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There is a saying that goes, "You know your face and don't know your heart." The most unpredictable thing in the world is not the weather, the blessings and misfortunes, but the human heart.
You never know what the smiling person in front of you really thinks in his heart, people's social attributes determine that people always have to wear a "personality mask", and so do we ourselves, out of self-protection.
Even sometimes we ourselves don't know what we really think, let alone others, so it's almost impossible to get to know a person thoroughly.
We habitually say that we must find a close friend, which is easy to say, but it is difficult to achieve in real life.
In today's society, there are still many people who treat people sincerely, why do they still discourage easy communication, because many good friends are not broken because of interests and competitive relationships, but more because of the separation of ideas. Due to the disagreement of ideas and opinions, there are countless cases of escalation from friends to enemies.
Xiao A and Xiao B are good friends for many years, both of them are engaged in media work, and they often exchange ideas and writing and praise each other.
Until the arrival of the epidemic, Xiao A wrote some very official reports of disqualification, Xiao B, out of concern, suggested that she write some pertinent reports, one is to avoid being attacked by the Internet, and the other is not to blindly carry a car for the leader.
All this was refuted by Xiao A, the two had a debate on ideological differences that day, after the fact, Xiao A blocked Xiao B WeChat, after a long time, Xiao A canceled the blackout, the other party called and communicated that it was recommended not to read the article written by the other party, so as not to cause contradictions, each other is still friends, Xiao B also solemnly promised. The matter seemed to come to an end, but the truth was that the friendship between the two for many years began to go cold.
I believe that everyone has heard of the halo effect, the same is the opposite of the demon effect, people will love the house and the U because of each other's strengths, the same know too much, know the root, see each other too many shortcomings, will seize a little shortcoming, push the rest, hate the house and swallow. This is the weakness of human nature.
A perfect goddess, if the shortcomings are unreservedly displayed, people look at her no matter how beautiful it is, friends know too much, see each other more and more unpleasant, the relationship will naturally fade.
Even intimate couples are the same, according to the theory, couples between the original unreserved relationship, now many scumbags will tell the secret of their ex-girlfriends to others, once intimate two people, after breaking up, become like enemies.
Especially when you meet a man with bad character, when you meet a person who says that his ex-girlfriend is not, please try to stay away, once every move, the details of the private life of the two, he will tell his friends in a colorful way.
The friendship between close friends, the communication between men and women, can only talk about seven points at most, so even couples who have been married for many years must retain 30% of their mystery, and the remaining three points are fatal and dignified.
There is also a category of people who are more sinister, they try their best to get close to you for their own purposes, and you "confide" for benefits, this situation is based on your strength, this group of people are often popular, often smiling at people, dealing with anyone can be comfortable, behave decently, even no one can see the flaws, they are full of charm aura, making it difficult for us to refuse, especially when the other party is the opposite sex.
In fact, such people will deliberately create such a persona to attract attention, they have a deep inner city government, and they are also very scheming. Unsurprisingly, there are a few people around the company, and they secretly observe to see who "gets promoted and gets rich" and who will become their target sponsor.
There is a psychological effect called the "Self effect", the so-called "self-person", this type of person very cleverly uses the "self-effect".
It means that the other party consciously classifies you and him as the same type of person, lets you treat him as your own person, trusts each other enough, so that you can more easily accept each other's views and attitudes, and when you encounter a crisis, you can also maintain a relationship with each other, that is, to regard the other party and yourself as one.
The "self-effect" means that I am more trusting and receptive to what "my own people" say—both good and bad, which I can accept.
This kind of person and you are designed in advance, and you unreservedly give your true self to each other, wait until the East Window incident, the next more powerful person appears, but you complain about the intervention of the "third party", do not know that the other party has spread your broken business full of company, in the company where women are more men and fewer, many women are so to win the trust of men, but also can always retreat, so there is no eternal friend in this world, only eternal interests.
The ancients are cloudy; the world is bustling for profit, the world is bustling for profit, people die for money, birds die for food, only eternal interests, there is no eternal friend, not can not be blindly communicated, many people blindly confide in the root of their own heart is not clear in their own hearts, so they are eager to establish a connection with the outside world, eager to find answers from other people's feedback, and finally in exchange for the ridicule and harm of others.
If one person is not enough to understand oneself, what qualifications do one have to understand others? Do things in a down-to-earth manner, wait until one day "flowers bloom", "butterflies" will come uninvited, everyone is a book, don't rush to read others, write yourself, and then wait for others to read it!
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205