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Siddhartha: "I have no right to judge the lives of others, I can only make judgments for myself." ”
Everyone has two tasks in life: one is to operate inwardly and self-management, and the other is to get along with people outwardly. Compared with the two, the former is more important.
Running yourself well is the foundation, and with this foundation, the second task has the value of talking, so that the two can complement each other.
No matter which role you are in the marriage, you should first manage yourself well, so that you can get along well with other roles.
If the cart is left behind, it is difficult to get along well with people, because people who do not know how to run their own business often have problems with the concepts and principles they uphold.
The following woman uses this line of thinking when she gets along with her in-laws' family, let's take a look.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I want to share the lessons I have learned from marriage.
Impetuous people's hearts will make some people quite unreasonable when they get along with people. Because they themselves have not thought about the relevant reasoning, and no one has reasoned with them, they have no habit of being reasonable.
In any relationship, if both parties are such people, they will not be able to have a good relationship, and they will only point the needle at Mai Mang, and no one will obey anyone. But if one party is reasonable, it is possible to have a good relationship.
When dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, sometimes it is also necessary to use such a line of thinking.
Take me and my mother-in-law, for example, at first she was not accustomed to me, and did not think about the question of "whether the daughter-in-law is willing to live with herself", and thought that as a mother-in-law, she had the right to put up a shelf in front of her daughter-in-law.
The questions she hadn't thought about, I had thought about them all. When she had nothing to do, when she was occupying a room in the marriage room and not leaving, I was not flustered, because I had presupposed such a situation.
I didn't want to argue with her, I just said something that would regulate behavior. And she heard that I was targeting her and wanted to drive her away, so she yelled at me in her throat: "Why don't you let me live in the house I bought?" ”
I said you can live, but there are two conditions: "First, let your son divorce me, I leave this home, it will not hinder your eyes, you can live as long as you want, live as long as you want; second, if you can't accept the first condition, don't want us to divorce, and want to live in our house, then you must listen to my arrangement, because you are not the hostess of this family, I am, when you are there, we have a lot of things that are inconvenient to do." ”
She asked me what I could do that was inconvenient, and I told her, "Unless you don't want to hold your grandchild anymore, you..." You should understand what I mean by that. ”
Getting along with this can only wake her up step by step and guide her to think about the problems she has never thought about, only in this way can she understand the stakes.
Realizing that something was not good for her, she would naturally have some concerns; realizing that bullying me was no good for her and her son, she would naturally change her attitude towards me.
This is a little careful machine for me to run the mother-in-law relationship, maybe not for other mothers-in-law, but especially for my mother-in-law. Since we had a big fight that day, our relationship has become better, maybe this is the so-called "no fight, no acquaintance"!
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The mother-in-law relationship is not so mysterious, but a very common interpersonal relationship, nothing more than two situations: one can not come, one can not come.
Both cases have obvious characteristics: the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who are compatible are either reasonable people on both sides, or they will be human beings to each other, or they will contain each other; while the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who are not compatible do not meet these conditions.
However, not all uncooked mothers-in-law are intolerable, and some can become compatible mother-in-law through "running-in", which is the case with the above pair of mother-in-law.
This kind of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship cannot be generally called "no fight and no acquaintance", but one of them needs to be rational and sober, only in this way can they guide the other party to be reasonable in the process of attack and defense, or let the other party realize the stakes and establish a restraint between each other.
Combined with the above pair of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, if the daughter-in-law has the same personality as the mother-in-law, many problems are not thought, and only care about the hard confrontation with the mother-in-law, they cannot have a situation of "no fight and no acquaintance", and they will only turn against each other and become enemies.
This is not only a reminder to other mothers-in-law, but also a reminder to other daughters-in-law, if you are as rational and sober as that woman, presupposed that there may be problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and thought about countermeasures, there is no need to worry about your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law bullying you. You just need to continue to keep sane and sober with the other party, even if the run-in is not good, at least you know that you don't have to waste your tongue afterwards, you can draw a line with the other party without scruples.