Author | Tao Ruosu
Do you feel this way?
Getting married and having children is like a game of "out-of-control players".
As long as you join, you can never guess the plot can be outrageous.
For example, if the wife gives birth to a child, it is common sense that the husband will definitely stand outside the delivery room door and wait for you to come out.
But in reality, your husband is gone.
We also learned from the nurse that he threw down the prostrate you and sent the placenta to your mother.
This is the opening of the hit drama "Dear Child", this kind of magical and real plot experience, it is simply the conscience restoration of "ideal marriage PK realistic marriage".
No wonder netizens called out: like a camera installed in my home.
Contrary to wishes, unsatisfactory, pain that only people in marriage understand, and differences in concepts of relationship, parenting, two families and two generations.
We have no choice but to catch up, in confusion and confusion, to explore the meaning of marriage.
Moments of helplessness, the other half is always absent
If you have not cried bitterly in the middle of the night, it is not enough to talk about life.
Well, not being helpless in marriage is not enough to talk about feelings.
We were all confident that we would be able to run a good family with our own ability.
But the reality is like the "Dear Child" drama, there is no good teammate, happy life do not dream.
Fang Yinuo was about to give birth, but her husband Xiao Lu received an overtime call, and she asked her husband to go busy first.
Originally it was a polite sentence, in the fertility festival, which husband can not open his eyes.
But the husband really left unceremoniously, leaving her helpless, muttering to herself: Really gone.
The pain of opening the bone, the choice of smooth and dissected, the advent of new life... How anxious you are, how helpless you are.
Major events in life can be absent, not to mention the small things in life.
Just a few days after being discharged from the hospital, Yinuo had a sore throat late at night, and he did not dare to move because of the wound, and wanted his husband to pour a glass of water, but he could not wake up.
The familiar scene came to mind, after all, which mother has not been chilled by her husband's high-quality sleep.
No matter how much the child cries, it has nothing to do with him, as if the child was brought by his own remarriage.
How ironic.
The man who talks about taking care of you all your life can really live a life and can't even count on drinking water.
Yinuo was curious, did the man's mobile phone have an "emergency shielding" device installed? Always cleverly avoids calls for help, perfect absence.
Daughter Hehe has a fever of 39 degrees at night, and as a mother, she is worried that she is going crazy.
Hurry to call my husband to go to the hospital, but my husband is like evaporation in the world, and no one can contact him.
For Mom, do you know what it's like?
It's chills, disappointment, not understanding. Subconsciously, it is deep self-doubt.
What is the marriage diagram?
When it was time to appear, people were not in place. When it is time to accompany, the heart is absent.
A home, two people, should be teammates who fight side by side, partners who support each other, and warm lovers to each other.
And the man responds to you with practical actions, he is just an outsider.
Husbands will never understand what a prolonged absence means to a woman.
It was self-persuasion again and again, and then self-denial, and with forgiveness again and again, the heart became more and more indifferent.
Family conflict mediation, choose silence
Marrying a person is equivalent to marrying a family, and for this sentence, I can't agree with it.
Another trigger for unhappy marriage is often the unclear mother-in-law and the foolish son.
Unfortunately, Fang Yinuo won.
The mother-in-law came to serve the confinement, smoked in the kitchen, and coveted playing mahjong while walking the baby, causing her granddaughter to almost be injured.
However, due to the identity of the daughter-in-law, in the face of such an unreliable mother-in-law, even if she is frightened, it is not easy to blame.
A responsible husband can stand up at this time and point out the stakes with his mother, will there still be family conflicts?
Unfortunately, not all men have this feature.
Xiao Lu gently asked his mother to go back, and after being trained by his mother, he did not make a sound.
He never thought about how much his wife should be lost at this time.
At Yinuo's house, the little uncle came to eat and drink, because he smoked at home and burned a hole in the curtain, and the two families finally went to war.
The whole family waits for her husband to say a fair word, but her husband is extremely aggrieved: after a day of coaxing the old, coaxing the small, I care about everyone, but no one cares about me.
Seeing my husband crying, Yinuo apologized bitterly, but I felt sorry for her.
Perhaps because of the identity of filial piety, men will reject their mothers as hurt, but in fact, there is any overnight feud between mother and son.
However, between husband and wife, they will be estranged and close because of their side.
