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The so-called "housewife" or "housewife", originally refers to those women who do not work, are responsible for housework or child rearing at home, in fact, behind such a title, it also reflects people's views on the status of earlier women.
It seems that as a wife, you only need to do "logistical work" at home, and it does not matter whether you have an income or a career.
Of course, with the development of society and the change of people's concepts, the title of "housewife" has disappeared for a long time, compared with decades ago, almost no one will call a wife in this way, at most it will be called "full-time wife" and the like, more tacitly aware of this situation.
So in today's society, as a woman, what kind of social role should she have in marriage? How do you find a balance between self-worth and family status as a wife? Let's start with some data.
The proportion of full-time housewives and social change
The "China Full-time Wife Life Survey Report" is a survey on whether the wife chooses to become a "full-time wife" after marriage in China.
The results of this report show that more than a quarter of married women in China today choose to become full-time wives, accounting for 26%.
I don't know if this data has shocked you. Compared with the traditional concept of husband and wife relationship and family relationship, Chinese culture has actually had some more "conservative" views on women's social status and roles for a long time.
Especially to this day, there are still some areas where there will be "son preference" and other ideological concepts, the reason is that in these concepts, even if women grow up and become adults, they will also take the only way of "the water thrown out by the daughter who marries out", as if the daughter is to "give birth to other people's families", in fact, this view is too one-sided.
Marriage is two people, the family is also a unit for two people to survive, the reason why the previous kind of will exist, because in the traditional culture influenced by the Confucian tradition, father-son as a social relationship, family relations and even an ethical axis, profoundly affect people's lives.
The Chinese who have come all the way from the agricultural society are accustomed to the social division of labor of "male cultivators and female weavers", and women will naturally have a dependence on men, especially for their husbands.
Despite the rapid development of society, it is bound to be difficult for people's ideologies and concepts to follow the pace of social development so "synchronously", so in any era, there will always be some relatively lagging ideologies and even social cultures, which is difficult to avoid.
For example, on the issue of "full-time wife", the opposite is the improvement of women's status and the improvement of their self-awareness, along with the improvement of women's living environment and education level, more and more women are no longer satisfied with becoming men's "vassals", but will bravely pursue the life they want.
However, there are still many women in society who choose to become full-time wives, why is this?
"Nanny marriage" and self-objectification
We may wish to re-examine the state of marriage and family in the current society, and then compare it with the situation in the previous society.
In traditional society, marriage means "male big marriage, female big should marry", means "the order of parents, the words of the concubine", "door to door" is the norm of marriage, in short, the marriage in traditional society for the two parties to the marriage, in fact, has great uncertainty, many times by the previous generation of people to decide on their behalf.
After the founding of New China, people's concepts are still relatively traditional, and the rise of free love did not appear until after the 1980s, before that, people wanted to get married, often through introduction or family arrangement, and people's mate selection standards were more in line with the mainstream values of society at that time.
When looking for a husband, the other party should be a person with outstanding integrity, loyalty and honesty, and simple and clear social relations; the criteria for finding a wife are often generous appearance, elegant manners, and hard work.
However, today's marriage, many times, will reflect the material and economic colors.
As we all know, after the twenty-first century, China's comprehensive national strength and economic strength can be described as rapid development, and people's lives are the same, and many things that were unimaginable have become a reality today.
So in marriage, people's mate selection criteria began to quietly change: the other party's personality, social relations, work attitude, etc. seems to be not the most important, but those who can see at a glance of economic strength, family class and asset status have become the points that people will pay attention to, of course, for some "yan value party", the appearance of the other party is the most important.
Therefore, under such changes, phenomena such as "sky-high bride price" and "caravan blocking" are not uncommon, and even some couples who have been together for many years are always scattered because the conditions of "door to door" are difficult to achieve.
In fact, young people should think about it: when you emphasize "do not objectify women" and "respect for women's values", have you done this?
The so-called bride price or the economic conditions of the other party will naturally affect the quality of life of the next two people, but it cannot measure your own value. To take a simple example, is it possible that marrying a wife who enters the door at a "sky-high bride price" is clearly worth so much money?
Many women choose to become full-time wives after marriage, one is because this life is very easy, no longer have to work hard to earn an income, as long as they are comfortable at home waiting for their husbands to support them. As everyone knows, your dedication throughout your life is not as good as that of a nanny.
In such a life, its own social value will also tend to family and marriage, and the living space that belongs to oneself will be more and more squeezed.
And after maintaining this state of life for many years, the contradictions between the two people and even between the family will increase more and more, and the already pitiful personal living space will be even less.
So, for young women, whether you are married or not, for your own life and status after marriage, please plan early and do not become a "vassal" without your own life. You have to believe that there is no way out of the self-objectified "nanny marriage" and is destroying you and me and destroying the Chinese family.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351.
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