01
▼
Hello, I'm Sister Vian.
Not long ago, in my high emotional intelligence communication camp, the students suddenly concentrated their firepower in the group and began to discuss the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Xiao A said that because he invited a sister-in-law in the month and offended his mother-in-law, the child is still 2 years old, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still very stiff.
Originally, Xiao A and her husband had a good relationship, but now because the mother-in-law often counts her not, the husband's feelings for Xiao A are also weak, and he can't say a few words.
Little C said that no one took the child with him and had to live with his mother-in-law. The mother-in-law is a very "good" person, often because of a small matter to make a chicken dog restless.
Coupled with the fact that her husband is a bit of a mother, the family is living like a thin ice, and Little C feels particularly depressed.
I can't help but sigh, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really a problem for eternity.
It is really difficult for women today to earn money to support their families, but also to have a good wife and mother who is beautiful as a flower. Both Little A and Little C are still working women and still have good financial resources; if they are full-time mothers, the situation is even more difficult.
I often say that the successful female orientation is multifaceted. In the hearts of our women, women who have a successful career and a happy family are the real winners.
Despite knowing that career and family can't be balanced, women want a better balance. Because family and career are equally important to women. Even, family is more important for most women.
Men are different, most men see that career is always the first. Balance problems? Almost non-existent.
Women are originally emotional animals, and if family relationships are not handled well, they will bring a lot of troubles and pain, which will consume energy and cause us to be unable to better focus our energy on our careers.
Therefore, I have always emphasized that women's wealth luck is closely related to interpersonal relationships.
Women with successful careers, family relationships and relationships are usually relatively good. In this way, they can do their careers without distraction and emotional stability.
How to deal with the relationship with the mother-in-law is a matter in front of all the mothers.
Behind the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is actually a husband and wife relationship. The discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is bound to affect the relationship between husband and wife.
So, you have to understand this truth - to marry, not to marry a person, but to a family.
Choosing the right person and family, constantly cultivating yourself is the most important thing in a happy marriage.
02
The old iron who knows me well knows that I have lived with my mother-in-law for 10 years and have never had a red face.
Many people have asked me how my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along.
To say how good my relationship with my mother-in-law is, it is impossible to say. My mother-in-law only speaks dialects, and it was a little difficult for us to communicate.
Although we live under one roof, we can't say dozens of words a year.
But we did get along.
Before I had a birthday, I picked up my mother-in-law to sit at the company. When the car arrived, I naturally went to help her drive the car door to help her get out of the car. This little detail was seen by Sister Chestnut, who said, You are so good to Grandma.
▲I took a picture with my family on my birthday
My concern for my mother-in-law is expressed in action. I often buy her what she likes to eat, and I take her out to eat and travel from time to time.
My mother-in-law is also very good to me. The old people love to nag, but my mother-in-law never nags us, she rarely talks, has a strong sense of boundaries, never gossips and does not go beyond the distance.
She is a northerner and is very good at making buns and dumplings. Northerners' buns are very large, and my mother-in-law learned to make small buns and delicate dumplings for me. Sometimes when I see that I haven't eaten, I will cook noodles for me to eat.
Although her mother-in-law does not know words and does not speak in words, she is a good grandmother.
She actually wants to go back to her hometown, and when people are old, they all want to return to their roots, but in order to help us with our children, she can only live in the south all the time. In the care of children, it is always hard work and responsibility.
The most important thing for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along is to put them in the right position.
A mother-in-law will never treat her daughter-in-law as a daughter. So it's perfectly normal not to care about you, to care about her own children. There is no injustice because you have no emotional bond with her.
And we shouldn't mistake them for mothers, they can never take your mom's place. So as long as there are unreasonable expectations, you can't get along well.
The mother-in-law is the mother-in-law, and she gave birth to your husband. The reason why you marry Mr. is always because he has something to attract you, and there is no husband without a mother-in-law, and this alone is worthy of gratitude.
Please be sure to be sober on earth.
Lower your expectations of your mother-in-law and learn to look at her strengths. This is the right way for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along.
Human emotions are mutual.
