xiao San called directly, and Xiao Lu was frightened and hung up. Whether it is the time of the call or the panicked look, you can see the hint, but Fang Yinuo on the side is not aware of it.
To what extent can Fang Yinuo trust the other party?
When her mother reminded her to watch Xiao Lu, she actually thought that her mother was too suspicious.
However, Xiao Lu did not deserve this trust.
Thus it can be seen that marriage needs to turn a blind eye, not to look at each other too closely, nor to trust each other unreservedly, but to be more sensitive on the basis of trust.
There is no 100 percent "impossible" and no indestructible commitment, and proper vigilance is responsible for oneself.
Sixth: Don't pass on your misfortune to your children
Xiao Lu cheated, he could have hidden this matter from the sea, but unexpectedly encountered a "hard stubble".
The young and beautiful Zhu Zhu pestered Xiao Lu, not how much she loved each other, but the long-term psychological repression led to emotional distortion.
With the husband of a woman, he also shamelessly ran to the child's birthday party to make a big fuss, and behind this tragedy was inseparable from a person - Zhu Zhu's mother.
Zhu Zhu's mother experienced a failed marriage, hated her unfaithful ex-husband to the bone, and after the divorce, she not only did not let her daughter see each other, but also controlled Zhu Zhu's death in the palm of her hand.
No makeup, no lipstick, no late return, no casual love, no...
Obviously, Mother Zhu passed on her unhappiness to marriage and her distrust and complaints about men to her children, casting a deep shadow on her children's lives.
She herself, on the other hand, was unconscious.
Under such a long period of emotional repression, Zhu Zhu is a well-behaved woman on the surface, but in fact she is extremely rebellious. She likes the feeling of crossing the line, even a little obsessed, as if only rebellion can live herself and regain the sense of freedom that has been missing for many years.
Falling in love with Xiao Lu is her first step towards "freedom".
Zhu Zhu was able to have this day because of Zhu Ma's fault.
Like Ning's mother in "Meet the Season", her obsession with the Jane family directly leads to the distortion of her son Ning Shu's personality, and she cannot get out of the shadow of revenge for decades. Mother Ning not only harmed herself, but also harmed her children.
Parents' education is extremely important for the development of children's personality, in addition to Zhu Zhuma's control education, the following three kinds of education should be avoided as soon as possible.
First, guilt-based education.
The main manifestation is that parents output the idea of "I do this, not for you" to their children when they disagree.
Over time, the child becomes a flattering personality, actively pandering to the needs of others and forgetting himself, and even developing a deep sense of guilt.
Typical character - Song Qian (Tao Hong) in "Little Joy".
Second, threatening parenting.
The main manifestation is that parents verbally threaten their children, such as: If you disobey again, I will take you....
Under such education, children are sensitive and inferior and insecure, and they are only promised to do things for fear of upsetting each other.
Typical character - Tian Yulan (Jiang Xin) in "Little Shede".
Third, talk about conditional education.
Some parents always like to talk about conditions for their children, often with the idea of "If you are... I'll just..." to restrain the child. However, as everyone knows, such an education method has seriously affected the autonomy of children.
Zhu Zhu's steps are wrong, inseparable from her mother's desire to control.
It is difficult to have children, and it is even more difficult to educate children, but remember that children are not appendages, but independent individuals, and do not bring their misfortunes to children.
Seventh: the mother's family is the biggest confidence of a woman after marriage
Fang Yinuo's marriage with Xiao Lu was breaking down, full of helplessness. But Fang Yinuo's parents' approach is very warm.
When Fang Yinuo gave birth, his mother accompanied him. After giving birth, the mother retired two years early just to help her with the children.
Xiao San forced the palace, Fang Yinuo's marriage went to break down, the mother did not say anything to fully stand on the side of the daughter, and the father even pressed the elevator to block Xiao Lu outside, protecting the injured daughter to the greatest extent.
Xiao Lu and his friends took turns to persuade at home, and his mother and father insisted on a tough attitude of not forgiving, leaving the last face and decency for Fang Yinuo.
