"The deeds of filial piety are also intimate, and the dwelling is respectful, the nourishment is happy, and the illness causes sorrow." This is a sentence in the "Filial Piety Sutra Ji Filial Piety". It probably means that children should serve their parents in their daily homes, respect their parents; in their eating life, they should maintain a pleasant mood to take care of them; and their parents should take care of them with a worried mood when they are sick.
The "raising is happy" in this shows that true filial piety should be to obey the wishes of parents and make parents feel comfortable and happy. If everything is decided by the children, on the surface, you have done a good job of supporting your parents, but your parents are unhappy, it is not really filial piety.
There is also a sentence in the Book of Rites: "The pension of filial piety is also happy and does not violate his will." It also shows that to be truly good to parents, it is necessary to make them feel happy and happy from the heart, not against their wishes. But the true filial piety in this is confused by many foolish filial piety people.
Parents raise their children to grow up, as children, in the parents' old age, whether out of affection or out of return, it is necessary to support parents, so that parents have a happy old age, it is also appropriate. As a child, it is normal to want to obey your parents and make your parents happy. But if your parents' requirements are excessive, do you, as a child, still choose to continue to obey and affect your marriage?
Speaking of which, although I have heard of many parental eccentricities and children's foolishness, I always think that there is an exaggeration. I stubbornly believe that the love of parents for their children is innate, and even if a bowl of water is uneven, it will not be too outrageous. And the filial piety of children to their parents is also deserved, you raise me small, I should naturally raise you old. As an adult, a child will not be happy for the sake of his parents, even if there is no fairness to speak of, and blindly obey.
I always feel that these things are the children's own white-eyed wolves, unwilling to bear the responsibility of old-age care, and push the problem to their parents. I thought that was an excuse for my children, until I myself experienced something like this, and I finally understood that there are indeed unqualified parents in this world, and they are indeed eccentric. It is also true that there are foolish children who blindly obey their parents in order to be filial to their parents. And I, in the end, became the unfilial daughter-in-law of the in-laws.
My husband and I met each other on a blind date, and my parents didn't really agree with the marriage at that time. The reason is simple, my husband also has a younger brother. My parents told me that they were also parents, and they understood that the palms of their hands and the backs of their hands were meat, which was actually ridiculous, because the meat on the back of their hands was still less than the palm of their hands. And my future little uncle is outside, the so-called far away smell, parents will naturally prefer children outside.
I don't recognize that I'm a person, in all emotional relationships, still quite emotional. Because of my insistence, coupled with the fact that my in-laws are indeed "well educated", I have instilled in my husband's concept since I was a child, and my husband insists that my parents cannot make mistakes. So as long as the in-laws are on the surface and in the general direction, they do not show obvious favoritism over the other, and most people cannot feel that my in-laws are actually eccentric parents.
Of course, what ultimately made my parents compromise was that I was not an only child, and I had a younger brother. I said that you think that you treat me and my brother equally, but in the eyes of outsiders, they will also worry about whether I will be a "brother support demon", in fact, I am in the same situation as my object. In this way, my parents were finally persuaded by me to marry my husband. As I mentioned earlier, my in-laws are good at superficial kung fu, and my marriage process is almost the same as that of my little uncle who married two years before us.
If you have to compare strictly, even our wedding is better, so my parents can't find anything to blame, and I don't think I married the wrong person. But in fact, the in-laws' unfairness to their two sons has already begun from this incident. Because of the marriage of the little uncle, all the money borne by the in-laws does not need to be repaid by the little brother-in-law's two sons. And the money spent on our marriage, my husband needs to pay it back, which is equivalent to asking his parents to borrow it.
Of course, I don't know about this, which is why I say that my husband is foolish to his parents. Because he believes that whether it is right or wrong, what his parents propose must be obeyed, which is true filial piety. After marriage, we lived with our in-laws and mother-in-law, and the little uncle's family has always been out of town, and comes back at most once a year, that is to say, usually we are the couple who take care of the elderly.
