We've always talked about getting a man, but I guess a lot of girlfriends still don't know how to get a man? Today, let's talk about the most critical step in getting a man, pay attention to the proportions of communication, and grasp your sense of need.
What is the sense of need? The sense of need is actually the fear of losing, and people are afraid of losing what they once had, which is the innate loss aversion of human beings.
However, holding on to the sense of demand is not to have no sense of demand at all, but to control your sense of need within a reasonable range. So that you can properly express your needs, appropriately use more intentions and actions to express sincerity, harvest love.
What is the purpose of gripping on the sense of need? It's about making men not hate you.
Sister Binbin had seen such a girl before, and she had met a boy at a party, and the two of them quickly became acquainted. But after a while, the boy suddenly sent a WeChat message to her: I think we don't seem to be a good match.
Then the girl exploded, and began to bombard all kinds of WeChat phones, and the boys did not answer. Later, the girl placed a circle of roses downstairs in the boys' company, waiting for the boys to confess in front of many people after work, and later, the boys blacked her out.
Have girlfriends ever done anything like this? Maybe not as exaggerated as this girl, but it is estimated that more or less has been.
When you're too eager to prove that you love someone and make a mess of yourself, it's just making men hate you even more. You're too eager to prove that the act of loving someone is your sense of need, remember, learn to hold your sense of need tight.
First, we must find out from the core what the sense of need is.
When you want to be nice to a guy, you're just doing it out of your own volition and don't care at all what the man will respond to and react to. You're just trying to cool yourself, it's not a sense of need.
When you want to be nice to a guy, you ask or expect the guy to be nice too. Or the boy said that you are not suitable, you wrote hundreds of words of WeChat to send over, called a dozen times to ask why, and said faithfully that you will definitely wait for him. And that's the naked sense of need.
So, looking back at the example that Sister Binbin just gave. What really annoys boys is not that she expresses love, but constantly pesters. Because the girl wants to get a desired result, and ignores the negative emotions brought by her behavior to the man.
Second, we know what the sense of need is, and we know that we must control the sense of demand.
However, many girlfriends still can't do it. Well, Sister Binbin teaches you a simple way so that you can hold on to your sense of need.
There must be a man around you, the type of "he likes you and you don't like him". Find this guy and put it in the same group as the guy you like.
In the future, every message, every picture, and every article you take the initiative to send will be sent to them two at the same time, exactly the same, and treat them equally.
What will you find at this time? You will find that originally you had a lot to say, but now you have to send a copy to the person you don't like, and you can't say what you want to say.
And the things you want to say in your heart and can't say are your sense of need, and it's these extra pieces of information that are giving you crazy deductions. Once you've got it under control, when you talk to someone you like, you won't let him feel that you're annoying.
Third, let the sense of demand change the pattern.
You like a guy and you want to ask him out for dinner, which is also a sense of need. If you have to say, how do you express this sense of need without making men hate it?
Sister Binbin told you not to say "Do you have time on the weekend?" Both men and women don't like to ask questions, especially frequent questions. For example, "In?" Busy? Why? Is there time?", the question is to throw the pressure of the conversation to the other party, then the other party's chances of hating you will increase with the frequency of your questions.
To avoid this situation, it is also very simple to remember a law: if it is not what you really want to know, you do not ask; if it is what you really want to know, you change to the declarative sentence "ask".
For example, you want to ask him out for dinner on the weekend and want to know if he's available. You can say, "I guess you're free this weekend, and there should be no arrangements, so let's go out to dinner." "Although the meaning is still that meaning, the change in form will make the man think that you are a very interesting person, not boring, not annoying."
Fourth, if Sister Binbin has said so, you still make a mistake, what should you do at this time?
In the dating process before you and the guy are in a relationship, if you can't control your sense of need and make him hate you and alienate you, as long as you don't feel that this matter is your fault, then it doesn't matter, don't care about it.
How do many girlfriends do when they do something wrong? Do the wrong thing, make the boy unhappy, apologize to the boy, the boy is not appreciative, apologize repeatedly, and the boy directly ignores you. In fact, you have done something wrong to make the boy unhappy, it is just a temporary emotion. It's like if you drank too much yesterday, and you talked about Dorthogh, no problem, but if you still talk about Dote high today, it's very problematic.
The same is true for men, a moment of emotion, sleep and forget, you have to remember that every time you try to solve a mistake, try to apologize, is another evoky of negative emotions.
For example, if you send him a large paragraph of seemingly confessional information once with a hot head, you can no longer withdraw it. You are anxious, at this time, do not rush to the man with a hot head, say that it is wrong and keep apologizing. Men say it's okay, you don't believe it, or mention this matter on different occasions, or very sorry.
This practice really makes men feel bad, and the correct way to do it is to send another "sorry, wrong", and then what to do, completely erase this matter.
To suppress the urge to prove yourself, to solve problems, to keep apologizing, men will not like you because you have solved the problem, but men will resent you because you constantly want to solve mistakes.
Do you understand the sense of need? Leave a test question: "Can you accompany me?" How should the sentence be said in a way that does not expose the sense of need?
A. Do you have time? Come and chat with me
B. There is a particularly good movie, let's go see it together
C. I'm not happy, you invite me to dinner