Yesterday, a child sent me a video, which is a clip of Ren Suxi and Qin Hao arguing in "Dear Child", and the purpose of this video she sent me is to prove the correctness of her non-marriage. I was impressed by Ren Suxi's superb acting skills, but to be honest, I was not interested in this drama, because life itself already had a lot of troubles to avoid, and I did not want to watch a TV series and be deliberately reminded.
When I came home at night, my son talked to me about this drama again, saying that the people's network criticized this TV series that showed the reality of marriage at present, saying that this drama was creating anxiety in order to cater to the psychology of young people at the moment, and in the words of children, she was not willing to throw herself into the marriage life of chickens and dogs, because she saw the essence of marriage through real life and this drama.
I believe that there are too many similar realistic versions of the married life shown in this drama, and I admit that marriage does not bring happiness to many people, especially women, but endless disputes and troubles.
The child is because she grew up to see her parents quarrel until she grew up, so she not only did not have the slightest yearning for marriage, but there was an inexplicable disgust and fear, I can understand her, just as when I was young, in order to leave the quarrelsome original family as soon as possible and hastily chose to get married.
The little friend asked me: If you were to go back to your youth, would you still get married?
I said: I won't, if I need to repeat the marriage I will not get married, if it was two years ago, I will firmly tell you that I will not get married. But now my thoughts are different, because my physical condition this year is not very good, I will often be tired, work all day every day, go home and lie in bed and don't want to move, the meals are made by children, I want to drink water in the middle of the night, I am so sleepy that I don't want to go down and pour water, I thought at that time, if there is no one around, with my mentality at that time, I might rather not drink water, cold than go downstairs to buy medicine....
This was an incredible thing when I was young, and I thought that I would be very energetic when I was old, and I would not be as inactive as the middle-aged and elderly people I saw at that time seemed.
But that's only because I'm not old, no one wants to look sick when they're old, it's just because of health, they can't, they can't overcome physical fatigue and pain.
So whenever my little friend is urged to marry and complain to me, I always reply to her: Maybe you really should think about it, after all, one day we will grow old, we need to rely on others.
It is precisely because her parents are nearly sixty years old and feel the changes in their bodies, so they are anxious to help her find a home, and she decided not to marry, and what she sees in her eyes are also cases of unhappy marriage. She would rather be lonely and alone in her old age than devote her young life to a chicken feather marriage.
We really don't need to impose an overwhelmed marriage on someone else for some kind of right perspective, although your starting point may be for her, but it is her life, not yours, and no one should point fingers.
But is the essence of marriage a chicken feather trouble? I think most people will answer in the affirmative, because marriage seems to be equal to trouble and pressure for modern people, in other words, many people do not profit from marriage, especially for women, marriage is even a life choice that will devalue themselves.
Just like the mother played by Ren Suxi in "Dear Child", she was originally just someone else's daughter, but because she chose marriage, she became a wife, mother, daughter-in-law, she needed to learn how to unify these different identities, she needed to learn how to be a wife, how to be a mother, how to be a daughter-in-law, but to learn these, and did not work hard to study for graduate school or work hard to promote her salary is more useful to enhance her personal value, but will make her give up the opportunity to improve herself because of these identities. The time and energy are wasted in the marriage, to how to educate the children to work hard and sad, to how to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and the seven aunts and eight aunts, and these things, originally have nothing to do with the pure herself, why should she pay so much in the marriage, and then have to worry about whether the husband will cheat, whether the husband has done his best for the family, and therefore from a pure and lovely girl slowly becomes a resentful woman or a humble woman, and finally the family is not well managed, and the personal value is not realized. Life is gray, and finally it depends on those "how women can keep men's hearts", why should the women who pay the most still cater to men?
Because women gave up their jobs for marriage, economic status determines family status. Women lose themselves in marriage, but in the end they are not tolerated and understood by society, all the bitter water of women is held in their hearts, as long as someone vents, someone will immediately jump out and accuse: This is a resentful woman! This is the idea of most women, and it is also the main reason why many unmarried people do not marry, marriage for women, there is little benefit, more through self-sacrifice to fulfill the social responsibility of human reproduction.
In the past, women did not have the right to participate in social life, they did not have the opportunity to compete with men for jobs, marriage is the only way for their lives to be guaranteed, and women in the current era, they have the competitiveness of sitting on an equal footing with men, women's consciousness has awakened, they began to reconsider the meaning and value of their lives, they choose not to marry is not necessarily afraid of marriage and family, there are many professional women they need a relatively independent space and time to achieve self-worth, Marriage and family are nothing less than a burden to them, will take up their time and energy, affect their realization of self-worth, which in itself is understandable, everyone understands life and life differently, everyone has the right to freely choose their own mode of life, should not be interfered with by anyone in any form.
People's Network criticized a family drama, this practice itself has the intention of forcibly harmonizing and whitewashing Taiping, film and television works should at least do what life looks like, rather than whitewashing pain, to cover up ugliness, I have always agreed with Mo Yan's sentence: Real literary works should expose the dark side of society and attract people's attention, rather than blindly singing praises for the times.
After all, if criticism is not allowed, praise will be meaningless.
In fact, the marriage life shown in "Dear Child" is only a minority in real life, most marriages are not so hysterical, family relations are not as bad as in the TV series, I have seen such marriages, but I have also seen very happy and peaceful families, willing to get married, let them get married, those who do not want to get married do not get married, we all have the right to choose, there is really no need to deliberately guide, married or not, in addition to a few seedlings of newborn leeks, it really does not matter, Why do we have to deliberately beautify married life? Presenting the real married life, there are happy families, there are unhappy families, what life is like for everyone to see what it looks like, you don't let the TV series shoot like this, but you can't stop the chickens and dogs in real life, even if you beautify it, how many people believe it?
Even if the TV series is not performed, will people's anxiety about marriage in real life not exist?
Reality cannot be whitewashed, there is no need to force others ideologically, this is respect for modern civilization.