Fearing a lonely person, asking two children to be companions is an important reason for many parents to have two children. However, although the original intention is good, when some two-child couples have a divorce dispute when their relationship breaks down, they put forward a new demand - the husband and wife can't do it, but the two children must live together! This means that both children have to be raised by one person, and the battle for custody is even more intense. Can two children be raised by one person? Who is it more appropriate? If one person divides one, how to maintain the affection of two children? And how to ensure that two children have the same level of life and learning? This barrage of questions tests parents whose relationships are broken, and it also tests the judge who decides the case.
New claims for maintenance disputes
No matter who raises the two children must be together
Tong and her husband Li are fighting a divorce lawsuit, the two sides have no common property, the only competition is the custody of the two sons. The two appealed to the judge for the "bottom line" — that the two children must be together, regardless of who raises them.
"Originally, we wanted two children just to let them be companions, but if they were separated, they would deviate from the original intention of having two children, which would not be good for both children." When Tong said this in court, the couple who had already torn their faces rarely agreed, and then they began to argue about who was more qualified. The two sides do not give in to each other, which can give way to the judge. Should we respect the couple's opinions and award both children to one person? The two sides are equally powerful, who is more advantageous to raise two children? If it is really awarded to a person, the party who has not received custody loses two children at once, how to bear the huge psychological gap and emotional lack?
Judge's Statement
Judge Cheng Le of the Second Civil Division of Xicheng Court
In recent years, such glue scenes have increasingly appeared in lawsuits involving the upbringing and visitation of the second child. Although the dispute over the raising and visitation of two children is not a new product of the two-child era, in recent years, "two children must be together" has become a new demand for many parents of two children on the issue of raising.
In judicial practice, the award of two children to each parent is usually considered from the perspective of the actual pressure of parenting. After all, the effort of one parent to raise two children is not a simple problem of 1+1=2. However, the situation is not the same between individual cases. From the perspective of child growth, if brothers and sisters are raised separately, the feelings between children will be alienated, which is indeed a lack for children.
If both parents specifically insist that two children be awarded to one party who is capable of supporting them, the court tends to respect their common will.
In a previous case of a change of custody that I heard, the husband and wife raised one of their two daughters in the event of an agreed divorce. After the divorce, the man temporarily let the woman raise two children for work reasons. When the man wanted to take the eldest daughter, the sisters said that they would not separate. The woman conveniently filed a lawsuit to request that the child raised by the man be changed to her own. Considering that the woman has a certain degree of financial ability and has also shown the ability to support her in the process of caring for the two children, the court finally upheld the woman's claim.
When two children are awarded to one person, it is feared that the "hard power" of both parties is comparable, so the judge will make a more rigorous assessment of the parenting ability of both parties when weighing the overall situation.
Each parent brings one
Don't ignore the emotional needs between children
The demand for "two children together" is not only in the struggle for custody, but also in some divorced couples whose custody has been determined and one of whom raises one child.
Liu and her ex-husband divorced by agreement, but after the divorce, the two parties repeatedly confronted the court because of the child's visitation.
When divorcing, the two parties negotiated that the eldest son would be returned to the man, and Liu would raise the younger son. But after living separately, the younger son frowned all day and often thought about his brother. Liu was distressed about the child, and went to find his brother with his younger son, but his ex-husband did not cooperate and did not let Liu take away his eldest son.
Liu immediately filed a visitation right lawsuit, asking the court to order him to visit his eldest son twice a month and receive him to his residence. Liu's request was supported. The man felt that he had suffered a loss, and immediately filed a lawsuit, demanding that when Liu picked up the eldest son for a visit, he also brought the younger son back to his home. Equal to both parties at the same time, swap children.
"Aren't you two children unable to see each other again?" Your visiting requirements are met, how can the needs of the child who wants to play together be met? In court, Liu accused her ex-husband of being selfish.
The man's request to visit the younger son is reasonable and legal, the woman's desire to let the two children have time together is reasonable, and it is more beneficial to the child's physical and mental health, how can a judgment of the best of both worlds be made? This is another problem left for the judge to solve.
We strive to fully consider the practical needs of our two children to enhance their relationship within the framework of the law. As much as possible, let the two children have more opportunities to contact and grow up together. In view of the fact that Liu picked up his eldest son for visits in the first and third weeks of each month, the judgment determined that Liu's ex-husband picked up his younger son for visits in the second and fourth weeks of each month. In this way, Liu and her ex-husband have the right to visit with the same frequency and time, but after the visiting time between the two parties is staggered, the two children can live together every weekend.
Since both parents can think about their children, they should calmly and rationally handle the child's upbringing and visitation. Coordinate time, create conditions for two children to maintain their feelings, grow together, and minimize the negative impact of family breakdown on children.
Divorced couples should strive for the custody of their children, especially the custody of two children, do not be impulsive, calmly and objectively measure their ability to raise children, and make comprehensive judgments from the perspective of ensuring the quality of life of children and healthy and happy growth.
Contributed by: West Side Court
Editors: Pan Xinyu Tian Jing Yao Rihui