Zang Hongfei said in "Strange Story": "We need marriage, we hope that there is someone who can accompany us to fight against the world." ”
In a person's life, there will inevitably be many tribulations, if a person spends a long rest of his life, you will feel very lonely, feel powerless, we need to find someone to deal with the challenges of life with us.
This person must have a common goal with us, so that we can work with him to move towards this goal.
As Xue Zhaofeng said in "Strange Story": marriage, is to run a family business, signed, is a lifetime wholesale futures contract, both sides together to pick up their own resources to run a business, this time the resource package given by both men and women is not the same, there is a body, fertility, appearance, family relationships, and their own future growth potential.
Husbands and wives are originally forest birds, they should share the hardships of life and death, take out the existing resources in their hands, pay the painstaking efforts they should pay, and work towards the common goal, so that both people can get what they want from marriage, rather than just caring about their own feelings regardless of the feelings of the other half, and the great disaster is coming.
If in your eyes, only your own interests, do some things that harm others and benefit yourself, and base your happiness on the pain of your other half, your marriage will come to an end, and you are only suitable to be a lonely person.
Don't think that your other half has no temper and is a bully, you can be unscrupulous, in fact, he is just giving you a chance to save your marriage, once you let him down more times, accumulated into despair, no matter how hard you try, you can no longer save your marriage.
Less than 3 years after marriage, Ms. Xu was chilled by her husband, Mr. Yuan, and did not have hope for marriage: "As a man, you can be stingy enough to mention AA to his pregnant wife and don't want to spend a penny on his wife, do you think he is still saved?" ”
01. Not sooner or later, when I was seven months pregnant, I mentioned AA to me, saying that he did not count me, I did not believe;
As soon as she mentioned the AA thing, Ms. Xu was angry, only because the time point when her husband mentioned AA was too disgusting.
"Originally, the two of us earned equally well, he could earn 8,000 a month, I could earn more than 7,000, he liked to play games, smoke and drink, and the cost was bigger, so at the beginning, he didn't talk to me about any way to spend money."
15 months ago, Ms. Xu was pregnant, after the company knew, she saw that Ms. Xu was not pleasing to the eye, and it was a transfer, and it was to assign Ms. Xu a task that had to be completed overtime, and she wore small shoes, and sneered, Ms. Xu could not swallow this breath, and took the initiative to resign.
When Ms. Xu resigned, she was more than 3 months pregnant, and Ms. Xu planned not to go out to work for the time being, and then consider the problem of finding a job after sitting in confinement.
Listening to Ms. Xu's plan, her husband had no objection at that time, but it was not long before her husband began to dislike Ms. Xu for spending money and spending a lot of money.
"When a woman is pregnant, her appetite changes and she wants to eat something special, such as me, who always wants to eat durian, and indeed, durian is very expensive, but I really can't control myself."
"Isn't a maternity check-up mandatory?" Does this also mean that I spend too much money? I was pregnant with his child. ”
"The child is about to be born, and the daily necessities must be prepared in advance, and it cannot be hairy when the time comes."
The little two mouths did not mix their mouths, Ms. Xu was already very angry, what she did not expect was that when she was 7 months pregnant, her husband proposed AA to Ms. Xu on the grounds that the cost was too large and unaffordable, so that Ms. Xu could use her dowry and savings to solve her own needs in the next few days.
"I work ten hours a day, I have to work overtime, I'm tired, I'm not trying to make you lose." The child is mine, I will be responsible for the birth, I will pay half of the child's expenses, and the rest you think of your own way. ”
Listening to her husband's words, Ms. Xu quarreled with him several times, but could not change his decision, had to cry back to her mother's house to complain, a sentence from her mother made Ms. Xu's heart cold to the bottom: "Don't mention it early and don't mention it late, wait for this time, aren't you worried about saying that you don't want children early, divorce him?" ”
02. For the sake of the child, I had to endure, but also launched a counterattack;
Seeing through her husband's plans, Ms. Xu was disappointed, and Mr. Yuan began to strictly implement the AA system.
