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"The Biography of Zhen Huan": "In the time to come, I am still waiting for a person to come, allow me rough tea and light rice, and allow me a hug that does not go." ”
Everyone has an obsession in their hearts, sometimes more than one. There will be many kinds of attachments to emotions alone, and there will be different attachments to love, friendship, and affection.
Attachment is a desire rooted in the depths of the heart, sometimes without even knowing where the root cause is. This desire is difficult to eliminate, even if some people seem to give up attachment and choose a life they don't want, it doesn't mean that attachment is gone, it's just covered up.
The obsession that has not disappeared, once it encounters the right opportunity, will break through like a seed meeting the right climate. It will play a different role according to the existing life of different people: if life conforms to attachment, it will continue, otherwise it is possible to follow the direction of attachment again.
The following reader has an obsession with marriage, let's see how her obsession is revealed.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
There are many talks about marriage, it's dizzying, and sometimes you don't know who to listen to.
I have also had such a chaotic stage, and I have my own insistence, but after listening to other people's words, I seem to feel that it makes sense, so I start to go a different way.
But in the end, I found that it was the most reliable to go my own way. The way others show you is based on their standards, and many are not for you. Only the path you choose based on your own standards is the path that suits you.
Maybe it's an obsession! I always feel that the most important thing in marriage is the relationship between husband and wife, as long as the husband and wife relationship is not broken, as long as my husband is getting better and better for me, I can always stick to it.
That's why I was opposed by a lot of people when I got married and ended up marrying my husband. The naysayers only told me I shouldn't marry him, but none of them told me who I should marry and where that person was. If I listen to them, where do I go to find the right person for me? At the end of the day, I still need to make my own choices.
Of course, attachment alone is not enough, because it only helps you determine who you should love, but it does not help you remove all the obstacles in your marriage.
The biggest obstacle in our marriage was my mother-in-law. She can't love me like my husband, and I certainly can't love her like my husband.
But this obstacle did not destroy our marriage, but made our relationship stronger. My mother-in-law may not have dreamed that she bullied me, which will only make my husband love me more.
For example, when we faced the problem of "bringing children", the mother-in-law was unwilling to help us with the children, saying that she had no obligation, saying who gave birth to who brought them; later, when my mother helped us with the children, she put forward such a request: "When your mother takes the child, take care of the little uncle by the way!" ”
Although I was not inferior to her and let her get away, using the phrase she said, "Who gives birth to who brings", it does not make my husband think that I do not understand things. Because he knew that I was trying to solve the problem, and my mother-in-law was only trying to take advantage.
From this, we can see that my husband really loves me. He does not have machismo, he is not a mother, he is not foolish, he will not be black and white, but he can "help without helping".
Although he was not able to stop my mother-in-law from bullying me, but he could make up for my grievances with love and keep our feelings conserved, I had no reason to be angry with him and leave him.
This is in line with my original obsession, in line with my expectations of him, in line with my original intention of choosing him as my husband, as long as this is not a problem, I will still be like the beginning, even if everyone opposes, I will not easily leave him. Choosing a lover with obsession, and then treating marriage with obsession, I think that only in this way can we realize the long-cherished wish of white heads and old age. Do you say yes?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
There are right and wrong obsessions about feelings, some reasonable, some unreasonable.
It's not that as long as you have an obsession with feelings, you are destined to be happy. Wrong attachments can create wrong feelings, and the more you insist on it, the less happy you become. Only reasonable obsession can create a happy marriage.
There is nothing wrong with the woman above's obsession, and although her obsession is limited to finding a good husband and does not extend to other issues, it is enough. There is no perfect marriage in the world, and it is already good that a marriage can have a solid fulcrum and support you to go on.
She firmly believes that as long as men are reasonable, as long as there is no machismo, as long as they are not foolish and filial piety, as long as they can help or help their relatives, they are good men, and it turns out that this is indeed the case, which can support her to go on.
With such a reasonable obsession, it is best to follow your own obsession to find a lover, so as to ensure that you do not regret it and are responsible for your own choices.
And if you have a reasonable obsession but do not insist, take the road specified by others for you, once you are not satisfied, you will remember your obsession, and you will regret that you did not follow your own obsession to carry out marriage.