Girls in love often complain to girlfriends, "Boyfriend talks too little, and every time I want to talk to him, he is always especially perfunctory to me." "He didn't care about my feelings at all, I told him my troubles, he either looked down at the phone or he just muttered."
The girlfriend's first reaction is "communication, you need to communicate". , of course we know we need to communicate, but we can't do it.
A man unilaterally cuts off the channels of communication, how can I connect with him? In love, in the face of a situation where one party does not want to communicate, what should we do? Today, Sister Binbin will give you an analysis of why men are reluctant to talk to you and help you with advice.
First of all, we need to understand the reasons why men are reluctant to talk to you, in fact, there are three main reasons:
The first is that most men belong to the type that sticks to the "uselessness of communication" and doesn't like to talk.
Men don't like to get things straight around like women. When you indicate the intention of "we need to talk", men instinctively just refuse. In "Polite Talk Show", Binbinjie mentioned a cave theory, that is, men will have cold behavior when they are stressed or irritable.
At this time, the man is: you can do anything, that is, "don't bother me." Men in life also do not like to communicate with language, there is a study that shows that men speak 7,000 words a day, most of his words are finished at work, and when they are with you, they have nothing to say, and they want to get along with you quietly.
The second reason why he doesn't communicate with you is a bit cruel, that is, he doesn't look at you at all, and men are annoyed with talking to you.
This reason is estimated that many girls will be very angry, "Then why does he still want to be with me?" "Because he thinks you're stupid and obedient and easy to control!" Many men are not looking for wives out of appreciation, admiring girls he simply can't hold, or unwilling to pay more costs to pursue.
As for you, and his IQ level is not on the same front, looking down on you in the eyes of the heart, what is there to say with you? This kind of man who is commonly found in the strong so-called high-quality superiority and machismo, marriage and wife are nothing more than the standard configuration of a mature and successful man, and there is a reliable positioning for the internal need for a wife to help deal with housework to help themselves pass on their descendants, and externally they need to give an account to the social environment "You see, I am a mature man, I have a home I am normal."
The reason why the last man does not like to communicate is different from the previous two, the first two are actually irrelevant to us women, the essence is the man's own problem, the last one is our own problem, it is our woman herself can not speak, resulting in men are unwilling to talk to women.
You think, you Barabala said a whole bunch of things, men simply can't get your point. In turn, your boyfriend talks to you about the NBA, and you come to a sentence of "not interested" directly choking him back into his stomach; when your boyfriend talks to you, you always interject and interrupt him, how do you make men willing to talk to you without letting men open their mouths?
Okay, now start taking notes, and Sister Binbin teaches you how to solve the problem that he doesn't want to talk to you:
First, you have to learn to understand the way boys communicate.
You have to give him time and space that he likes to be quiet and silent. In addition, you need to find other ways to communicate with boys outside of language, such as touching, hugging, sex and more physical intimacy to enhance your feelings.
In addition, psychologists suggest that couples can hug 6 times a day for at least 6 seconds each time to enhance their intimacy. Of course, this must be the advice of Western psychologists, we Oriental people six times a day difficult points, first start from twice, kiss goodbye or veneers in the morning can always be it, hug before going to bed at night, stick to it into habits, let your men not hug and sleep.
Second, you have to recognize reality and improve yourself.
For men who don't want to talk to you because they look down on you, do you have the only option to leave? No, you should choose to improve yourself. Sister Binbin believes that you and him also want to become a better person, then, in the face of your gap, you must "read more ugly people" and strive to be a person with connotations.
Speaking of reading, Just Binbin sister also came out with a set of private book lists, aiming at the 6 roles of "self, career, partner, mother, daughter, and friend" that women must face in their lives, helping girlfriends complete the design of the entire life. But Sister Binbin is not teaching you how to read, but hopes to help you find your life methodology through carefully selected books.
For example, if you don't know how to be a good mother, Sister Binbin will summarize the experience of your predecessors from the classic books on how to be a good mother and help you find the answer to the problem. Interested girlfriends, you can find this book list course in the "Binbin Gang" app, learn by yourself.
For learning, some girlfriends may say," "Concubines can't do it for the time being!" If you really can't do self-directed learning, the easiest, then you can learn to be a good listener first.
"Because effective conversation is all about interest and listening to each other." Men express his thoughts and feelings, you have to learn to empathize with him with some words like "it is true, you are really not easy" and "you feel very uncomfortable in your heart", so that you feel that you understand him.
Speaking of this, Sister Binbin would like to remind everyone that you must not interrupt the boy when he is talking, and must not interject. Also, understand that men's words are limited to the literal meaning, don't use your imagination here.
Just like before Binbin Gang had a girlfriend, his boyfriend did not serve her food at breakfast, and said a sentence "Then you are hungry to serve your own food." As a result, this girlfriend directly extended to whether he didn't love me anymore? In fact, his boyfriend didn't serve her food just because he heard his girlfriend say he wasn't hungry. So, listen to men just stay literal, don't associate.
Third, you have to learn three "noes"—no accusations, no complaints, no repetitions.
Of course, in the face of a man who is tired of you, you first have to stop complaining, blaming and endless venting.
For example, in the face of his tardiness, you have to stop "What time do you see?" How come you are always late for every date? You can say something like, "Honey, you hate it so much, you know I think so much and you've had people wait for so long." "Expressing your emotions and revealing your love, how can you cause the other party to resent it, love you are too late!"
In addition, Binbinjie focused on reminding, "The words of concern are the most effective once, two times can be emphasized, and three times is nagging." He was on a business trip and kept reminding him that "do you remember to bring sheets and towels, do you bring chargers?" You check again and don't forget to bring something ", you think you care about him, but he thinks you're fucking!
Well, today's lesson is here, let's do a small exercise after class, see which sentence below, may cause men to resent?
A. Remind every time you go out, "Don't always stare at the beautiful girl"
B. Something says, "Can you do it?" Forget about me! ”
C. When we meet after work, I say, "My colleague's husband bought another house." ”
D. When going out to play, "Drive and look at the road, don't look at me!" ”