The world is a mirror, and how you look at it, it will do to you. You are friendly and tolerant to the people around you, and others will smile at you.
On the contrary, if you have been picky and complaining, you will find that the practices that you are not accustomed to will deepen and your environment will fall into a vicious circle.
03
Our two most important purposes in this world are to make ourselves happy and to make others happy.
Whatever you do, you should start from both perspectives.
First of all, you have to have the ability to make yourself happy. If you don't know how to love yourself, you don't know how to love others.
It's like if you only have half a bowl of rice, you don't have enough to eat, and now others have to ask you. Do you give, or don't you give?
Give, you will be very wronged, and then ask for return; do not give, others will resent you.
So it's all about not having enough to eat, it's like you're not getting enough love.
We are the root of everything in the world, and only by loving ourselves can we have the ability to love others.
How to love yourself? We need to distinguish between these three things:
The first one: The Thing of God;
The second thing: someone else's business;
The third thing: your own business.
The pain of life is that we always want to take care of God's affairs, other people's affairs. I always feel that others are wrong and I am right. There is always a victim mentality.
The problem is --
Can you handle God's business?
Do you know what you'll encounter tomorrow?
Can you manage someone else?
Will others think you're right and will listen to you?
When you obsess over thinking that you are right and others are wrong. You suffer when someone else has to or should do something and someone ignores or even contradicts you for blaming you.
We really have control over ourselves, and making ourselves better is the key to solving all problems.
When encountering a mother-in-law who does not look good, people always like to complain and complain about the mother-in-law's various bad things.
I know that the behavior of many elderly people is really uncomfortable.
But have you ever thought that they are actually victims, that they have not been well educated since childhood, that they have not had the opportunity to be exposed to the scientific methods when they grow up, that they have always lived in their own world?
So you want to change them, it's harder than ascending to heaven, isn't it?
In comparison, your conditions are much better. You have knowledge, you can learn and change yourself.
Wouldn't it be more reliable to change your perception of them, change your malicious perception of them, and focus on yourself?
In most cases (excluding character issues), we change, we become stronger, and the people around us will be affected.
04
Many of my students, after studying with me and changing themselves, have greatly improved the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, husband and wife, and mother-daughter relationship.
You have to know that the energy fields in the world affect each other.
So, I often say: Hello, the world is good. You change, the world changes.
When you turn outward seeking to inward seeking, your path to awakening begins.
You will step out of the closed environment and learn to grow. Break your restrictive thinking.
When you know that you are the root of everything, when you look for the cause in yourself, your heart begins to become rich and powerful.
The ancients have made this truth clear for thousands of years: only by cultivating oneself and the family can we govern the country and the world.
Regarding the mother-in-law relationship, 100 people have 100 problems.
So in the end, Sister Vian gives you 8 suggestions for your reference:
1. Position yourself in the right position and lower expectations
2, look at people's strengths, filter shortcomings
3. Give more gifts and send red envelopes
4. Praise in public and be grateful in public
5, do not say that the mother-in-law is not good, do not make it difficult for the husband to do
6, together to live together, not to live separately
7. If you have the ability, it is best to ask a nanny to take the child
8. Constantly learn to improve yourself and have high requirements for yourself
Even if you can do a few things, I believe that your family relationship will change a lot.
Finally, women must have financial strength. Because the economic base determines the superstructure.
What others do to you is what you teach. This sentence is very inspiring to me and is also given to you.
Click "Watching", I hope that after reading the article today, I can answer some of your confusions about the relationship.
Topics in today's comments section
After reading today's article, what are your new views on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
Tell us what you think in the comments section.
Every message you leave, I will read carefully!
Viviann, Erbao Mama, a former Fortune 500 executive, is in charge of 1 billion businesses. Member of the China Council of G20 Young Entrepreneurs Alliance, mentor of global new female IP entrepreneurship, president speech coach, marketing expert, founder of the public account "Vian Say", and millions of students and fans across the network. Help tens of thousands of students to achieve 5-7 digit value realization, best-selling books "Iteration", "Online Money" author, dangdang network most influential author.