Fang Yinuo made up his mind to divorce, and his mother respected her ideas after careful persuasion. Dad bought her favorite crayfish the next day and told her to go home for dinner in the evening.
Why was Fang Yinuo able to leave at the first birthday party, and why could he make a decision at will? This is inseparable from the confidence given by the mother's family.
With the support, tolerance and encouragement of her parents, Fang Yinuo is not afraid of the difficulties ahead, and there is no need to be angry at her in-laws' house, she just needs to please herself.
If the mother's family has a weak attitude and forces the right daughter to admit her mistake and return, Fang Yinuo can neither care about his own feelings nor the respect of the in-laws.
The attitude of the mother's family is the bottom line of the in-laws' family.
Seeing fang's father and mother's support for their daughters, it is like seeing the British public's love for their daughters in "Do you know if it should be green fat red skinny".
The unconditional support and tolerance of the mother's family is the greatest happiness and confidence of married women.
No matter when, you can't treat your mother's family badly, this is blood!
Eighth: The mother-in-law will always protect her son
Xiao Lu's ugly incident was exposed, revealing the difference between the mother's family and the in-laws' family.
The mother's family did their best to protect their daughter, while the in-laws did everything in their power to protect their son.
After the mother-in-law learned about it, she beat and scolded Xiao Lu and personally took him to his own home to apologize. At the beginning, he punished himself with three cups of criticism to his son, trying to get forgiveness from his relatives.
However, when the family began to count down Xiao Lu, the scene became a calf protection performance competition.
A look of "my son can only be said by me", without the slightest sincerity of apology, all of which are excuses for my son.
Including the mother-in-law who came to the door to send Fang Yinuo her favorite dishes, it was also for her son.
On the surface, it is not to persuade Fang Yinuo to compound, but from her snot and tears to tell her bitter history of being alone with a baby for so many years, you can also hear the clues.
There is no mention of compounding everywhere, but everywhere it is implied: it is not easy for a woman to divorce and take a baby.
His son made a mistake but wanted to let the woman forgive, but on the surface of the apology, he could not allow others to say more. Such a mother-in-law has only a son in her heart, and the mother-in-law will only protect her son.
The mother-in-law's similar approach is far from this, when Fang Yinuo gave birth, the mother-in-law did not think about the daughter-in-law but the placenta, and it was not the daughter-in-law but the granddaughter who went to the ward to see.
Compared with her mother, who always pays attention to and takes care of herself, Fang Yinuo's mother-in-law cares more about her son and granddaughter, which is exactly what she said: The daughter-in-law is always an outsider in front of her mother-in-law.
Ninth: If the marriage fails, you must also live out your own life
Before the divorce, Fang Yinuo gave Xiao Lu a chance.
Once, after Xiao Lu sent him home, Fang Yinuo wanted to forgive, but Xiao Lu turned his face to see Zhu Zhu and was arrested. Once at the Civil Affairs Bureau, Fang Yinuo gave him time to repent, but Xiao Lu had already signed after a phone call.
Both opportunities were ignored, and Fang Yinuo was completely dead hearted.
It is precisely because of these two times that she wants to understand that she cannot expect the other party to change, and only by turning away can she meet a new life.
Otherwise it's endless, cheating, apologizing, forgiving...
From unconditional trust to rupture, Fang Yinuo chose the wrong marriage. But even though it was difficult to carry the baby alone, she did not give up on herself.
Together with his parents, he pulled up hehe, had a stable job, kept his life in order, and lived out his own life.
Marriage was chosen wrongly, but instead of giving up life and not destroying itself, it lived soberly and independently.
Such a Fang Yinuo has set an example for the vast number of female audiences.
Divorce is not terrible, the terrible thing is to give up on yourself.
Through the failed marriage of Fang YinuoXiao road, watching "Dear Child" reveals the truth of marriage luck or misfortune, and the revelation to married women, it is like taking a marriage lesson.
Summarizing the reasons to avoid the "roadblock" is still bright ahead, and I hope that every woman who enters marriage can gain something.