After he paid his salary, he did not give Ms. Xu a penny, but asked Ms. Xu to keep accounts, and then asked him to take half of the money. As for Ms. Xu's maternity examination fees and other expenses, Ms. Xu paid for it herself: "If you have no money, go to your parents for it." ”
What is even more excessive is that when Ms. Xu asked about his confinement, her husband cheekily told Ms. Xu: "My mother is not in good health and cannot serve you to confinement, if you go to the confinement center and ask your sister-in-law, or go back to your mother's house to sit in confinement, anyway, your mother's house is close." If you're looking for a confinement center, you pay for it yourself. ”
Ms. Xu was very angry and proposed a divorce, but Mr. Yuan did not think so: "You have a child in your belly, how can it be?" As long as I don't say yes, you don't want to leave. If you want me to promise yes, the child will return to me, and you will leave the house. ”
Clean house? That is, the house also belongs to him? It's beautiful to think about.
Half a year ago, Ms. Xu gave birth to a son, and after sitting in the confinement of her mother's family, she began to consider a way out.
Divorce, temporarily not feasible, after all, on the economic conditions, they are indeed worse than the husband, and, there is a divorce cooling-off period, divorce is not so easy to do. However, Ms. Xu was not a person who sat still and also launched a counterattack.
Ms. Xu adjusted her state as quickly as possible, found a job, in order to make her salary rise, have the qualification to compete with her husband for custody, Ms. Xu took the initiative to apply for overtime, took the initiative to learn skills, and the salary successfully exceeded her husband.
Then, Ms. Xu launched a counterattack, so that her husband also tasted the power of the AA system.
"Why didn't you buy groceries?" Didn't cook? You tell me? You only pay half the money for the dish, but you eat more than me, how to calculate the money for the part that is more? Also, cooking without money? When you go to a restaurant to eat, does the money you pay for the meal only include the money for the dish, not the chef's fee? ”
"Didn't the ground drag? Clothes not washed? Well, you either ask a babysitter to come back, or pay me a salary at the babysitter's expense, and I'll do it, or else, solve it yourself! ”
"You want to have a child for nothing, and you want me to do housework, which is beautiful to you." Dream about it! ”
"Divorce? Well, the children belong to me, and the house is either given to me or compensated for the money, and not a penny less. ”
03. Pick up your parents? Either pay for it, or my parents will come over;
Just when the two people were in a fight, Ms. Xu returned home from work and unexpectedly found that her in-laws, who had been living in her hometown, suddenly appeared at home.
Before Ms. Xu could ask Mr. Yuan why he didn't say hello to her, she took her in-laws over, and her mother-in-law called out to her to talk to her.
"My mother-in-law nagged me all night, saying that my husband should not mention AA to me, she has already trained him, my husband also promised to cancel the AA, I hope I don't think about it anymore, live a good life with him, and the housework should also be taken up, saying that women should do more housework."
Cancel AA? Rather than saying that Mr. Yuan realized his mistake and wanted to repent, it is better to say that Ms. Xu's salary has surpassed Mr. Yuan's, and it is harmful to continue to implement AA, in fact, the time when Ms. Xu needs Mr. Yuan's money the most has passed.
Ms. Xu also guessed the plan of Mr. Yuan's family and refused to cancel the AA, and her in-laws saw that she "had to be unforgiving", very angry, and asked her son to clean up the room for them, and to live down and not leave.
"AA marriage, either give money or my parents will come over, don't forget, I have half the property rights to this house. You want to leave your parents behind, a family of 3 joined forces to bully me! Then I also invited my parents over. ”
At this point, Mr. Yuan also understood that Ms. Xu's purpose was one, that is, divorce, and she could not give in again.
"He probably saw that I couldn't reconcile with him, and it was impossible to give up my son to him, and the next few days were either very heartbroken, chickens and dogs jumping, or divorced me, and then found a good bully, and in the end, he chose the latter and promised to give up custody of his son." 」
In the end, Ms. Xu got her wish and left the man who was reluctant to spend money on his wife with her son and the compensation for the house.
04. If you find that things are not good for you, you want to save them, where is such a good thing?
John Gottman said in The Game of Love: "Why is it that sometimes people can't save marriage and love even if they try their best?" The reason is simple, because at least one person has decided to give up and turn a blind eye to their partner's efforts. ”
Find that things are not good for you, and you want to save them, where is such a good thing? Are you a fool when your spouse keeps you calculating and taking advantage of you?
Women, no matter when, must let themselves have the strength to support themselves, as long as they become their own dependence, when the marriage has problems, you have enough ability to cope.
END.
Today's topic: What is your view of the marriage AA system? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.