Wen | Cheats Jun
Marrying far away is a big gamble, nine out of ten injuries, is this really the case?
I have two examples of distant marriages around me. The ending is different. From their examples, I realized a lot of things, and found that unhappy long-distance marriages are actually defeated in several aspects. In fact, whether it is a long-distance marriage or a near marriage, the reason for the failure of marriage is the same. Even if you marry closely, if you don't grasp these aspects well, it will also hurt.
One is my college classmate, so I'll call her Little A. Little A's family is from Fujian, came to our school across provinces, and fell in love with a boy from the northeast. The two cities, one in the south and one in the north, span almost half of China.
After graduation, Little A followed her boyfriend and returned to his hometown and began to look for a job, get married and start a family.
At the graduation ten-year party, Little A also came, looking quite lonely, obviously consumed by life. During the conversation, her voice was tired and hesitant, and it was clear that her marriage was not happy.
The other one is that I sent a small one and called her little C well. Little C and I are in the same village, which is equivalent to marrying from the north to the south. Every time we came home for the New Year, we would talk for a while. I found that since Little C got married, his spirit has been different, and his previous lack of self-confidence has been swept away. Now she has bought a house, a car, two children, and her husband.
The same is a long marriage, why do these two people have a good and a bad life, is it really related to the person who married? Not quite.
What affects the quality of long-distance marriage or marriage is actually the following factors.
One is poverty. Will you be able to make enough money to live a life that is almost what you want?
It is said that poor and lowly couples mourn, and this is especially true for distant marriages. Take Xiao A, for example, after going to her boyfriend's hometown, she found it difficult to find a satisfactory job with her profession, and after giving birth to a baby, she simply stayed at home and took the baby with her mother-in-law. The breadwinner of the family became the husband alone.
Because of the pressure to make less money, in order to save travel expenses, she can't go back to her mother's house once a year. After giving birth to the baby, because of the discomfort of running around with the child for a long time, coupled with yi love, she has not returned to her mother's house for three years. Thinking about it, she felt like a failure.
The material basis is the pillar of marriage, and that's true. Love and bread, in the love stage may be more important love, but after entering the marriage, you will find that "bread" is the background of marriage.
Little A and her husband did not argue for money, and the feelings of college were also consumed in this dispute.
The second is whether you and your husband are independent enough and have no say in the small family
Of course, what if the couple has no money, but they are more focused on spiritual life and are willing to be poor? In fact, there are other constraints. That is the intervention of the in-laws.
I don't know if you have found that the focus of contradictions in many families is that one of the spouses is not willing to let the right to speak in the small family be taken away by the parents and elders, but the other half sits idly by. Concentrated in the performance, as a daughter-in-law, I hope that the affairs of my family can be decided by the husband and wife, but the helpless husband is a mother treasure man.
This situation will be more obvious after the woman is married. When you are targeted by your in-laws, when your family is small enough to eat and what your children go to school to be interfered with by your in-laws, and your husband does not say a word, you who are married far away seem to be caught in an embattled situation.
Fortunately, Little C is a counterexample. The place where she married had a patriarchal custom, but she gave birth to a female doll. Her in-laws and surrounding relatives have vigorously promoted, and this pressure has been resisted by her husband.
The third is whether you have established your own circle of friends
Girls marry away from home, in fact, "hurt" is no backing. If you can build your own social circle in another country, the situation will be much better. Because at this time, you are no longer a person who is attached to the social circle of your in-laws. Because you have your own social circle, you become "independent", and naturally you have the confidence.
Senior nursery, psychological counselor. Understand the parenting and psychology, but also pay attention to the self-growth and family management of baoma, and strive to be the intimate person of mothers.
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