Both want to blossom in the workplace
You also have to earn money to support your family
Wen | Jimmy's mother
Three moms and six babies | ID：pkumum）
In the past two years, I have seen many female celebrities who can freely face all kinds of dog blood and chicken feathers in marriage.
However, we ordinary women may have to consider and weigh again, weigh and weigh again, whether it is knotted, detached, or again.
After all, it's all ordinary days.
Today I want to talk to you about the different states of women in marriage.
01
Don't talk about the full-time wife,
It's a full-time housewife
This morning, I met a driver who was particularly talkative.
As soon as I got on the bus, I received a call from Lao Zhang, asking me if I had brought a medical insurance card with Xiao Zhang for the nucleic acid test at school.
The driver's eldest brother asked: Do you have children, how many?
I say two.
He said, "You're not going to work, are you?"
I was surprised to hear him ask this: just go to work.
He went on to say: What? Have two children, and your husband will let you go to work!
My wife had just been pregnant with her second child, so I wouldn't let her go to work. It's good to be a full-time wife at home, pack up your home, pick up and drop off the boss.
You don't make much money going to work, and you have to suffer!
"How many people are you asking your wife to serve her?" How much do you give to your family each month? ”
The eldest brother was confused by my question.
In the eyes of men, the wife is at home, is a full-time wife! I'm afraid you don't have any misunderstanding of the word "wife".
Men think that their wives' days at home are like this.
party:
Shopping:
afternoon tea:
In fact, the wife's life at home is like this.
Cleaning and ironing:
Cooking and packing:
Play with sleep:
Pick-up and drop off children:
Tired to crash:
Don't talk about a full-time wife, it's a full-time housewife!
Recently, in the chase "Our Marriage", about how men think about women staying at home full-time, the male perspective is cruel and real.
The full-time mother played by Bai Lily asked Tong Dawei's husband: At that time, if it was you, would you choose to be a full-time father?
Tong Dawei blurted out: Of course I want to, who doesn't want to eat soft rice!
The cheating husband of the female match said this:
After marriage, women have different choices, but also choose different lives.
Either way, there are dilemmas.
Society requires women, especially after having a mother's job, according to Olympic standards.
In the face of career and family, many women do not want to choose between the two, but they have both, and it is very hard because it is difficult to balance.
02
Choose attachment when choosing marriage,
Willing to be a housewife
In the play, Jiang Jing, a full-time housewife, takes her husband as the boss.
I thought that I was gentle and considerate, and I would teach my husband and son, and the relationship between husband and wife would be calm.
Her husband cheated on her, she knew it, but she also comforted herself that "it was just fun."
At home, she had no say.
Reaching out for money has to make excuses.
After a long time out of society, she herself forgot her own value.
Many women who choose to be full-time and willing to be full-time moms start out because of men's "I raise you".
But over time, in the eyes of some men, as long as the money is paid, it will change from "I raise you" to "if I don't raise you".
It's a favor.
"Money is never short of you, let you live in a high-end community, what is not satisfied?"
In their eyes, you are full-time Kuotai.
In fact, you are a mom + nanny + cook + driver + hourly worker...
Staying at home is equivalent to pressing the treasure on her husband.
If he respects your efforts and recognizes your worth, instead of feeling "you're all at home, with children, housework, isn't all you supposed to do", you're lucky. The bright moon did not shine on the ditch.
If he takes it for granted, or even starts to dislike you for being out of touch with society because you're at home full-time, the marriage is likely to be shaky.
03
Not willing to be a stay-at-home mom,
I want to get back into the workplace
Shen Yanxing, a high-achieving student at a prestigious university, has the ability to have a brain. However, because of an unexpected pregnancy, she had to marry early.
She did not volunteer to be a housewife, and her husband Sheng Jiangchuan seemed to respect her.
But slowly, the balance tilted.
For 6 years, she has been in charge of everything big and small in the family.
From daily eating and drinking to moving and renovating.
After moving to a new home, Sheng Jiangchuan didn't even know how many buildings he lived in.
