To girls who have never been loved so much

Author: Warm-blooded animal (ID: staywarmblood)

What does a girl who is prone to healthy love look like?

I think most people, including me, react to good-looking girls.

But now, I have a new conclusion.

This is something I recently discovered from a friend.

She was a mature professional woman, completely different from the reckless and stupid me.

But in one aspect of the relationship, she maintained the innocence that I had long since destroyed:

She had always believed that she would be treated well, and it seemed to her to be a matter of course, like the air must contain oxygen.

And what I'm more familiar with is people who don't believe they deserve to be treated well, and people who never want to treat others well.

In my opinion, it must be because she is so lucky that she has been given such confidence.

I used to believe that "everyone deserves to be treated with tenderness".

But unfortunately it was like winning the lottery, it never happened to me.

Healthy relationships have become an exclusion problem for me.

The relationships I've experienced are undoubtedly the wrong options.

Crossing out these options and looking at other happy couples, I can barely piece together the right answer.

That time my first love told me that he was just having an awkward fight with the girl he really liked and wanted to see if being with me would get the girl's attention, and he said he was miserable.

This meant that I had to accept two things at once:

My boyfriend said he was playing with me and my boyfriend said he was miserable.

That time my boyfriend wanted to break up with me, but he didn't know how to break up.

He became cold because he didn't love him, and cowardly because he knew I still loved him.

In the morning when I went to brush my teeth he was talking next door, and I said I couldn't hear clearly, and I would say it again after brushing my teeth.

He caught this sentence and began to lose his temper, saying that I was becoming less and less concerned about what he really thought.

Early in the morning is a time when it is easy to get angry, and it is also a time period that is easy to suddenly wake up.

At that moment, I vaguely understood his true thoughts, and thought of the coldness and cowardice he had imposed on me before.

So I threw down my toothbrush and went to argue with him, and we scolded each other like we had never been educated, and then both of us were silent, and he kept shedding rational tears, looking particularly annoying.

I walked back to the bathroom to continue brushing my teeth and he said break up next door, and this time I heard it clearly.

That time I tried to salvage it, sending a carefully selected sexy photo past him at work.

I think it would make him think about me all afternoon, and our relationship would come alive when he came home in the evening.

Fifteen minutes before leaving work, he replied, "Not bad." ”

It was like stretching out to celebrate the end of work, and suddenly remembered that a middle school classmate had sent him that class reunion photo.

I was ashamed of myself, and the newly bought condom next to me seemed to be suddenly covered in dust.

The destruction of bullshit love is bound to be a comprehensive collapse, you can continue the sexual relationship in it, but you can't use sexual relations to save it.

That's how I shape my perception of healthy relationships, like a person standing on a snowy field painting a rainforest.

And my friend is not.

Contrary to me, she was the first to experience and has been experiencing healthy relationships that allow both parties to grow.

It was hard for her to understand that I was sometimes torn and wary like a mentally dysfunctional child.

Maturity fills her with scrutiny, and her healthy and happy love experience makes her full of tolerance.

The difference between the two of us goes like this:

That time we were walking on the road and met a boy, standing in front of the purple-gray sunset, holding a curly-haired puppy.

There were bouquets of flowers on the seat behind him, and it was conceivable that the person he liked was about to emerge from the nearby office building and leave all his troubles to the gust of wind behind him.

My reaction was "If only there was a guy like this waiting for me".

But in my heart, I will always be a gray-headed person standing by and taking on the role of an envied passerby.

And her response was "Yes, the next boyfriend must find one like this".

It was as if she had had these things before and would have them in the future.

I used to be full of envy for her, because I felt that only people who have enough happiness and emotional experiences can have this confidence.

But then I changed my mind.

That time we had a failed date at the same time.

I thought maybe I was really stupid enough to mess everything up, maybe it was time to give up all my senseless fantasies.

She thought maybe today wasn't a good date for a date.

The man in front of him was nervous and unnatural because he liked her too much.

Even though she didn't get the date she wanted, it all added to her confidence.

That time she was ghosting by a boy who was still in the ambiguous period, and his attitude suddenly cooled.

But her confusion is far greater than sadness, and she told me, is this love mode popular now?

I said it wasn't popular now, I've been through it countless times.

But she quickly forgot about this little episode, and the people who have been treated well are always full of confidence.

Their self-confidence is difficult to destroy, the road of love is fragrant, and the summer is long.

I found that it wasn't that she hadn't experienced a failed relationship.

It's just that these failures are unscathed for her, and they don't hurt her confidence in the slightest.

In the process, my attitude towards her also changed unconsciously.

From the initial envy and even a little self-pity, to a lot of love with her.

Because the experience with her is always very positive, as if failure is not a big deal, as if "I am not worth being treated well" is simply a question that is not worth tangling.

So I also understood why her emotional path seemed to be going well:

Confident people are attractive.

I know that good-looking people are favored.

But because of this, we often conclude that only those who are favored will have self-confidence.

But it ignores that self-confidence and appearance are not the same, not by the food rewarded by God, but by the beautiful qualities that can be cultivated the day after tomorrow.

In fact, the reality may also be that "people with self-confidence are often favored."

Because everyone hopes that in a relationship, there is someone who can always bring positive energy to themselves.

Perhaps, there are many girls who grow up in a repressed environment and become accustomed to blaming themselves for everything.

It seems that only when you have received love, you have the qualifications to be confident.

In fact, self-confidence does not need to rely on anything to prove.

We don't need to build our self-confidence by being loved, but we need to use self-confidence to get the love we deserve.

- END -

*Article Source: Warm-Blooded Animal (ID: staywarmblood).

About One Lesson

One Lesson is a content knowledge platform focusing on college groups, is currently the domestic focus on college students content knowledge production team, here gathered a group of young people who love to toss, carefully create dry goods, skills of the course production, pay attention to us, and you learn and grow together. The star "One Lesson", we do not see or disperse.