The book "Why Family Hurts" points out that if the relationship between husband and wife is the core of the family and has the first say, then the family will be as stable as a rock.
Unfortunately, many men don't understand.
Marriage is the brave separation of husband and wife from the original family, and after the formation of a new family, a new order is established.
If not, a little wind and waves in the marriage can blow the small family apart.
When the marriage does not match expectations, become a deserter
If the husband and wife can work together and go hand in hand, there will be hope for the difficult days.
Afraid is afraid that the partner he personally chose will become a deserter in marriage.
Yinuo had a hard time putting his daughter to sleep, letting Xiao Lu tap when he returned, and he didn't want to complain, so he slept in the car.
Yinuo asked Xiao Lu to read stories with his children at night, and Xiao Lu pointed to the schedule and said apologetically: Overtime, can't push.
After all, in the outside world, pushing cups and changing cups, relaxed and comfortable, is much more comfortable than the wife's nagging all day.
Having dinner with his friend Xie Tianhua, he has been complaining that after the birth of the child, there is no day of peaceful life.
Dad feels depressed and suffocated, does mom like chickens flying and dogs jumping, and dealing with and all day long?
If marriage can be compared, who is more ruthless to go away, then the mother must lose.
It's not that we can't win, it's that we don't have a choice.
There is a detail in the film that when Xiao Lu and Yinuo took their daughter to get vaccinated, the milk powder was gone.
Xiao Lu went to make milk powder, because there was too little time with the child, he was clumsy and clumsy, and he was accidentally scalded by hot water.
At this time, Yinuo appeared, couldn't help but sigh, took the bottle and rinsed it skillfully.
For that brief moment, they didn't have a word, but a thousand words in each other's hearts.
The helpless expression was the root of his dare not face his family.
But for Yinuo, even washing the bottle has to be done by himself, and the marriage that no one shares is tired.
Everyone's expectations of marriage are different, and their tolerance to reality is also different.
The Book The Truth About Marriage says that marriage is troublesome because we mistakenly assume that we have a more harmonious marriage without effort.
But reality has proved that there is no happiness that falls from the sky, only things in man-made efforts.
Most mothers see the truth, for the sake of their children, and face the mess of life.
Some fathers, on the other hand, use making money as an excuse to avoid the family responsibilities they should bear.
People can leave, but responsibility does not disappear.
What one person does not have to bear is nothing more than another bearing for you.
Changing beliefs is the beginning of happiness
"Dear Little Child" is not so much a marriage dissuasion film as it is a marriage documentary.
It truly shows the cruel side of marriage, about compromise, helplessness, sacrifice, choice, pain, and where we should go.
Just like Xiao Lu, he was always at a loss for words, and he couldn't get recognition for what he did.
Just like Yinuo, in countless late nights, accompanied by tears, sleeping with loneliness.
Just like Fang's mother, who retired 2 years early, worried about watching her children, and had to listen to her daughter's complaints.
Just like the mother-in-law, for the sake of her son not to divorce, she swallowed her anger and apologized to her relatives.
This is an objective fact that cannot be changed, it will only happen, it will not stop.
Changing subjective beliefs is the key to solving the dilemma.
Try to let go of expectations and not take everything for granted, but everything is hard-won.
In marriage, we don't have to see marital happiness as our responsibility.
If the satisfaction of the family requires one person to ask for it and one person to play, this false harmony will always show the horse's feet.
Maintain inner clarity, dare to admit the difficulty of marriage, the trouble of parenting, the drop of the chain of teammates, the weakness of the self, our marriage has the motivation and space to grow.
There has never been a mature intimate relationship, only an awakening of growth.
Christopher Meng, a veteran life coach in the United States, said: After we grow up because of understanding, the meaning of the word responsibility has also changed from sin and shame to response and freedom.
Perhaps breaking the truth is the first step in discovering the truth.
Optimistically, this is a compulsory course for marriage to move forward.
Pessimistically speaking, only acceptance, marriage is not a bitter sea.
May we all be heroes of marriage, occasionally disappointed, but never give up hope of happiness.
—— End ——
Author: Tao Ruosu, a SOHO mother who loves to read, psychological counselor. I firmly believe that "Dad is the pillar of the family, and Mom is the spiritual fortress of the family". Share parenting, marriage and family, and grow. Some of the pictures are from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the original author.