My mother-in-law told me at the beginning that the younger son was out of town, so the matter of taking care of his parents could only be borne by the two of us, and then because of this, we gave a little less monthly living expenses. In fact, to put it bluntly, everyone knows that taking care of the elderly is a thankless thing, if you can choose, I would rather give a little more living expenses than the current situation.
But the elders have already put the words on the table, and they also specifically said that the little uncle gave more living expenses because he could not take care of his parents nearby. My mother-in-law also said that she still had savings in her hands and would not particularly trouble us. If I'm not happy, I'm extra preoccupied. But who could have imagined that these are all things that the mother-in-law said, in fact, the little uncle not only did not give living expenses, but often asked for money from the mother-in-law, and all this, my husband knows.
After marriage my money was used to cover the daily living expenses, my husband's money, he said to save. He knew I wanted to own my own house, so to say save money to buy a house, I would definitely agree, plus his salary was a little higher than mine, and it was no problem to use his income as savings. I got married to live a good life, to grow old with a white head. I think that husband and wife should be one, and everyone's money is common property, so I don't feel that I can hardly save much money every month, what a big problem. But I was ultimately let down.
Although we were not prepared to have children at first, this matter was brought up by my husband, who originally intended to pay off the marriage money to his mother-in-law first. I was worried that after I had children, I would be more anxious to buy a house, and then the fact that he did not have a dime of savings would be discovered by me. So he used the excuse of two years of two years of two people's world and saving a little more money to buy a house, so I agreed to postpone my pregnancy. But later, after I learned the truth, I was quite fortunate that he was crooked to avoid me having children and filing for divorce.
For two years, I basically took care of my in-laws and mother-in-law, especially my mother-in-law was hospitalized several times, and I also took leave to take care of them. Although I was a little uncomfortable in my heart, I felt that I was a junior, and I was filial piety for my husband, not to mention that I agreed with my mother-in-law's proposal to give us less living expenses and then take care of a little more.
It wasn't until this time that my mother-in-law got sick and needed surgery that I realized how unworthy my efforts were all along. After my mother-in-law was hospitalized, as before, I took a leave of absence to take care of her, but why did something go wrong this time? Because of the operation this time, I didn't have enough money in my hand, but I forgot about it at the time, and when I paid, I also habitually took the card to withdraw the money. It wasn't until I saw the balance displayed on the screen that I realized that I didn't have enough money, and I thought that the amount of the surgery fee was also large, and it couldn't be borne by our family as before.
In this way, I took my bank card back to the ward, wanted to replace my husband, let him go back to rest, and withdraw money, only to hear a conversation between my mother-in-law and my husband. My husband was asking her mother-in-law: "Mom, in case there is not enough money in my daughter-in-law's bank card, I will do it, but my money is all given to you." My heart sank, and my mother-in-law then replied: "You really haven't shown up, won't you find an excuse to let her borrow a little from her mother's family first?" What does it mean that your money has been given to me? That's the money you owe when you get married, and the love that your brother helps your brother with. ”
After listening to the conversation between the two, I realized that my in-laws were completely eccentric parents, just pretending to be fair. My husband, on the other hand, had been brainwashed by his mother-in-law and was completely unaware of what was wrong. Instead of going in the door and arguing, I went straight home, and my husband called me a few hours later and asked me why I didn't pay the fee and why I didn't come to take care of my mother-in-law. I smiled and said, "Not only is there no money, no one will come, you only deserve a divorce certificate." ”
True filial piety is to make parents happy, that is, everything is in accordance with the wishes of parents, and parents can naturally be happy. Such logic is applicable to clear, reasonable parents. In case you encounter a parent who is confused and eccentric, if you still insist that obeying your parents in everything is the real filial piety, then your filial piety is mostly foolish filial piety. Because such parents only "use" you, and have no true feelings. Are you sure you want to trade marriage for your filial piety?
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