The boyfriend is a dead otaku and you want to go out every weekend; you like the room to be kept clean and tidy, and the boyfriend doesn't always like to clean up.
In the face of this kind of inconsistent conflict, girls are generally very angry in their hearts, so they always want to try to change each other. But the result is that the two do not give in to each other, and finally enter a deadlock of mutual reasoning.
What to do? Today, through two typical cases, Binbin sister teaches you a very effective method, which can not only resolve the deadlock, but also avoid it in advance.
Let's look at a real-world case:
Binbin Gang has a girlfriend, I will call her Little A for the time being. She usually likes to clean up the room, so she hopes that her boyfriend can do the same. However, the problem is that Little A's boyfriend does not want her to manage herself like her mother, and Little A nags more, and the boyfriend directly colds the violence.
In the face of the boyfriend's indifference and bad attitude, the girlfriend Xiao A is very depressed and disappointed. Over time, the conflict between the two has increased, both sides have been very tired and annoyed with each other, and the feelings have begun to turn from thick to light.
And Xiao A did not want to break up because of such a situation, so he asked for help from Sister Binbin. Today, Sister Binbin gave this girlfriend a support.
On the surface, the couple's biggest conflict is just cleaning the room.
But through The in-depth understanding of Sister Binbin, it was found that the real reason behind the conflict between the two was that Xiao A wanted a sense of order and security at home, and her boyfriend wanted to be free in his own home and not be constrained.
So, for cleaning the room, the place where Little A can't compromise is that he can't stand the garbage in the kitchen or the bathroom after taking a shower. The non-negotiable part of the boyfriend is that he can't stand to have everything clean and tidy.
Are the two of them about to shoot and scatter? No, in fact, both have tolerances where the other can be flexible. The bottom line of Little A is that there can be no garbage, but a certain degree of clutter can be tolerated. Her boyfriend also made concessions: as long as he didn't have to clean up all the time, he could regularly clean the kitchen bathroom and take out the garbage.
Then, Sister Binbin taught her girlfriend a way to deal with such differences - to develop a compromise plan:
First, make it clear that both people have the responsibility to clean the kitchen and bathroom, then the two can take turns cleaning, one person a day;
Second, Little A is not used to the boyfriend's mess, and can nag the boyfriend. But you can only nag three times a week, and if you exceed the number of times, you have to accept the punishment set by your boyfriend.
Third, if the boyfriend does not clean up the debris in time, he must also accept the punishment set by Little A. As for the punitive measures, the two discussed them.
Sister Binbin is not teaching you to change the behavior of the other party, because it is impossible to do it. Girlfriend Little A will still hate clutter, and her boyfriend will not become fond of tidying up. But if the two can explain their bottom line and where they compromised, and learn to deal with this disagreement, they can avoid an impasse and will not hurt their feelings.
Let's look at another case:
Girlfriend C pays attention to living in the moment, spending money without a plan, and likes to buy luxury goods. Little C's boyfriend is more frugal, his life goal is to be safe and stable, and he is more cautious in making decisions. So, in the face of Little C's big hands, the two always quarrel.
Recently, Little C bought a luxury product again, and the two directly froze. The boyfriend thinks that Little C has no sense of responsibility, no planning for future life, and cannot share the pressure of life with herself, while Little C accuses her boyfriend of suppressing all the pleasures in her life.
How should the conflict caused by the different consumption concepts of the two people be resolved?
Sister Binbin still used the same method to deal with this seemingly insoluble conflict. First of all, the two put aside the accusatory mentality to listen to the reasons behind each other's consumption concept, only to know that the girlfriend C is an only child, and has not been wronged in money since childhood, so it is more arbitrary to buy things.
And her boyfriend is eager to be financially secure, hoping to prepare in advance for high spending after starting a family and having children. Through uncritical exchanges, both learned the truth of the conflict.
Well, the next two people do the following steps:
First, first determine where you can't compromise, girlfriend C must buy luxury goods every year, and her boyfriend must ensure that her monthly financial savings are at least 10,000.
Second, the two can be flexible in that her boyfriend respects Little C's consumption philosophy, but hopes that Little C buys a luxury product every quarter or half a year, and Little C also agrees to buy a luxury item for half a year.
For consumption, girlfriend C and boyfriend have adhered to the bottom line, made corresponding compromises, and finally, returned to good.
Through the above two cases, Binbin sister to summarize this treatment method, it is a universal formula, you can take a small book to write down:
The first step is to first write down your position and the truth or reason behind it;
The second step is to draw a small circle and write down where you can't compromise;
The third step is to draw a large circle outside and write down the places where you can compromise and give in the big circle;
Ask your boyfriend to write down his appeals as well, and the last step is for the two to exchange their demands, and then communicate where they can compromise, and finally agree on a compromise that is satisfactory to each other.
Remember, Sister Binbin taught you this method, not to make your boyfriend behave like you, but to let the two of you avoid entering a deadlock where you can't communicate. The plan you have reached can be implemented for one or two months, and if it is not appropriate, it can be corrected.
You may think that today's cases are trivial life, there are no ups and downs, and this is the truth of life. The main reason why many couples break up is not to split legs, but these seemingly insignificant but can cause countless quarrels.
As a visitor, Sister Binbin reminds her girlfriends not to expect to solve your problems or conflicts once and for all, it is impossible. You will encounter more conflicts in your marriage in the future, large and small, and only by learning to live with them will it help your relationship.
Well, here we are today, now to do a little exercise: you like to watch love literary films, and the other party only likes to watch science fiction movies, so how will you decide to go to the cinema?
A. Act separately, he looks at him, I look at mine
B. See what he likes this time, what I like next time
C. Re-select one that both of them love to watch