She teased: "I'm about to become a contractor, my husband is still a little princess." ”
But in the evening, my husband spat out the truth after drinking: "I have taken the whole family with me and achieved consumption upgrades." ”
The next day the wine woke up, Shen Camet said.
The man quickly apologized, a look of regret. But what he regretted was that he should not have spoken his heart.
It was hard to stay up until the child was in elementary school, and Shen Yanxing wanted to go out to work.
The husband's true face was exposed: "In a family, someone always has to pay more." Now is the critical period of my career, why can't you support me anymore and let me fight for my career without any worries? ”
"I can find you a nine-to-five job, no overtime, and take the kids along the way."
The subtext is: I support your work, provided you take care of your home first.
Becoming a mother, the family should be the first.
No one has ever asked a dad how you balance career and family.
But this is a problem that can never be solved in front of every woman who wants to work hard in the workplace, whether it is hard work or.
Countless people around me who have been full-time moms for several years and want to return to the workplace have chosen the insurance industry.
The reason is simple - time is relatively free, and you can take care of your family.
And when choosing other industries, the first person to jump out and oppose is men.
Because I am used to not worrying about the affairs of the family, I am used to women taking care of the big things and small affairs of the family.
04
I'm not a stay-at-home mom.
I'm a full-time mom
Dong Sijia, in the family and career, decisively chose a career.
After years of hard work, she finally succeeded in becoming an executive of the company. Her husband is her backer and has been working as a full-time dad at home.
It seems that such a life is very worthy of envy.
Women work smoothly, and the family does not have to worry. But this seemingly balanced arrangement is very inconsistent with the world's cognition.
The woman goes out to support the family, but the husband stays at home.
At industry gatherings where she can bring her family, she does not dare to mention it to her husband.
Afraid of hurting her husband's self-esteem, and afraid that others will know that her husband is a full-time house husband, pointing and pointing.
Here she certainly has an element of vanity.
But a woman in the workplace, all kinds of difficulties are inevitable.
Be gentle, be questioned, not be able to be questioned; be strong, be said to be unscrupulous.
For the sake of conflict, the drama is exaggerated.
But for women in the workplace, many times it is not a matter of balance, it is a matter of sacrifice and abandonment.
Because for most people, there is no husband who can take care of the family at home.
05
Both to blossom in the workplace,
A few days ago, I read a report - "2021 Working Mother Survival Status Survey Report".
In the report, there are a few points that I find ironic:
1. Nearly 60% of working mothers have 1-3 hours a day to take care of their children, and 40% of them have more than 3 hours.
2. The income of working mothers has become an important source of support for the family.
That is to say, no matter how you choose, taking care of the child is still your business.
It is necessary to blossom in the workplace and earn money to support the family.
Becoming a mother is a happy thing in itself. But I don't know when, it seems that I have put a pair of shackles on myself.
You can only live in the identity of a mother, and you have to put on a name called "The Call of Motherhood".
I've seen a word before called maternal punishment. Corresponding to this is the father's dividend.
In fact, mothers do not want to worry about housework and children's affairs, and are absolutely evenly distributed.
Instead, it is hoped that raising children is a collective responsibility.
The whole society, especially the men in the family, should feel that it is not the mother's business to take the child.
The in-laws came to help, and there was no need to say to us, "I'm here to help you!" ”
And as ourselves, the first thing we have to learn is to loosen our own constraints.
When everyone is saying what you should do.
Give yourself a space to think about it. Ask yourself what you want to do, stay full-time, get back into the workplace, or fight in the workplace.
If in a track, do you feel comfortable? If you change tracks, how much you can achieve yourself.
We've been insisting on being a 70-point mom and a 90-point self.
This also means that no option is a perfect score.
But to have a choice is to give yourself a chance.
It's hard, I know. But it's important.
As myself, I will always go down this path in the workplace. It's because it has more choices, and it's because it gives courage in marriage.
Like today's article, remember to click on it! Have a great weekend
Good articles in the past
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Editor/Liu Xiaotao Review/Astro Boy
Girlfriend, April 2022
3.15 Yuanqi listing